Before we start, have you sent in your submission for the Samhain Pickers Giveaway or know about the Black Witch Samhain vcast on Ustream? Info at the bottom of the post!

It’s almost Halloween/Samhain and wow did it show this month in terms of questions. I think the vast majority, if not all questions, I got were quite deadminded this month. Ugh. So I thought, “Hey, what’s a better way to show folks what not to send for Ask Black Witch than through actual example?” Remember, I appreciate only good questions. And eviscerate the bad ones. A person doesn’t have to write drivel to get my attention nor to get me to respond, trust. I try to respond to everyone as much as possible so you’ll get my attention regardless if you call for it but it’s purely up to you if you want my attention in a good or bad way. I still don’t get why people think you have to send sucky stuff or do negative things to be noticed.

Onward with the derp questions! And I’m not even going to do my usual light editing to smooth out super rough edges grammatically or writing wise.

i want to be a vamp plz help
– Leiaia

Short answer: No.

Long answer: Ok, people. Please don’t send me questions like these if you want me to take you seriously. Ever. If she said “Hey, I’ve been reading up on Vampires/Vampyres and even doing research. I think it would be interesting to be one, would you suggest any books or sites so I can learn more about it?” then I would have been fine because, hey, we all start somewhere and I’m a strong supporter in a person doing research using actual research materials, not Wikipedia and some teen supernatural-themed movie. Notice the full sentences, complete with non-txt speak spelling and the acknowledgement that I’m not their first stop of knowledge. If I got that question, I would have probably put in more research myself to help her out (I’m a Witch, not a vampire (I have interacted with the music industry but I’m not that fiendish) so my address book isn’t exactly filled with vampires, mummies and ghouls) and maybe put her on the right path because, yay, information.  This question is no different from the usual “plz help me b a witch”, which is also irritating. And so is the fact the person decided to send it to me twice with no improvements on the second go around. I actually drew this question from the second message (which was just like the first).

dream in a devil, as a living things come through my arms and back. just as 1/2.inch.tall.
– Jose R.

See, this made absolutely no sense whatsoever. All I gleaned from this was: Dream, devil, living things through torso, 1/2″ tall.

That’s still makes no sense and I have done weird dreams before. Probably some weirder than this one is trying to be. And because I did not understand what this kid was saying, I asked to clarify (which I do pretty frequently when I get questions that don’t make a lot of sense). This is the whole exchange:

BW: You’re making little to no sense, you’re going to have to clarify.

J: i ve been wake inside my dream and see the am talk w 4 shades

This dude is still not making a lic of sense. I guess he was talking about lucid dreaming? But still, he has to make sense enable for me to figure out what is going on. And he also decides to load my inbox with more fantastical, broken worded emails in a short period of time

J: what means to wake inside my dream and see the fevil but u side/ or see 4 dark shadows sit with me in a table talk it n play it??

What? He was doing so well at first, making sense and all, but then it descended back down into wtf-ville.

J: so if i can see the devil in my dreams, and the others where this bring me to???

Not exactly a strong achievement to see what you think may be the eternal lord of darkness in your dream. The dude of evil gets around. I still couldn’t make a whole lot of sense to be able to understand if what he saw was a dream symbol or the actual manifestation of Lucifer and work from there.

J: i cast up for a new trails in the shadows of the force that as to be purified to your minstrelsy in the blood that can only under my skin in the soulless incarnation of evil :

Wat da fuc-

BW: Yeah. You’re still making little sense. All I have gleaned from this is that you have the devil in your dreams, which could very well be a dream symbol in opposed to the actual lord of darkness paying you a visit and that there may be other dark entities that you’re seeing in your dream – which could also be symbols but I don’t really know for sure because your responses aren’t that descriptive.

And that’s the last I heard of the kid. I think…nope. He just sends under another email moniker (possibly an honest mistake).

J: hey i know the i would be livin in the underworld.n am ok with it.hey how can be into the black majic i ve been trying but do not work/ive been sleep inside a big pentagram n more. i saw merlin ones in my dream -for real no lie”!!

BW: This has got to be a joke. At least, that’s how I’m gonna perceive it.

J: no joke !!-u are witch.n ve never those( dreams ) cuz i be w then for ever !”

BW: If it isn’t a joke, then could you write out what is going on in better form than this There’s no way I’m taking what you wrote seriously otherwise.

J: well ; the thing is the always i been ve creapy dreams- but like 3 or 4 years ago i start to wrote about the devil- n god- angels- n man-) i ve tons of writing; n then my become more real. the i was it not no if i was sleep or not” ( no body has can tell me not about it .church- people dont want to hear about it” ( i guess ither u — blackwitch “:!!!

J: u ve no answer” i tough someone like u would ?;

BW: I’m not answering quickly because a) I have a life outside of BW and b) you still are making absolutely no sense because I can barely understand your writing since it is not in normal grammatical form. I generally don’t take seriously letters written this poorly because if the person didn’t care enough to make actual sense so I could provide help, I’m not really going to care either. So your option is A) write better in your next response or B) sit it out to the end of the month for the Ask Black Witch.

Everyone, if you’re going to write to me…. Make. Sense. To be honest, everyone thinks the devil is visiting them. Seriously. And don’t bother sending creepy photos like this kid did. They’re creepy and that doesn’t convince me you’re on to something, just some wannabe megalomaniac that’s reaching for any resemblance of relevancy.

And if you sleep in a pentagram, it doesn’t mean anything besides the fact that you probably have partially questionable interior decorating tastes. I think I have friends who also have a pentagram rug, they got it because it matched the drapes and posters on the walls. It’s really not a big deal. It won’t give you magical powers, it’s just decoration.

my name is anaie perales im 21 yrs old been with my boyfriend for fivr yrs and recently of last yrs we got married and we’ve been trying to if we could make a baby but we’ve been out of luck i was wondering if i could have kids
– Anaie P.

Dude, I’m not a doctor. GO SEE AN OB/GYN! A doctor for women and pregnancy would probably be your best bet on deciding if you can have a kid or not. Not me. I don’t even like children. Get some tests done and talk to a doctor to see if you’re infertile or not. Seriously. And if you’re worried about the cost, check out the Affordable Healthcare Act and go from there.

How do one join …
– Sheena

Full sentences are awesome. I really prefer to see more of them. It would have been nice if this person wrote a few herself. For all I know, she wants to know how to join the Illuminati, the Ku Klux Klan, the Republican Party, the circus, the AARP, whatever have you.

And that’s all the Ask Black Witch for this month! Remember, submit your entry to Samhain Pickers, winners are picked on Thursday. Winners get a free divination reading from me! Send in an email to thisblackwitch[at]* with “Samhain Pickers” in the subject line with this info in the body of the email:

  • Name:
  • Email:
  • Type of Divination (dream interpretation, tarot, cartomancy, natal chart):

Also! The Black Witch Samhain Ustream chat is on, you guessed it, Samhain/Halloween. It’s going to be at 9 PM EST. Click on this link to access it.

See you Thursday!

*This is to reduce spam mail I get. Goodness, can they crowd an inbox.