I have known this man on and off as a friend of my son’s father.  This summer things got very serious between us very fast, you know, “I love you”, “I will never break your heart.”  Guess what he did.  I don’t know why and I can only guess but my heart is in so many pieces and I find it hard to concentrate. I am 48 years old and you think I would know better. Never had a clue.  Mother of his 20 year old son I guess the bonds are hard to break but I did not even know.  Should I let this go?  When do I finally get my true love or is there even such a thing? Why am I always getting it broken?

– Lisa

I would not believe anyone who says, “I’ll never break your heart.” No one should. It can’t exactly be promised because any relationship can go wrong with or without warning, it can only be shown. Dating someone who says “I’ll never break your heart” sounds too good to be true and it usually is. If the guy (or girl) says, “I’ll never leave you” or “I’ll never break your heart,” chances are strikingly good they’re going to do just that, especially if it’s said so early in the relationship. I hate to say it but it sounds like you’ve been gullible, hoping for a Prince Charming and upset you’re winding up with nothing but frogs.

Everyone wants someone who can give them the moon and stars, even me. There’s nothing wrong with wanting that, it’s perfectly human. True love is something everyone wants, the ultimate companionship that is painless, perfect and forever without doubt. I personally believe that there is true love but I also believe that not everyone meets it in the life they’re currently in (side note: I believe in reincarnation).  True love, just like everything else in life, serves its own purpose so if you’re meant to meet them, then you will. If it’s not for this life, then it’s not. Yes, it sucks but the universe doesn’t work for one person nor plays favorites.

As for figuring out if you have a true love or if you’ll meet them, it isn’t easy. Possible but a total Pandora’s Box. You can’t actively seek out true love like it is simply sitting there and waiting to be discovered. Your true love has (or should have) a life of their own and when it’s right for you two to collide then you will. Otherwise, don’t bother looking incredibly hard for it because you could be screwing up your own chances. Plus, would you be happy with what you get? Right now, you simply might not be ready. I used to do a “True Love Spread” which actually consisted of a series of individual spreads but that had proven to consistently open up a can of worms such as this so I decided to stop. Some things are better not knowing…though it certainly doesn’t make anyone feel better knowing that.

Say you found your true love, then what? Is life going to be perfect or have more meaning? Not really, you still have to provide that for yourself because no one else can or will do that for you. If you don’t set time aside to better yourself and learn about yourself, prepare to get your heart broken over and over and over. You have to at least have a basic gist in mind of what you want in a relationship, in a partner and not be afraid to go after either. Stop believing some Prince Charming is simply going to pop up out of nowhere and sweep you off to Happily Ever After. Make yourself charming for yourself, the person you’re really going to have to live with and die with. When pursuing your own life rather than hoping for another to come along, maybe you’ll find your true love but even if you didn’t, at least you’ll be happier with yourself. It’s a struggle and far easier said than done but the best shot to take in your situation. As for the heartbreak – while it’s terribly cliché and I hate this saying myself but it’s going to take time for your heart to heal. Stop running after others for a while – maybe a year or so – to focus on the life and family you already have and let your heart have a chance to heal itself. So let the guy go and focus on yourself. He needs to figure himself out and so do you.

And for the record in case anyone is wondering, I consider true love and soul mate as two different things. You can meet your soul mate and not meet your true love. A soul mate is just that, someone who syncs very well with you through good times and bad or someone you’re simply supposed to know or be with. That soul mate can be your best friend to that stray constantly on your stoop every morning. True love is someone who helps you grow and reach your highest potential but you do the same for them likewise, you both grow and expand together. Does that mean no more arguments? No. Every relationship that involves two imperfect beings (which is every human relationship on this earth) is going to have its ups and downs. How else will the relationship grow anyways if there isn’t any push or pull? 

That would be Ask a Witch/Ask Black Witch* for September! It’s really nice to receive submissions, I don’t get enough. Feel free to ask me anything about myself, yourself or about somebody else. Ask a Witch/Ask Black Witch* is your time to give and get feedback about anything. You can ask me about why I believe in reincarnation or why I’m Black but don’t use the Egyptian pantheon, how to come out the broom closet to loved ones or why I can’t stand daily horoscopes but I study and use astrology. Your questions can also be personal issues from your own life such as the one Lisa asked, I’m perfectly okay with this. My only don’t for Ask a Witch/Ask Black Witch* is to ask for readings. I will not do readings for AaW/ABW*, sorry. You’ll have to wait for a sweepstakes or a contest to roll around (like the one that will be in October, the next post “Mental Mentality”) or do it yourself.

Another nota bene: While I can receive submissions through the Ask Black Witch submission form, via comments, on Twitter and email, please note that I get a nasty slush pile of spam in my Black Witch inbox every time I post my email here (You can find my email in the About Me/Contact Me page up top). I work pretty hard to keep that inbox looking nice and presentable so if you’re going to email a submission, please have something like “Ask Black Witch” in the subject line or I’m going to automatically think it’s spam and hit delete. If you can’t think of a decent subject line (and for some odd reason don’t want to use the one I just gave), just use the Ask Black Witch* submission form on the right hand side of this column, that’s what it’s here for.

*Nota bene #3/Editor’s Note: After some thinking, I have decided that this will be the last Ask a Witch – as for the name, that is. “Ask a Witch” shall be renamed “Ask Black Witch”. I just figured it would be a nice change… and the fact that just about every Pagan publication uses the name “Ask a Witch” for submissions is a daunting thought when you want your column to stand out. Just me putting my spin on things as usual. – BW