I really wish I got better questions. The most recent batch is just trash asks from annoying people.

This one was absurd. Came from an email with the subject header “hello Goddess Witch:)” because if you want to talk to me, talking like this is a dating site is always a good idea (it isn’t, I’m snippy to guys on dating sites who greet like this. Try having a normal conversation with a normal greeting, they actually do work).

I despise this kind of behavior because they never bode good things about the person saying them. Ever. To me, anyone who tries to charm and butter you up is always up to something, otherwise they would have a normal approach.

“YES i would absolutely date, and adore a witch:)..know of any single ones? LOL…trust me, i’ve been looking

(oh, i’m white, male, and 45 , handsome:)”

A) Black Witch is not a dating site. At all. He’s not the first idiot to try this. Black Witch is a regular blog. As I always say, if you wouldn’t do this to a guy, don’t to this to women. Because it is insulting.

B ) I literally do not care of his dating preferences. And dating a witch really is not that different from dating literally anyone else who does not practice magick. At all.

C) His humor is stupid and reeks of “old bachelor”. I like comedy but not bad comedy.

D) I don’t date White (Though demi/ace, I stick to men of color. They are already a headache enough, no need to tack on the 400+ years of historical problems to that. Actually, the existence of straight men in general should be proof enough that no sexual orientation is a “choice” because have you seen how straight guys act? Add a STEM, Finance/Business or Medical degree and they get worse)

E ) I don’t date old guys. Dude is almost 15 years my senior, I stick to guys within 2-3 years senior of my actual age and rarely date anyone even a year my junior


My reply:

You sound disgusting. Please off yourself. You are literally everything I DON’T want in a guy.



Inb4 “you told him to commit suicide!”: I have learned from existing on this planet as a girl that plain “no” literally. Does. Not. Work.

Guy: Can I walk you home?
Me: Nah, I’m good.
Guy: It’s ok, it’s not too much trouble for me. I’ll walk you to your house

They blow past a very plain “no” as if it never happened. Upgrade it to awful insults and they tend to get the picture.

Guy: Can I walk you home?
Me: Nah, I’m good.
Guy: It’s ok, it’s not too much trouble for me. I’ll walk you to your house
Me: Bro, get lost. I’m good. Go to your house, away from me. No one wants you, ever. I can protect myself, no need to drag along Sir Dead-Weight if trouble does occur.
Guy: How does anyone even like you? *storms off*

Yeah, it’s not nice but I wanted the guy to leave since the start so Mission Accomplished? It would be nice if guys took the original and plain “no”, I don’t enjoy ripping into people but hey, it is usually the not-nice version that tends to work the most with the least amount of back-and-forth.

So, yeah, maybe guys should use better listening skills, might spare their emotions more.


The reply:

what the flying FUCK is your problem?? I paid you a DEAR compliment,and you come back with your angry hate filled remarks for NO REASON??  if you ever, ever tell me to “ofF” Myself again, you will be sorry..i can promise that much.
 
 
And we are off to the races, folks.

Pretty much what happened



And we are off to the races, folks. Complete with flying anger, a threat (which is very FBI-notifying- worthy*) and pretty much all the behavior of a violent wife-beater without a target. No surprises to as why he’s still single at 45 and so lonely he bothers random women on the internet. Note he calls me “angry” but he’s the one cursing, screaming and threatening. That sounds pretty angry.

Oh and he sends another email right after this one:


ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh..iS it because i’m WHITE??? RACIST AT ALL?? fucking hypnocrite…

Note that I literally never mention race in my first reply. This dude jumped to the conclusion in a single bound. Though I don’t date White for reasons stated above, that’s my own privacy and I easily could have rebuffed him for his age and super off-color approach. I have ripped on countless Men of Color for the “off-color” stuff most. Seriously, straight guys suck at communicating. Like toxic masculinity shuts off the logic parts of the brain or something. Also, that atrocious spelling. Hypno … crite?

Also, me not really wanting to date White is not exactly racist. Though it is a personal and personally recognized bias that I apply only to my dating life and not others, isn’t racist. Here is how: the structures of racism doesn’t do me, a Black woman, any favors (actually, it can get pretty deadly for me) and it super extends to dating. I have to worry about being dehumanized, hyper-sexualized, stereotyped and demeaned simply for my skin, nothing else. These structures came from White supremacist thinking of “what is ‘good’ feminity” (which is, you guessed it, a White woman. Preferably a blonde one) and that if you don’t count as ‘good’, you can be treated like trash. White men show this behavior excessively in the dating realms. Basically, I avoid White guys as possible dates because they tend to be walking racist problems, ranging from fetishizing Black women to being haplessly clueless that racism exists and expecting the Black girlfriend to slow-walk through it to parading the Black girlfriend around as an example of how “not racist” he is – even when he is being very blatantly racist. Do decent ones exist? Of course, but in remarkable short supply and vastly out-numbered by the rest. But it is pretty racist and sexist to assume that because he is White, he has to be a viable dating partner to anyone he talks to, no matter what.

Yeah, no. That’s a lot of headache for me. Like I said prior, already Men of Color are headache enough. They come with their own batches of problems. I have yet to come across a White person who refuses to date (as in “have a meaningful, mutually beneficial relationship with”) Black people or anyone else not White with the same reasons I stated above. I mean, White folks are not being oppressed, fetishized or dehumanized like everyone else, especially not in the dating world. I’ve never come across a story from White folks I know who have said “He dated me because he wanted me to explain how White people exist. Like, why our hair doesn’t curl like tight springs and if all of us are homicidal mass killers.” If anything, I’m usually helping my White (actually, all my non-Black) female friends steer clear of trash Black men who hover around them because internalized racism and simply “Black women are already wise to my bullsh*t. Hopefully, you are not.” Mainly, they, like me, want to date someone decent, not someone they’d soon regret, regardless of race. 
 
Oh, and in case anyone is going “How dare she not want to date White because she doesn’t want to!” – I also don’t date Christian or Atheist guys … of any race. Though they have different beliefs, the guys in these faiths morph into a special version of batty when they encounter the fact that A) I’m Pagan and/or B) I’m simply not of the same belief system (or lack thereof) as them and I’m not interested in changing. Plus, both seem to think “let’s poke fun at her ‘weird’ religion in a way we would literally fly into a rage about if we got the same treatment” is a great idea of courtship. It isn’t. There are literally thousands of other faiths I’d rather be with that handles the concept of Paganism better. 

My reply to both statements (both emails compiled together):

My blog is not a dating page. Do you contact the New York Times this way? I don’t think it’s a compliment for anyone to approach me in such a sleezeball way. And you should go for women your age – actually, given how you (predictably) exploded, try a therapist.
 
Yep, you need a therapist. It’s because of literally EVERYTHING. Please disappear or get some freaking help instead of pester random women on the internet, old guy.
 
Threw in a touch of “it’s probably your age, my dude” just to throw dust in the water a bit and see what he does with it or will he fasten himself to “it’s cuz I’m White, right?”

His reply:

TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME, combined with ANTI WHITE hatred, makes you a very angry woman…LOL….you really need to seek help for your mental illness…..


I have no words. This was my reply

You are exploding like fireworks. I haven’t resorted to using all caps, that’s you. I haven’t even cursed, you’re already screaming and swearing. I didn’t bring up race, you did. I’m not the angry one here, you are.
 
No wonder you bother random women on the internet, no one would want you via the normal routes. And nothing is wrong with being mentally ill, as long as you work on the problem. I seriously envy all who has never met you, lol. You shouldn’t be trying to date anyone, get your anger issues out the way. Calm down and go away.


And that was the whole convo. I did some research on this guy. His name is Jason Taylor (huh, shares a name with one of my lawyers. Won’t Lawyer Jason find that hilarious?) and he’s situated in Lane South, South Carolina and has an aol email of “jayyce004” So if you meet this guy, you already know he’s a furious wackjob.

Now, let’s break out the bingo boards because they are the only efficient things I have to break down bs like this. Let’s get started.





The words are probably a little hard to read



This is what I managed to fill out.

 
I just noticed the highlighter I used might be a bit light for some to see so let’s point them out. 
 
Bingo Board 1
 
– I’m a nice guy
– Is way older than you
– Has never met you in person
– Attempted negging
– Casual sexism & racism
 
 
Bingo Board 2
– Little to no social skills
– Racist, sexist and/or homophobic to an extent
– Thinks sexual harassment is a complement
– When rejected, always blames his weight, face or another body characteristic that was never brought up
 
Let’s break this down, starting with Bingo Board 1:
 
I’m a nice guy
Here’s the thing about “nice guys” … they’re never nice. The “sweeter” they try to be, the more vicious they are underneath. They’re not actually nice, they just want something. And if they can’t get it, they explode. This guy did exactly that. Plus, I already said I find “hyper-sweet”/super-overt flirting behavior insulting. Because, to me, it is. Talk to me like everyone else or don’t talk to me at all. 
 
Is way older than you
Like I said before, this dude is literally almost 15 years older than me. A decade and a half. I have zero interest in guys that old. Because they are, in terms of dating, very old. You are half way to your 50s, a half century. Ew. A man that is 45 should stick to women who are in their 40s, minimum. 
 
Has never met you in person
Never. I think I would remember such a nutjob if so. This person is deep down in South Carolina, so yeah, never met. Nor would I want to.
 
Attempted negging
Negging” is emotional manipulation, created by pickup artists, intended to make the “negged” target feel bad and thus try to vie for the manipulator’s approval. Basically the “Oh, is it because I’m White?” (as well as other parts but let’s stick with this one). Because I never brought up race and oh geez, I would not want this random person on the internet to think that *gasp* I am not interested in them because they are White. Because we all know White people get it the worst in the world because of their race. Lack of opportunities, institutionalized and structured lack of access to resources in health, wealth & education and in dating, hyper sexualized and dehumanized, even to the point of being compared to animals and food – oh, wait. That’s Black people. Yeah, this flare-up doesn’t work on me. At all. Since I’m pretty sardonic about dating, it gives me a better range of view to spot guys who try to go at emotion and not logic. 
 
Casual sexism & racism
Pretty much everything that came out this dude’s mouth. Started off insulting, finished off super crazy. Good thing no one is dating them because I bet he’s the type to fly into a rage at the drop of a hat and break things, even over the slightest problems. No one needs to date anyone like that. Ever. They need therapy, not relationships. 
 
 
 
On to Bingo Board 2!
 
Little to no social skills
Guys (hi, straight men), this dude’s approach is not smart. Firstly, don’t approach random women through their official channels of communication looking for a date. She is most likely not going to be thrilled. Just like how I wasn’t. Dating websites and apps do exist. Try finding a date using a dating site or app. And should you approach, try to go for “cordial”, not “sleezeball”. Yes, I probably am saying all that is opposite of what usual guy websites have for “how to chat to girls” but I thiiiiiink I would know how I like to be approached a lot more than someone who is probably a closet incel. If the girl turns you down, it happens. Rejection happens. Women get rejected, too. Also, please don’t go on a killing spree. Seriously. Get help instead. And don’t threaten the girl for turning you down. You’ll just go from “Not my type” to “homicidal maniac” in a snap. Get help instead.
 
Racist, sexist and/or homophobic to an extent
Read above for “Casual Sexism & Racism”. No homophobia occurred but I seriously would not be surprised if this person harbored homophobic sentiments. I’ve never met a bigot with emotional problems that magically was pro-LGBTQIA. Not even in actual LGBTQIA circles (the amount of racist White folks in queer circles is baffling. Can they not somehow apply that racism is bad the same way homophobia is bad instead of trying to use their queerness as a flimsy shield to be racist?)
  
Thinks sexual harassment is a complement
It isn’t. Unwanted attention such as this is indeed sexual harassment. It isn’t a complement. At all. It is harassment, plain and simple. That’s why I didn’t reply with hearts and joy but with sharp vitrol instead.
 
When rejected, always blames his weight, face or another body characteristic that was never brought up
He flew straight for “It’s because I’m White, right?” even when I never brought it up. It is no different than when Harvey Weinstein would try to guilt-trip his victims with “it’s because I’m fat and ugly” when they would reject his attempts of sexual assault. (Guys, if you want to discuss movie/book/music deal details, try to keep your clothes on. You’ll be respected more and called a “potential rapist” less). Does it matter what type of men the scores of women he assaulted would personally pick? No. They may like big guys, skinny guys, tall guys, short guys, etc etc. But none of them like rapey guys, which is exactly what Weinstein is. It wasn’t his weight or looks – which he brought up, not the women – it was his behavior. It’s not your physical form, many different women like many different guys, it is your behavior. Even handsome guys get rejected for acting like douchebags. There’s a reason women in my circles tend to say “He was really cute … then he started talking.” 
 
 
This dude’s behavior was way off the wall. I don’t like being chatted up through my blog, ever. It used to happen at the start of Black Witch from various guys, including Men of Color. I ripped on them the exact same way as I did this guy because I don’t appreciate that kind of behavior. Ever. Heck, I don’t even like being approached, I rather do the approaching myself. And even if I do approach, I still rather interact with a guy who has his head screwed on straight versus one who thinks “She’s talking to me! That means she wants to date me! Literally no other reason whatsoever. Even though she just told me I am on fire. She did that because she wants me, not because I’m turning into a candle stick out in public. Absolutely no other reason.” 
 
What should have this guy done? Google “local therapy clinics near me” and never bother anyone for anything remotely related to dating until he has his head sorted out. And never talk to me unless he has more normal subjects to talk about. Or anyone else. 
 

*Though the FBI literally lets countless Angry White Men slip through their fingers (The Majory-Stoneman Douglas mass shooting is a perfect display of that) because they’re so busy keeping tabs on Black and Muslim Americans activists. Because the greatest harm to America is not a mass shooting or another Timothy McVeigh, it’s people marching for their rights, as guaranteed by the Constitution. Oh well, at least I have lawyers as back up.