Archive for June, 2015


Here is this month’s Ask Black Witch, let’s get into it. Actually, before we do, thank you everyone who managed to donate. My mom is back inside her home and we’re resolving her rent situation so to avoid this for the future.

Hi [Black Witch]!

My name is Vermail, and my question is more like a comment rather than a question. I really hope that my proclamation is more of a breath of fresh air rather than a gasp of overwhelmingly strange questions and requests for you. I am from Chicago, but emigrated to northwest Indiana. You see, I am a natural “brown” witch. I am African-American, I am just getting away from the term of “Black” to be described. Yes being called “Black” is a heck of a lot better than being called all the other demeaning terms we have been called over time, I just feel that we should be called who we are. Which is American plain and simple. Since my skin is brown, I just prefer the term “brown” to describe me. Because you see, even the “Blackest” person is brown. But I embrace my “blackness” spells and all! Anyhoo, ever since I was little, I’ve felt special. I’ve heard this voice inside my head telling me that there is something different about me. I didn’t fit in with any of the other brown girls growing up, my tastes were different. As a child, I could rationalize and analyze as an adult. I always had this feeling that I was wise among my years, but I just chalked it up to a gifted mind, no big deal. But as I grew older I noticed that situations and events would wind up in my favor. Even though I came from an extremely poor family, I was blessed with the things that I needed. It wasn’t until I hit my older 20s that I could hear voices. But not just any voices, it was the dead, people in my life that crossed over. I thought I was going crazy! I figured my college antics were finally catching up with me. I did struggle with depression growing up as a result of a hard childhood. We have alot in common. Hopefully we can have a shared dialog sometime. Well, it wasn’t until 2011 when I began to notice energies in the enviornment. I would feel a tightness in my chest along with a strange voice in my head telling me small phrases. Like one liners. Seems like it takes alot of energy for the crossed over to communicate with the living. As I type this it still seems strange to me.  There is so much I want to type, but this is all still new to me. So lets fast-forward to 2013. I was 32 yrs old and this was the time that I could really feel my craft blossom. I realized that I could use intention to help things in my life go better. I felt charmed and blessed. I’ve always been a positive person and I felt like that helped. That saying the glass is always half-full has always helped me. As long as I stayed positive, positive things happened. Even in bad situations. I mean I’ve had my share of hard times, but I’ve beem blessed to get through it. Fast forwarding to 2014, I was accepted into nursing school. Needless to say its been the most difficult endeavor I’ve ever done. During a stressful time during finals, I dreamed about crystals. It was like they were calling me. I checked out this website called WitchVox and found the nearest Witch shop. I met this really nice Caucasian lady named Renee who helped me answer alot of questions about magick. I kinda came prepared for the stones to pick me, and she was intrigued. Especially since I was the only Black girl to come in with a plan. The only other girl that was brown came in, looked around and left right back out. Renee told me she had the shop protected and only people with specific intentions stayed. We talked for a while, I picked my stones and left. I was excited that I finally found someone to relate to. But the problem was that every blog site and every opinion was by a white person. I’m not a racist person (heck, theres white in my blood) but I couldn’t find a brown girl to relate to. Someone who shared the same struggles as I did. So earlier this year I took a chance and googled “Black Witch”. I was scared I’d find all kind of links to devil worshippers, black magick and Satan followers. But alas, you were the 1st link on the list! I was so happy to find a Brown Witch who knows the craft better than I.  Not that I ever considered myself a specialist. But people ask some really crazy crap.  So I hide my talent, only my husband, mom, a trusted friend and mom-in-law knows. I just dont like being in the magick spotlight. Well to make an incredibly long story short, I am so glad I found you, and congrats for blogging about your craft for over 5 years. I hope that one day I can be as brave as you to put myself out there to help other know that being magickal is not being crazy. Hoorah and thank you. I’m sure well talk more soon!

– Vermail

To start with, everyone: I rather folks just call me Black Witch on here. Mainly for the same reason people don’t call Deadmau5 “Joel” or Jay-Z “Shawn”, even though that is their real first names. Also, everyone, I don’t like being distanced from Blackness, directly or indirectly. I’m not Brown (except in skin hue), I’m Black, plain and simple. And so is the person writing in, they’re Black. It’s internalized anti-Blackness exercised. I’m not mixed, I’m not brown, I’m not non-identified PoC, I’m Black. I don’t have a problem with being Black, it’s best others don’t either because whether any of them knows it or not, it’s anti-Blackness when you’re trying to distance yourself from it, especially for no good reason. And usually it’s Black folks writing in who are the bigger offenders.

Also, I’m Black American. Not simply American. Because America didn’t really find my Blackness very American (despite building the super-power nation) for a very long time, well after July 4, 1776. And still has problems noticing that I am also American and not simply because I pay my taxes to a country that craps a brick over anything that attempts to reflect my visage. And still gotta have a major debate on the freaking rebel flag/Confederate flag. I’m a Marylander and I know that’s a crock of bullsh*t. So, yeah, I’m American, but I’m not going to ignore my American history because being Black in America is a much different experience than being what is usually thought of when folks say “American”, which is a White American. Being colorblind is just White-washing on the sneak. If it was an international person writing in, “American” is just fine because I don’t expect folks overseas to full understand the race debacle here and when dealing with different nations, it’s ok to be identified by nationality (plus it helps to remind the world America fibs when they paint Americans as all White in nearly all overseas depictions) but with folks in the same nation as me? I’m “Black American” because… dislike of hereditary erasure.

This is a lot to read for everyone (as well as the second email sent) and I didn’t bother to break things up into paragraphs, so the TL;DR: “How do I manage dealing with spirits and getting better with my practice?” The best book for intermediate practice would possibly best be Intution Magick by Linda Keen and The Magickal Life by Vivianne Crowley (not related to Aleister Crowley, I believe). That and with any energy manipulation, learn meditation with a focus on energy manipulation. If new to meditation, the best app I would recommend is Intellicare’s Purple Chill, which has deep breathing, visualization and other exercises that are immensely effective and well taught.

Hey my question is about speaking with your inner self/selves. I’ve been looking for a while now to try and find a way to see into my inner most parts or at least be able to speak to myself. Do you know of a way to do that? Is it unwise to try? Thank you for taking time out of your day to read this

– Brandon C.

I was a bit confused at first because since I did post “Too Many Minds to Mind” recently, so I asked for clarification.

Is this a question for metaphysics or dissociative disorder? You will have to clairify.

Metaphysics possibly the ladder maybe you can discern: I can’t align my spirit. I can’t agree on one thing and I can’t feel at peace with decisions. One of the other (Inner or outer self) feels like it’s rebelling. That or it’s wounded. I wanted to know if there was a way I could commune or self search safely. Or a way to see inside?

Sounds like a potential dissociative thing but I’m not a therapist and notice I said “potential”, not “actual”. That and I just couldn’t let the “latter/ladder” thing slide, ah alors.

You mean ‘latter’, I think. The main part of any dissociative disorder is amnesia. If you can’t recall whole swaths of memory, that could be dissociative but it is best to get a screening because of how dissociative works. That is also not exactly the same with feeling at odd with your inner and outer self. If you still think it is dissociative, talk to a counselor to get a screening or look at the links I had on my post about Dissociative to best discern what it actually could be.

Apparently, that wasn’t what the dude wanted to hear.

Pretty sure it’s not. And I’m not trying to ask you to do something for me except tell me a simple way to see inside of myself. I appreciate you trying to help in a non witch way. And I don’t know weather you’re saying you can’t or won’t but I really just needed the tip on how to: commune again, safely with one’s self. And If anything what I’m exhibiting could be BPD1 or schizophrenia But again thanks for taking time out of your day to help me. 

I think when people write to a witch, they’re forever expecting spells or something that remotely seems “magickal” but A) if it’s a regular problem, you’re going to get a regular solution B) This is why I asked if it is a metaphysics question or a dissociative question and he said it was a dissociative question, which is the latter option. Going at a psychological illness with metaphysics just simply is a bad idea, hence why I suggested the dude get a screening if that’s what he thought he had so he could get a definite answer from a professional source and be able to successfully move forward. It’s a “non-witch” solution but the best one to suggest for anyone who thinks they have any psychological issues. If the dude said it was the former, a metaphysics question, then I would have said something entirely different since there are many schools of thought in metaphysics of alternate selves because they don’t come from trauma. Basically, I gave a solution: If you think you have alternate personalities/selves, get a screening to make sure. And I try to clarify this.

That’s why I suggested a counselor (or therapist), they can best help because if it something like an alternate personality, they’re there for a reason, thus not easy to commune with because they stem from trauma.

Hey, I have a therapist. I’m not trying to low key call the dude crazy for thinking he has an inner and outer self, I’m simply trying to suggest the best option for him if he thinks it is a disorder. Because that’s what he said the question was about. What did he expect? That I would give a meditation or something so you can get in touch with a side of you that was formed from trauma? You’ll unlock memories and experiences but if you’re not ready to deal with the deluge of whatever comes out of Pandora’s Box, it would be a bad – even dangerous – idea. Part of this is speaking from experience. If the dude wanted to ask a metaphysics version, he should have.

Mkay girl. Stay blessed 

O_o I’m turning 28 next week as of this post. When friends say “girl”, that’s fine. However, from strangers, it’s odd, especially guys. Basically: I’m nearly 30, I dislike the term “girl” in this context.

Not a girl, dude, I’m nearly 30.

Oh this isn’t the same black with from Afro-punk? I feel bamboozled

Firstly, there’s a Malcom X joke that can come from here somewhere. Annnnnn while I was writing on Afro-Punk when I was 23…five years have passed. I got older. Still wasn’t a girl then but still, c’mon.

I am, that’s where Black Witch started

Pretty simple, yeah?

That was a woman are you telling me now that this is admin based?

That makes next to no sense. But I tried.

Nope, Black Witch is still ran and maintained by one person. I simply don’t take kindly to being called a “girl” since I’m not one.

And out comes the deluge of emo:

Okay, gurl you’re like the least helpful witch I’ve happened upon. Girl wasn’t meant to type fast you is girl as in hey girl bye girl okay girl. I usually spell it with a u. Now that’s the second time you’ve tried to correct me it how I address you. Learn of your own culture and AAVE especially in the lgbt community. 

But you’ve answered more questions than I cared to ask at this point. 

Have a great day and please don’t respond to this. 

Are you serious

Ok, I have no idea why the sudden PMSing. Not doling out spells doesn’t make me “least helpful”, not everything needs magick to solve regular problems. It’s almost like asking me to craft a potion to remove a stain from your shirt and getting into a fit when I suggest “Try laundry detergent”. Everyone, yes, I’m a witch but I’m a person, too. And how was I supposed to know that he’s LGBT with zip, zero, zilch signifiers? Without any other colloquial identifiers (slang, basically), how the heck am I supposed to know? Remember, on the internet, no one knows who you are. This is why the saying “The Internet:Men are Men, Women are Men and Children are the FBI” still rotates around. This says nothing of the bunches of times the dude says “girl” in emo frenzy.

My response (because I can be a douche after putting up with this chicanery):

Sensitive, huh? And I can’t tell if you’re LGBT via just asking about inner and outer selves, brah. It ain’t a lack of knowledge when you go the Poe’s Law route by you barely us[ing] any slang and made a typo in addition. Besides, you asked a question, I gave an answer, what did you expect?

I have to learn Black slang? Dude, at least use Black slang right if you want me to understand it. It’s like asking me if I know Japanese and then getting upset I that I couldn’t tell you knew any either since you just only used the words “karaoke” and “sushi” in an all-English sentence. Why can’t I get smarter readers to write in? Certainly you guys got to have questions to ask me.

Here is the donation link

On June 18th, my mother was evicted from her home, where she had lived for nearly 20 years. She’s a special education teacher that has extensive experience in the field, especially helping inner city Baltimore students.

Through a myriad of unfortunate situations, she wound up not being able to pay rent on time and have massive fees piled on top.  Dealing with all of this, she wound up being put out. Enable to get her back into her home before the junk truck comes and clean it out, we have to raise $1010 dollars and quickly. Thank you for your help.

Happy 5th Anniversary!

Black Witch is 5 years old now. This is interesting because I’m always surprised BW could make it another year. With crappier posting times but still, huzzah.

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There’s not really much to say, but it is nifty that BW has been lasting a while. I think it’s not as streamlined as it used to be in the past but meh, even a blog can’t be static. However, I always think of improvements for the site. I have switched tablets, need to add stuff to the BW store (and need to do better upkeep of the BW store, I have been thinking of moving it off of etsy and streamlining more to be on this site. >.>)

In the coming year, I would like to get better questions for ABW. Less body-switching questions and spell requests because they are irritating. More about actual practices in metaphysics or something worthwhile. I know I’m not the only source of magick info or anything but I have got to get better questions.

Also, as a reminder, because Facebook is a digi-douche, if you are part of the Black Witch Fan Page, you can get better updates if you just select “Get Notification” on the FB fan page, this will fix it. Here is a picture for reference:

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Huzzah!

Here’s a cat picture

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For some really weird/stupid reason, people keep asking me to cast spells for them, despite the fact I don’t do pay-for-pray/paid spellcasting for other people and have made that clear a number of times. I don’t personally do it because ethics, but the same people, already showing a major lack in cognitive skills, they think my hard fast ethics will magically disappear if they say, “I’ll pay you”, because listening skills are not prominent in the intellectually redundant. I know I’m American but I lean Socialist, not Capitalist, with my opinions on money. If I say I don’t do paid spellworking, I think you should listen. Besides, paid spellwork costs somewhere around college tuition and most aren’t forking that out, I’m American enough to know that.

This goes double for love spells. Least favorite request (next to body-switching spells, which, as a result, I mercilessly mock), especially spells that try to control another person. It’s stuff like this why A) I don’t do paid spellwork B) Why I never deal with love spells, I’d rather counsel rather than help someone Evel Knievel their love life because love lives are already sticky enough without magick.

And this is where the story/example starts. A dude contacted me because they wanted their wife back. Already, this will be a doozy. At the start, I roll out the basics (click through if too small):

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Usually when people say “I need your help”, especially if they write pretty poorly, it’s usually an eventual request for me to do paid spellwork, which I don’t do. I say that all the time. Alllllllll. The. Tiiiiiiiime.

Continuing on:

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Just to be super basic, I don’t call folks. Yes, there is a Black Witch number but that’s mainly for business, not simply to talk to readers unless it’s super duper necessary, like the person is suicidal or going through a mental breakdown or something. This does not count as super duper necessary. That and I was on a phone call via Kakao to a friend in Korea. I’m not breaking that enjoyable phone call for some person who managed to probably nuke their own relationship.

For starters, the wife left this dude and took the kids with her. And as this convo goes on, I’m gonna put a little tic where this dude basically lacks all listening skills eh, you can probably count for yourself, it’s pretty obvious. And since I don’t do love spells, that means I shift into counselor mode, hence why I asked what did they argue about. The simple fact the dude quickly goes, “We were perfect but then her mom got in the way” pretty fast is definitely an issue. Yeah, there is such thing as meddlesome families but there’s more than one side to every story.

Here comes the issue: “Is there something [you] could do to help fix it so my wife will talk to me again”

I smell a spell request about to happen. And a manipulative one at that.

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As this dude tries to explain (describing endometriosis as merely “a female sickness” is already problematic and distancing, if he said it like that in front of her, that’s one reason why she’d split), it seems that the estranged spouse had a lot going on and simply wanted to cut whatever she felt was possibly adding to her stress. It’s usually never a good sign if someone tells you they fell out of love with you. That’s not something people do lightly.

And here comes the first mention where I say “I can’t do stuff that directly mess with free will” because messing with free will is bad, especially in magick. Now, everyone, why I especially don’t do it in love spells is because controlling others is abusive, regardless of how it happens. Forcing people to come back to you is never good, even if you miss them a lot. Because, if you want them back simply because you lost them and not because you figured out how you screwed up and want to make things right, then you don’t really want them back for them but for you and your bruised ego, heart and pride.

Alright, moving on:

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This dude starts to get a wee bit confusing. First time he mentioned that they weren’t spending a whole lot of time together, it sounded like the (ex)wife was making the claim. Now it seems dude is trying to back-peddle a little. That’s suspicious. And if it is the case of me simply derping out, if it is him who wants them to more time with each other, and she’s parted ways, maybe he’s starting to show an obsessive side…y’know, more than he already is.

This dude is super hardheaded, to be honest. This is a first of a buuuuuunch of times that I say “you can’t force her”. Because you can’t. If she wants to be gone, she wants to be gone, plain and simple. Yes, it hurts but life isn’t easy. And I get really confused also about how this dude somehow never knows what his soon-to-be ex is doing but somehow still knows updates about her life despite being somehow cut off from everyone who talks to her. That and how he bounced between “no one speaks to her, she’s basically alone” and “oh, they talk to her but not to me.”

Also, holmes shows a stunning lack of listening skills (which, mind you, are vital in a relationship) because despite the fact I said that I’m not doing any spellwork, he keeps asking. If you’re going to hardline like that, no wonder she left. It’s a really self-centered move to basically sidestep something someone says just because you don’t agree with what you hear. You can’t just ask the same question over and over in hopes a “no” will turn into a “yes”. It’s badgering.

And here comes the mother being somehow evil and masterminding the breakup. Somehow, I’m not buying this. Yes, meddlesome relatives are very much a thing but I don’t think that is what murdered this relationship.

Screenshot_2015-05-30-08-14-56-1Or the (ex)wife’s sister. The plot thickens!

This dude’s telling me that he never got along with her family (who she is close with so of course their opinion of him matters because she cares) and they never talked about it? That is a super dunce move because you basically have a live mine laying around buried in your relationship, quietly laying in wait. Everyone, if you have something like this TALK ABOUT IT. Because it will bubble up somehow, some way. Ignoring a problem won’t fix it. What this dude is calling “negativity” and “they just don’t like me” could very well simply be the mom and sis telling the (ex)wife that maaaaaaybe this dude ain’t so charming. I doubt they meddle in every relationship this chick has ever had because they’re from Cinderella’s step family.

Brah, what the flying fu- “She got a good man”?! Brah think he’s Will Smith or Barack Obama or something. Here’s the main difference between him and them: they still got their wives and don’t have to beg anyone to make them come back. Painting himself as the victimized, hard-working husband is super annoying because it usually never works out that way. In disintegrating relationships, it’s a two way street, usually. And, everyone, remember that the most common denominator of all your failed relationships are you. If everyone has divorced themselves from this dude and basically alienated him but not her, that’s saying something. And notice how the narrative changes from “she don’t talk to nobody/nobody talks to her” to “everyone sides with her, I get blocked out”?

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I know one other person who was in a relationship with someone who had. My guy friend was a lot more understanding than this dude. Also didn’t frame it so poorly. Plus, it sounds like the relationship was dying out for this dude.

Also…Math time!!

They’re both 28, known each other for 8 years (since they were both 20), married for 6 months and got separated for two months after that in those 8 years…

It would be rude to laugh but this is a looooooooong time to accuse a relationship going sour because of meddling. Even Othello wasn’t that long. If your relationship is crashing after a near decade, maaaaaaaaaybe it isn’t outside meddling alone because it should be strong enough to overcome that at the near ten-year point. That and both of you should have gotten used to (with air quotes) her family treating the dude like he’s Scott Pilgrim. And it should have been a point of discussion sometime within those eight years.

But wait…the kiddo is 7. This don’t sound like a “friendship” because while friends share many things, kids right after they initially meet aren’t one of them. Taking the usual 9 month pregnancy into account, it seems like they met, screwed about, wound up with a kid. Since Mississippi sucks on the whole “abortion is an ok option/god won’t hate you/here’s useful birth control methods” thing, this couple decided to wing it with this near-new stranger they just had a kid with. Stuff like this is part of why I sometimes rather counsel queer relationships because, like Dan Savage said, “gay people can’t get drunk one night and adopt.” I feel like if a kid was not involved, none of this would be happening.

This is not exactly a perfect situation. Chances are, the chick saw things were just not working out and ducked. At least she’s stable enough to get her an apartment for her and her kids while this dude is chillin with an aunt.

Since this guy is annoying, I mainly suggested bay leaves because bay leaves are good for luck and fortune. This is simply to boost his luck, not be a magic bullet that forces his (ex)wife to come back to him because, remember, I’m big on free will in relationships. Since this guy is pretty crap at following directions, thus it was a lot of “Yes, do [thing I just said]”, we’ll skip that screenshot.

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Notice that despite the fact I said that the bay leaves are just supposed to boost his luck, he still is asking time and time again if this will immediately fix his relationship. And time and time again, I keep saying, “if it is meant to be, sure” because that’s basically it. I am not going to suggest anything manipulative. Because that’s wrong. I don’t want this dude doing any magick on his wife because he doesn’t have her consent, for one. And for two, he’s not going to cast anything that actually benefits her, just him alone. Thaaaaat’s not love.

Also, here’s a protip: magick is usually subtle. What did this guy expect? That he would burn the bay leaves and immediately his (ex)wife would call him, swearing up and down that she made a mistake and will never leave him again? Naaaaaah, that ain’t how it’s going to work. I intended that. Plus, controlling will is not exactly newbie work and he’s beyond n00b. Still, it’s wrong tho.

Skipping another round of “Yes, do [thing I just said]”, let’s go to the screenshot after that.

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Here comes the dude going on the defensive about how things get bad and basically say “She needs to change, I’m fine as is”. Now, it’s not everyday people are going to be meta and objective about themselves but this is just ridiculous. If you think you’re perfectly fine and the partner needs to change, just let them go. If I have to pry a “But what will you do to help keep up the relationship should it ever come back together” answer, maaaaaybe you should just leave this person be.

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And here comes the really derpy thinking that a “good man” is basically “one that doesn’t cheat or physically abuse”. That doesn’t make you a good husband, you’re supposed to not hit or cheat on your significant other. That’s pretty basic. That doesn’t constitute “good significant other”, that’s the baseline you’re supposed to build upon, end of story.

Considering all of this, even though he likes to blame the mom a lot, I don’t think she is the main reason why she is gone. If anything, I think I’m talkin to ’em.

Skipping a few posts because it’s the same go around because, wow, this guy is hardheaded, I even suggested the dude read Dr. Nerdlove, who has written threegreat pieces, including one recently(oh wait, a newer one! That makes four!), about dead/dying relationships. Dude wouldn’t listen because there’s no “How to make someone who doesn’t love you anymore love you again” article.

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And here comes the granddaddy derp of them all: the “cuz she’s my woman” defense! Dude thinks it’s ok to control people if you’re married to them. I think he took that “love, honor and obey” part way too seriously (do people still say the last bit?). Um, no. The (ex)wife is still an individual, her own person. It doesn’t matter if she is his wife, if she wants to make her own choices, she should be able to. To be with someone who thinks otherwise, they may as well not even get married since that person clearly haven’t moved on from the “property” concept of marriage. Kind of sh*tty concept for the 1500s, really sh*tty concept when you hit the 2000s. She don’t wanna love him for anything, and definitely not for him. She proved that when she walked out the door and blocked him everywhere. And everyone is working in concert with her to make sure he doesn’t know where she is.

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As much as I would have liked to have said this convo ended here, it continued on for a way while longer. This dude needs to simply move on and have a hard think on what makes a relationship “good”. In all honesty, it sounds like an accident with a super long lasting effect. (Remember, safe and consensual sex is great!) And the fact he wanted a controlling love spell to get her back is part of why I don’t do paid spellwork and why I’m vehemently against inflicting on free will. Usually, spells like these aren’t with the estranged’s best interests in mind, it’s usually for a selfish reason. People have to decide for themselves, not have someone wrench that away from them. I’m going to take it that if she doesn’t want to talk to him after 8 years of knowing him, she probably has a very good reason.

Actually, after talking to this dude, I have a strong feeling she had a really good reason. I doubt if she could ask me anything, it would be him coming back to her. She moved on, he should, too.

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