Alright, an astrology post, how bangin’ is this? It’s one of my better divinatory subjects so I really do like discussing it. Yet I do like to study astrology, I really don’t like horoscopes. They’re so inaccurate and uber general. To think you can dictate anything just on sun sign (the sign everyone asks for) alone is absurd. That’s like saying “If your favorite color is blue, your day will be…”. It’s very silly to judge a person strongly on their sun sign because that doesn’t capture everything, just like the horoscopes you read in magazines and newspapers. To do an accurate horoscope, one would need the aid of their natal chart and some transcendent/transit chart astrology because it is the comparison your birth chart with the current astrological forecast using an ephemeris and seeing what you get. No two horoscopes should look exactly alike because no two people are exactly alike. I mean, Darwin and Lincoln were born the very same day but turned out to be two different men. You’re more than just your sun sign.

Natal charts – also known as birth charts – are like the blueprint of your life. With an exact birthtime, birthplace and birthdate, everything is laid out from the cradle to the grave. Marriage, family, career, mindset, it’s all there. They’re very intriguing to me because there are many facets that construct a person into who they are (or were. Or will be). For those that don’t know what a natal chart looks like: (If the picture looks crappy, just click on it to see the clear version)

 My Natal Chart

Now, tho astrology is totally my kit, I still mess up. Mainly with sun signs, man, I mix ’em all up. I mainly measure with Jupiter signs (Jup stays in a zodiac sign for 12 months roughly) so when it comes to sun signs, it’s like the alphabet. We all know the alphabet like the back of our hands, there’s even a song to help us out but if I said, “Pop quiz! What letter is three paces to the left of T? You have five seconds,” I’d get a lot of stuttering people. That’s me with sun signs. Oi.

One thing about talking astrology in depth, I get so many glazed-over looks. Everyone is fine when we stay on sun signs but the second something like moon signs, retrogrades, aspects or ascendants gets brought up, the person I’m talking to usually grows very quiet, may start to nod blindly in agreement and their eyes go blank like the dead.

Oh geez, I have got to talk about this, mainly because this totally stands out and I love sharing this mini story! At total and complete random, I ran into a couple members of the Wondaland Arts Society at an Erykah Badu concert back in May! Namely, the guitarist Kellindo and backup vocalist Isis Valentino. Long story quite short, when I was meeting the rest of the band (sans Janelle Monae. Dang.), I was chatting with Kellindo about astrology. I forgot how that came up but meh, I’m sure it’ll hit me later. Either way, I was making my usual flub of sun signs. This time with Gemini and Cancer, I was a month ahead, he was on point with the signs. Now feeling like a dimwit because I never can get it right (Seriously, I can’t. That’s why I have an astrologer’s datebook with a three year ephemeris and all.) I was about to chat a bit about Gemini because I think he or someone he knows is a Gem. I stopped myself short because I had a feeling I’d go over his head with what I probably was gonna say:

Me: Oh, Gemini? Ah yes, that’s ruled by mercury, planet of communication. Totally awesome planet and quick too, has the shortest rotation in the solar system of eighty-eight days. It rules Virgo too! Both are very good zodiacs for music. I wonder if merc is retrograde right now – that’s when the planet looks like it’s going backwards in the sky but it’s not! – I’m a Venus in Gemini, tenth house, so I really like communication and writing, music too! What kinda Gemini did you say you were again?

Kellindo would probably have donned a “Save me, please” look on his face towards his bandmates. Ha ha, I don’t know what it was that night but I was really coming close to nerding out hardcore around them. I nearly chattered Isis’s ear away about the wonderful world of French verbal conjugations and I had to stop myself short yammering incessantly about Android smartphones with the drummer as I kept full eye contact with the aviation goggles on his head. (I love goggles, retro or futuristic, and his were awesome.) Ah, sometimes no one is spared by my unwarranted tsunami of knowledge until something distracts me or I’m told I’m yapping too much – again. Anywhoodle! That moment fairly captured how absentminded I am with sun signs but I’m still smart about astrology, just ditzy about the very piece of astrology everyone else is familiar with. At least I didn’t turn super random and go, “I do palmistry!”

One thing I am very proud of is my database, over a hundred names. I have some composites (charts without exact times) and tons of normal natal charts. I even have the natal charts of a couple famous folks such as Kanye West and Palin. I had gotten those after Kanye had another ego attack and my curiosity got the best of me. I found his chart through a Google search that landed me at a celebrity astrology site. I don’t know if the times are accurate so they could very well be composite charts but I was incredibly surprised by the lack of fire (fire signs, planets in houses ruled by fire signs; fire refers to passion, energy, spontaneity and fury) in his chart. On this site I also got Palin’s chart just because it was there and I thought, “Eh.” Nothing new I could tell you in her chart. I even have President Obama’s exact chart – actually, what astrologer doesn’t have his natal chart? It’s the only good that came from those annoying birth certificate people. I don’t have many celebrities in my database because what’s the use in collecting them? The vast majority of my charts I have were done on request. Hmm, Mike Shinoda and Chester Bennington of Linkin Park are the only ones in my database who are famous and I have interpreted their natal charts – but not on request because I thought they would be nice gifts back when I was 17.

Ah, the charts of Mike Shinoda and Chester Bennington. They really gave a jump to my increase of astrology knowledge but I do feel really bad that the copies they got back in 2006 were really terrible rush jobs. I didn’t check them as thoroughly as I originally thought, I only could dedicate 5 hours a day for a couple months to each chart balanced with school and life and in addition, the charts had to be kept limited. Y’see, the average natal chart interpretation is at least thirty pages. I didn’t want Shinoda and Bennington reading a tome each so I thought I could keep the interpretations to about ten or so pages. Yeaaaaaah, didn’t work out. I was so tired when I finally finished them, I forgot to do a spell, grammar and fact check – I just handed them over as is. They were so bad I kinda hope Shinoda lost them, he’s who I gave them to back at a Fort Minor concert. I still hope they were never read, especially when I finally had gone home after the concert, got some sleep, read my personal copies and broke into a cold sweat from how dreary they were. Mon dieu, I could have passed out. They were such rubbish and completely wrong in some parts! It even nearly spooked me into not wanting to meet Shinoda again or Bennington in fear they’d be ultra pissed. I’m still a little worried and I’m 23.

Because I was so floored at my miserable writing and really embarrassed, I re-did both charts. I ran their information through two natal chart programs, double checked their aspects (the lines in the middle of the chart) for false positives, pulled out some additional books to better the interpretations, tightened up the transitional parts of the interpretation (the part where I talk about returning planets, upcoming personal retrogrades, things like that) and fine tuned everything. I still tried to stay under the 30 page limit however and with that got 15 pages for Shinoda, 20 pages for Bennington. That was back in ‘06/’07 although, the interpretations are nearly useless now because all the predicted transit times have already passed, I would simply have to start anew.

I’m a perfectionist so I guess that’s why I would love to work on Shinoda and Bennington’s charts again but only with the guys present. I’d much rather work with them and construct it that way than do the all-nighter method where I have open three or more books, reading two identical charts printed out from two different astrology programs, a pen, a notepad of paper, a calculator, a box of mochi and a thing of soda. I can crack books and be psychic all I like but there’s nothing like having the person you’re doing the reading on actually there or in contact because they know themselves more than I ever will and people can always surprise you. I do need some time to work on the natal chart alone but I do like getting my facts straight too whenever possible. Eh, little dreams of mine. Maybe they’ll come true but I kinda doubt it.

One thing tho about me doing natal charts for other people: I’m not a walking computer. A person cannot just saunter up to me, give me their info and I just spit out a bunch of information. That’s a lot of math! And I still would need an ephemeris from the person’s birth year. I screw up with sun signs, I don’t think can do much else without the aid of my favorite natal chart site, That, I can do on my phone so if you see me and would like a nice overview at least, feel free to ask. (What program you see in this entry is astrodienst, another site I use but not primarily.) The most astrology I can do without my books and ephemeris is tell you what’s retrograde (for the first half of the solar system) and ask if you would rather a chat on ascendants and Saturn returns.

With natal charts am I strictest with my confidentiality rule. My confidentiality rule, “Whatever we discuss stays between us.” The only situation where the rule change is if the person is discovered to be unstable (or very potentially unstable) to the point they may harm or kill themselves or others. There, I inform their loved ones or close friends. This is for anyone from big names to normal people. I don’t believe in going “I did so-and-so’s chart! Oooooo, look at what’s here!” No one would ever trust me again and rightfully so. Now, I could throw up any random natal chart here and not many would be able to accurately decipher it but that doesn’t mean no one will try. Natal charts have very sensitive info and if read properly, they can be like diaries. I rather not chance the determination of a crazy fan or a crazy person trying to get to that.

There’s a lot to astrology and natal charts that I didn’t mention. That’s ok, there’s always next time but for now … I’m feelin’ super random and silly, let’s have a mini-contest!

The title is a reference to something. Tell me what is it, the primary style (or sub-style) it adheres to, and the name of five different series it has. The first two people to send me all the correct answers via email ( with “BTSSB Contest” gets a card reading of their choice (tarot or cartomancy (playing card)) or dream interpretation. The mini-contest ends Wed and winners will be mentioned in the next BW post – and don’t forget! Next week starts the monthly installments. Fill out the Ask a Witch form in the sidebar, comment or email me a question, I’m picking the three best to answer.

EDITOR’S NOTE: It turns out I met Isis Valentino and not Nastassia Davis with Kellindo that night. The appropriate changes have been made and I apologize deeply for the erroneous oversight. Thanks Kellindo for correcting me.