Black Witch

I wanna start this time with a sorta seasonal-style rhyme, just because:

T’was two nights after Christmas and all through the ice rink, I was skating and twirling – not too bad, but I could be way better, I think
Ice skates returned with their blades a-clatter, I checked my phone for new updates and pondered of ice cream in the flavor of cake batter
Upon the screen, as I could tell, was another random person asking for wishes to be granted, some kind of spell
They promise to pay – honestly, I thought to myself, it is always the same
I sigh and send a swift reply: I don’t do paid spellwork, can’t you read? I’m a witch not a genie. You big dummy.
But the pest didn’t like the result:
“I would not talk to me like that because I can kill you really fast so watch out who you insult”

But lo, I didn’t pout, I didn’t cry –
I simply took screenshots and contacted both his job and the FBI

Not my best poem evaaaaaar but felt suiting for the holidays

Yep, I got what can offically count as a death threat because some dude wanted to be a douche. Lolz.

Here are the screenshots

Everyone, I am remarkably clear about being asked for paid spellwork/pay-for-pray: I don’t do it, do not like being asked about it and will razz anyone who attempt to do so anyways. Hey, I like to line my boundries with electrified barbed wire, reduces the overall payload.

This dude is no different. Asking for three wishes? Is this Aladdin? 1001 Arabian Night? Dude, I don’t grant wishes but for this kind of behavior, I will grant miseries.

I looked into seeing who this dude is and here is the kicker:

“I am a very nice person”

Really? Really? Because nice people don’t say “I can kill you really fast so watch out who you insult.” Not-so-nice people, yes. Actual nice people, no.

This is most likely the first time I’ve gotten any semblance of a death threat – and this blog has been here for nearly 10 years. I didn’t feel scared, I actually chuckled at the absurdity of it all and just prepped this post, found his job to send them screenshots (we had a lovely phone conversation) and then buzzed the fuzz since the person is in another state, thus FBI jurisdiction, not local police.

The dude is all the way in South Dakota – roughly half of America away from me – and works a blue collar job, I am not crawling the walls in trepidation but I do want to make clear this behavior is not cool. At all. It is annoying, at minimum. At max, it is an actual threat, even if said in anger and not seriousness. I mean, if he was just futzing about, it’s on him now to convince his job and the feds that.

And this is what I end the year with. Time to play the popular Baltimore Club mix most suiting for this moment

I have had my questions pile up so I’m going to answer as many as I can today! Let’s get started. Some of these questions are from as far back as August so they are what I will start with first.

Do u take spell requests

– Yuna Y

Everyone, I write excessively about the fact I don’t do paid spellwork/pay for pray. It’s all over this site. All over it. Especially enough that the average person should and does understand that I don’t like them. And I said so. And here’s how the convo went:

Not at all

Can u make an acception for me please

That’s stupid. Fix your own problems. Plain and simple.

Your rude

I write about this on my blog over and over and over again. If that didn’t dissuade you, then I am not going to be nice.

First of all I didn’t know u had a blog and secondly u weren’t nice to begin with

Then how did you contact me to start? That’s why this address exist, because of that blog. If you failed to research, that is not my problem.

Ur evil I don’t have to explain myself to the like of you

Not evil, I’m stern because I generally hate spell requests, which I’m usually vocal about. Wherever you got my info from should have mentioned that.

I’m sorry I didn’t know u hated spell request

Now you do.

Wanna call it truth

That made no sense but here’s free advice: don’t bother with spell requests. You’ll probably get ripped off online

Ok thx and I was trying to ask if you want to be friends with me

No thanks

This is more of a post-mortem than anything. I don’t like to be asked for paid spellwork, as I have said. This person really seemed to very much not get it. I don’t make exceptions for anyone, ever. Because no one’s problems are so great that I, a total stranger, feel like I have to get involved and magickally at that. Go find the pop witches who spend their time hexing Donald Trump for that. (It’s not that he doesn’t deserved to be cursed, it’s just – you have honestly no idea if your spellwork even took hold because his life is very distant from the average person’s view, regardless of what he spews on Twitter. Plus, if you’re only just noticing that bad people existed starting with Trump, you’re a bit of a fool yourself). I don’t mind suggesting normal life problems fixes but that’s it.

It’s not evil to say “I said plenty times in the past I don’t do this. Still has not changed, so absolutely not.” If this kid thinks that’s evil, either they’re so sheltered they honestly don’t know what actual evil looks like, so terrible at being even remotely manipulative they couldn’t even guilt trip me into trying to help her issues or so dimwitted that they thought having a hissy fit would work. Also, I would like to remind everyone: she contacted me, not the other way around.

And the “want to be friends” thing? After acting like this? Are you cracked? Freakin’ no way! I don’t want to be friends with people who will bug me every twist and turn for spellwork because they are too lazy to fix their own problems and pitch a fit if I don’t. That’s not a friend, that’s an annoyance. Mosquitoes are less irritating.

My name is Cindy S. My fiance has been cheating on me. I have contacted different spell casters and paid for services and all of them have just taken my money. What can I do to make him stop cheating and to be faithful to me and love me like I love him. I have been good to him. I have never disrespected or cheated on him. I take care of his kids and him. Please can you help me

– Cindy S

Good thing she said “fiance” and not “husband”. Just call off the wedding and find someone more faithful. Much easier said than done but dumping the guy is generally the best solution. Burn his favorite thing, too? Just pack your bags and leave because you may love the guy but it is bleedingly obvious that he doesn’t love you. At all. Yeah, there are kids involved but they are his kids, not yours. Unless there is major abuse happening, you don’t have to stick around.

And it sounds about right when you’re looking for spell-casters online – you got ripped off. Just like I said in the last one, you’re gonna get ripped off if you try to find those who do paid spellwork online. I say this over and over. It’s the internet, anyone can say anything and when there is money to be made, the bs meter rises likes magma.

Hello I think I’m cursed by a dredge. Can you help.

– Beck N.

I will always think of a Beck song when I see anything “Beck”. That is because Beck is an amazing musician, I love “Nausea” and “E-pro”. This question, not so great. If it were a Beck lyric, I would be like, “Bro, this is so deep, maaaaaaaaan!” but this ain’t that. What in the Hogwarts is this person talking about? I have no idea. And the world of magick is far and wide, I’m not going to hit the books to figure it out.

Enjoy this Beck song instead, “Colors” from his newest album Colors:

Soceress women going get me
– Albert

What this reminds me of:

Here is the thing, usually people who do not engage in magick on average send me things like this. And on average, this is usually not the case. Especially when it is coming from a guy, then it is usually some normal issue that flies into the face of their misogyny and then imagination takes over and flutter straight into my inbox. Chances are quite good that it is not a case of actually evil, female witches out to wraith this poor soul but someone who just need to look at their problem from another, very normal perspective.

I DON’T KNOW IF YOU CAN HELP ME BUT I MYSELF AM NOT A WITCH AND I CAN NOT PAY BUT IS THERE A SPELL THAT I CAN DO TO MAKE SOME ONE HOPELESSLY INLOVE WITH ME JUST ASKING I’M DESPARATE I MISS HIM

– Juliet L

My response when I initially replied to the email:

A) STOP SHOUTING. I STILL WON’T CARE.
B) Read my site, this is a stupid question. It’s your problem

This didn’t turn out to be a long convo like the first person, I got a simple “ok” afterwards, which is fine. Here is the thing, I check my email a lot. No one has to post anything in all caps to get my attention at all. And shouting to get my attention for paid spellwork is beyond irritating, hence why I called it a “stupid question”. I favor research, not blind blundering.

Also, I don’t like the manipulative vibe of “make someone love me”. Notice this is second time I’ve gotten something like this? And I’m not cherry picking, I’m simply clearing out my inbox of backed up questions. It is creepy beyond reason to ask for someone to be hopelessly in love with you, especially through magick. You may as well ask for a stalker because that’s exactly what you’re gonna get. Free will can suck because that means the person has the very open option to use their free will to express not being with you but it is a thing you have to respect. It isn’t fun and it’s a good fraction of Kleenex tissues yearly income but it’s there for a reason.

i recently moved in an old house, pre civil war old. I felt something watching me. this is not a new feeling to me. The thing that is makeing me wonder is the odd things ive found around the house. Number one I was told recently that 4 years ago a man passed away at the home of an illness. His name is written on every tree surrounding the house. Their is a unique handmade broom above my cabinets in my kitchen. All things were taken out of the house but the deceased mans clothing and the broom… any idea if this could mean a spell of some kind?

– samantha b

Honestly, without more backstory, it could be something or it could be nothing. It’s pre-Civil War, that house saw a lot of death, destruction and illness. Also, it’s the lands of the Civil War, dead spirits are everywhere. I should know, I live in Maryland. Welcome to war in very prejudiced nations, everyone! Your house could be haunted from that alone. Note the “could” and the fact it is not an “is”.

Name being written on every tree surrounding the home while ill does sound spooky but also could be border marking as well (I have heard outrageous stories, some from my own homeowner friends, of people executing various ways to express “This is mine. And this. And this. And especially that.”).  It could also be some young person that watched waaaaay too much Charmed thinking that marking a name on every tree in sight could hold magickal purpose (not saying it can’t, but the type of tree does matter. Different trees mean different things. Scribbling something into an oak could mean something different than scribbling into an ironwood). It could be a load of things.

I wouldn’t think too much on why they left someone else’s clothing there outside the fact that the movers could have thought, “Dude, that’s a dead guy’s clothes. He died of illness, not old age. I’m not touching that. Ew.” The broom could be seen as part of the decor, just like the lamp shades and cabinets, and thus it stayed. The realtor could have looked at it and said, “Let’s keep it, it could justify me tacking three grand extra to the price.”

I would err on saying “not a spell” but feel free to do a top-to-bottom home cleaning with some good ol’ Lemon Pinesol to allay your concerns at least a little. Perhaps deep cleaning could help.

Am I going have this soldier boy Delane [redacted] to be my husband does he love me love me a lot

– Antonette A.

Dude, I get these questions a lot. I’m not a walking Magic 8 Ball, everyone. If you want to know if someone really cares about you or will marry you, try asking them. If they seem to beat around the bush for such a direct question, please remember that a non-answer is still an answer, just not a positive one. If you want to know if the person you’re dating will be your husband, go buy the ring and propose to him already. That’s probably the most surefire way to know (unless you have been dating for less than two years, then it’s moving much too fast and being far too hopeful).

hi im grace could i [p]lease be pregnant and could you make my water break

– Grace S.

Le grossssssss.

First of all, I hate children. That’s probably one of the few “witch stereotypes” I actually have. That and the fact I have a cat. Why would I, of all people on this planet, be asked to be any version of a midwife or obstetrician? I personally think there is already too many people on this planet anyways, why add more?

These are questions to ask a doctor. An actual obstetrician, not a random person on the internet. Visit your local Planned Parenthood and work the rest out yourself. And given the very poor show of smarts, I would strongly recommend holding off on having kids because dimwitted people should not risk creating more dimwitted people.  Child care is difficult. You don’t have to be a genius but you do want to have more than two brain cells to rub together.

Hello – i have been scared to talk about this and was wondering if you could help me personally,

I have been practicing the pagan faith for a few years now and I am very in touch with it and spirituality, I’m also empathic and have mediumship/psychic tendencies and abilities. For awhile now, I have been getting distressing nightmares except they’re not nightmares…more like visions. As time goes on they keep getting worse, I get visions and nightmares of things non-human and the world ending. I’m scared. There’s so much fear and death and horrible things/feelings. When I was little I used to see dark entities/shadows and felt like i’m being watched, and i had very bad night terrors,most of it went away as I got older but I have always had mediumship/psychic abilities/visions etc, The whole thing with feeling watched has never gone away and I get it to this day – although the darkness doesn’t feel threatening to me. I figured this was all me feeling this but other psychics/seers/gifted people that i’ve met have all said I carry a dark energy and aura, and all gave me cards to psychic friends or aura cleansers/psychic health people. It’s that type of darkness I feel again. I want it to stop, I don’t like these visions of the end of the world and the darkness. I don’t like feeling people’s pain.

Blessings,

Natasha

I would strongly recommend learning how to meditate. That’s is the best solution I can come up with. If you have an actual ability to foresee and sense, meditation is your best bet to keep it under control or it will easily become very distressing.

Try following this to get better at controlling breathing and getting started in meditation. Try not to think and stay focused on the image.

This is a great gif to look at to learn how to get started. Just do this 5 – 10 minutes a day and this should help calm things down bit by bit. It won’t be overnight but it is a start.

Hello. I am a young writer who wanted to connect to a writer god. I chose Anansi as African Deities always appealed to me the most. I am nervous and did not realize the urgency of contacting a god. I asked to become a student of his and for a favor involving love, as well promised to name my first born after him. I am a young gay author and I feel as if I jumped into this with only lite witch craft knowledge. What should I expect?

– Dakota S.

This is what I was referring to during the Alt-Black podcast. Let’s look at the whole convo and do a post-mortem.

Ok, this is not a bright idea. At all. Don’t do it. At all. Anansi will *not* help how you want him do and DON’T OFFER A KID, even just to name them. I’ll go in detail on Ask Black Witch.

Don’t do it.

Like is there a way to reverse this? I didn’t mean to ask him for the love favor, I was invoking a story of love and absentmindedly said “Bring my love back to me,” and I want to take it BACK SO BAD! I did not mean to let is slip at all, but I was getting into the story. I had left him treats, beer, and cigarettes, and he was telling me he was there by flicker of a candle. Again, I wish to be a student but DONT WANT THE LOVE PART! I feel so bad for asking it, I just want to be a student of story telling!

I don’t provide spell help, sorry.

Shit. I’m sorry to bother you with all this. I didn’t even mean to let it slip, this was supposed to be way different with other story tellers and as a way to become better writers. I’m so sorry.

One last thing…. all this started from a dream where I met Anansi. Do you think he deliberately reached out to me knowing this would happen?

I left out some stuff to keep this bare-bones but this is a “yikes” situation.

Here is Anansi, as defined by Mythology Dictionary:

A trickster-god of the Yoruba. Father of Ntikuma. He was originally a creator-god but was changed into a spider when a king kicked him for killing his huge ram, which had eaten Anansi’s crops. Others say that he was defeated in a shape-changing contest by the chameleon and came down to earth on a rope. He now appears both as a spider and a man. He begged a single cob of corn from God, promising to provide him with 100 slaves. By pretending the cob had been stolen, he tricked a chief into giving him a basketful of cobs to keep him quiet. He swapped the cobs for a hen, the hen for some sheep and the sheep for a corpse. Pretending that this was a son of God who had been killed by the sons of a chief, he persuaded the chief to give him 100 young men whom he presented to God as slaves. To prove that he was as clever as God himself, he captured the sun, the moon and darkness in a bag. When he produced the sun from the bag some people were blinded. On one occasion he got stuck to the Gum Girl, on another an antelope carried him to safety from a bush fire. To repay this kindness he wove a web around the antelope’s baby, so hiding it from the hunters. When he asked the sky-gods to sell him some stories he was told that the price would be a fairy, a hornet, a leopard and a python. The gods were so impressed when Anansi produced all these items that they gave him all their stories, which they called Anansesem. In one story he owned a pot that was always full of food, and when his children broke the pot he punished them with a whip. The inquisitive children examined the whip, which then started to beat them and would not stop. On another occasion he boasted that he could ride a tiger but the king asked the tiger, who said that this was a lie and tried to get Anansi to retract in the king’s presence. By pretending to be ill the spider induced the tiger to carry him on his back and, of course, he needed a bridle, a saddle and a whip. When the king saw the spider riding the tiger, he welcomed him to the royal palace.

Yah, that guy. That’s who this person summoned with beer and cigs and a child. That is not a good idea. Like, my instinctive, initial reaction was this:

Anansi is a great and wonderful deity – as in, he’s clever and will always leave you with something to learn. Problem is, is literally everything that was penned above about him. Especially if you are a young queer writer that just wants to dole out a story. I also would like to mention that Anansi, though a very creative and clever deity, is not a griot-type deity. He had tales made of him by other gods the same way a king asks a painter to depict them. It’s just…augh, of all the deities to ask for writing help, Anansi wouldn’t even have been in my top twenty!

What is there to do here? Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, hope Anansi literally doesn’t care, especially about the kid part. Maybe he’ll think “I can do nothing with these people, I’m bored,” and leave. That’s about it. Or dig an even deeper hole for yourself and ask another deity to help you out. Or entity. Or anything. This spider fools tigers and kings, steals the sun and moon to prove a point and did one (1) person one (1) solid simply out of “eh, you helped me, so I’ll help you. Consider debt repaid.” The best I could suggest is hope for the best and try to correct things with Anansi – and don’t offer him anything else! This is why I don’t work with deities much and I do research before I do with the ones I plan to. This is also why I say don’t dabble.

Like, other African deities for writing and creativity, your best bet would probably be Mawu–Liza (Sometimes spelled as “Lisa”), and Seshat (Egyptian but still, Egypt is in Africa). GodChecker and Mythology Dictionary has a lot of African deities so give those lists a gander because Anansi is not some super evil deity, it’s just tricksters are difficult to work with and be on the straight and narrow with. Nothing is ever clear with those guys.

so this event happened when i was 14 or 15 i was home alone with my uncle … he has seizures , for my luck he got one that day while u was alone with him . i called my parents screaming in panic they rushed home and called 911 for my uncle in that time they didn’t know i was having a panic attack my first one yet. after that day i didn’t feel like my self i felt as if i was floating as if my body was on earth and my mind wasn’t. my parents took me to a “warlock” this guy was legit as soon as you would sit down he’d predict your future stuff like that. so i sat down and he asked which one of us (my dad mom and me) was a witch. we sat in shock and he said you (me) you’re a natural born witch. i told him everything as i was telling him this the energy in the room was thick only me and him felt it. i felt as if i were flying . he told me it took me so long to realize i was a witch because something traumatizing had to happen he said he realized he was a warlock when he saw his best friend get murdered he said it feels as if a part of you has been taking which is how i felt. he told me “you have such an amazing gift your could either use for good or bad, you’re going to do big things when you learn how to control your gift” . after leaving my mom told me when i was just 7 months old another warlock told her i was a witch as well. can someone help me cope with this,should i believe him? what should i do?

-Yajaira C.

This is gonna take a while to unpack, get a cup of hot cocoa.

Okies, let’s start with the lingo. Warlocks are usually shorthand for “bad (usually male) witches”. The word is middle English, warloghe, from before year 900. In ye olde English, it stems from “waerloga”, which mean “oathbreaker” because “waer” means “covenant” and “loga” means “betrayer” (and that word comes from “leogan”: to lie). Yay, dictionaries!

Note that there is nothing about gender in there. Just “liar, deceiver”. Outside of D&D and World of Warcraft, no one I have ever come across has ever called themselves a “warlock”. Male witches are just “witches”. Because they are practicing witchcraft.

Now, it sounds like what you experienced after your uncle’s health episode was dissociation, not a mark of being a witch. You just went through something traumatic, it makes sense you would feel this way. You don’t have to experience something traumatizing to become a witch. At all. Maybe in the movies and on television to speed up the plot but not in real life. Which is a good thing, trauma is awful.

The thing about witchcraft is, with practice, research and time, anyone can do it. It’s only considered “occult” (which means “hidden”) because people from other faiths (usually the Christian one) considered it such and did everything they could to make it so. Does this mean some people are not more inclined than others with abilities such as clairaudience and such? Nah, talents can be anything. I recommend the same thing I suggested for the other person above: learn meditation and start from there. I always recommend Lauren Manoy’s book Where to Park your Broomstick and anything by Ellen Dugan because they are wonderful writers for beginners.

So, I realize that you don’t do these, that is not what I am asking. Honestly, I prefer to perform my own spells, and you don’t do “pay-for-pray” as you call it, which is great. But anyways, this is my question. And yes, I know you hate these questions but you seem to be the only person I have found that seems even somewhat legitimately knowledgeable on the topic. Is body swapping possible? I am not asking you to do, it, just if it is possible, and if so, how would tat be performed. And 2, if possible, would it be possible for me to perform that for two friends of mine who willingly want to do so (as in, not myself involved in the swap, just casting for them with them in my presence)? And what are the possible side effects, if known? Thank you, and I apologize for bothering you.

– clmcgowan

Person notes that I hates this question. Basically asks it anyway in a very roundabout manner because somehow they have not thoroughly read through all the other times I have talked about it.

Here’s the thing: I don’t just dislike being asked to do body-switching. I dislike dabblers asking about it even when they want to do it by themselves because, guess what? It eventually winds up in my inbox. When daft people do daft things in magick, it tends to wind up in my inbox. Because they are dabblers. I dislike dabblers in general.

The person also seems to deftly ignore the “I don’t provide spell help” that I bring up also on my site. They clearly do not know what they are doing, hence why they are bugging me. Because somehow books magically stopped existing and the concept of research has never happened. The internet doesn’t know everything, even if it is vast and wide.

How do I know they’re pretty much asking for a spell? The tell-tale “I am not asking you to do, it, just if it is possible, and if so, how would [that] be performed?” That is asking for a spell. If you knew what you were doing, this wouldn’t be a question at all. You would also know that upper forms of magick are difficult and have more cons than pros, hence why they are called “advanced”. It’s witchcraft, even with the best intentions and handiwork, it can blow up in your face quite brilliantly. And the less learned you are, the more likely it becomes a case of “when” than “if”. And when it happens, back into my inbox will I see this person again, with a brand new problem they’re not apt to solve.

This is why I find such a question annoying. It’s not teaching someone anything, it’s just adding to stupidity and dabbling. This is why I tell people to not dabble.