It is nearly banana’s how logic bending happens.

Just on absolute random, I saw this picture via my FB feed, it was from the African American Wiccan Society FB group

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That’s not deep, that’s stupid and misogynoir race policing as all get out using internalized racism methodologies. Also known as the Afriboo* calling card because if it ain’t stupid and backwards, they’re not toting it. I only censored the commenter and not the original poster because it the OP that introduced the stupid that is this picture.

We all know that I’m not a fan of these folks and let me break down the picture of why these bullsh*t ideas is not helpful to anyone.

Pseudo-scientific jargon: Before I go on, whenever an Afriboo talks, they sound almost effortlessly like the Booked on Phonics skit from In Living Color, also known as “One of Black Witch’s favorite running skits on the show.” Here’s a vid, surely you’ll see the similarities:

The skit cracks me up because it’s idiocy trying to parade as intelligence – pseudo-intelligence, is the definitive term – which is what this guy is trying to do by saying the “the highest level of Neanderthal gene is related to straight hair, which is in Asia and India”. Here’s why that is a stupid thing to say:

– It’s a nonsense feature: the relation of the Neanderthal to straight hair is most irrational because the Neanderthal, being on the human family tree, had a diversity of hair types. Because evolution.

– Asian folks are diverse: Someone from Cambodia is going to look different from someone on the faaaaaaar western end of China, who is going to look different from someone on the faaaaaar eastern end of China, who is going to look different from someone in Sri Lanka, who is going … you get the picture. Lumping them all together is insulting. And racist. They have different genetic histories. End of story.

– It’s a sneak diss: Possibly fueled by the usual dimwitted idea Afriboos have about Asian folks being held in better regard to White people and therefore should be treated with the same disdain because…we’re not in as high favor to White people comparatively? These folks tend to grade in relation to Whiteness, which upholds the “Whiteness is standard/White opinions have highest value” idea that the Afriboos claim they don’t like to support. But treat them as their main measuring stick anyways. Referencing someone as a Neanderthal is also another way to call someone knuckle-dragging stupid, which is more akin to the OP than the people he’s comparing the poster child of the caveman to (I wonder if he grow that 35″ Ombre out his scalp if that’s the case). It’s like he’s trying to say, “Oh this group of people is beneath us, we must demonize them. For ‘da Bwack womminz folk. Powwa to the Black [male] people.”

All this from that one line alone. The dude goes on to identify that – oh noes – this hair from teh Yellow Peril is in fake hair such as Remi and Yaki (which also can come in non-human hair varieties but I guess he wouldn’t know because he probably would think that knowing secretly would make him gay and then oh noes, gay pplz). And that – le gasp – Black women wear it! Everyone stop the presses! Here’s a really interesting fact about fake hair and history – It’s been worn since the dawn of human kind. It doesn’t take a genius to see a horse or another animal with long hair, lop that off and go “Look at me! So pwetty. I’ma strut and stunt on the other village folk” Both men and women wore hair extensions and wigs since forever and in countless cultures. Besides, this dude didn’t write on what to say about toupees, hair plugs or the slick, black stuff guys use to fill in their hairlines or really make their hair pop. I wonder why? That stuff can’t possibly be organic or be 100% coming from materials that originally stemmed from Africa. I mean, why not be equal opportunity douchin’ on folks? At least I would have given him more leeway with that and just focused on the racist stuff.

I still can’t get over about how racist that line “The highest level of the Neanderthal gene is in …the Asian[,] which would include some [of] [I]ndia.” Brah, go join the Klan. Seriously, be like the blind dude in Chappelle’s skit or don’t complain when White folks say the same about you. They got openings and trying to recruit minorities, just don’t be surprised if they ask you if you’re good at tying ropes on yourself, preferably around the neck area.

Now for the fake magic dude was trying to preach. Seriously, folk magick and stupid people don’t go well together. No one who is even remotely intelligent would say, “If you can take off the Neanderthal hair for sixty days, then we can overturn slavery.”

Lol, wut?

macrocat

First of all, again, Asian folks aren’t Neanderthal, that’s really heartless to say. And again, if you want to spew this, don’t ever whinge or complain for even a second when you catch White folks or any anti-Black minority saying the saaaaaaaaaaaaame thing about you. I am so dead serious. There’s not even a picometer of room to complain because you can’t say jank stuff like this and then get upset when others say jank stuff about you because ‘ey, not like you were being that fair to start with. Secondly, why sixty days? Even if you thought that the hair worked like the one short on The Simpsons where hardened criminal Snake’s hair was turned into a toupee for Homer Simpson, it still wouldn’t make sense. Sixty days for what? The hair follicles aren’t prickling into the scalp and again, why sixty days? That sounds like a number pulled out from the air just to sound remotely (and I mean very remotely) scientific as if this is tried and proven. It’s idiotic. Thirdly, “overturn slavery”? That sounds super dramatic. Dude, enslavement from what? From fake hair? From hyper-Eurocentric standards of beauty? Making girls and women not wear tracks and wigs anymore wouldn’t solve a siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiingle thing. Not one. Their lives won’t get magically better, their existences won’t be all of a sudden validated. Changing a hairstyle won’t change the world. At all. You can have your hair a myriad of ways, still going to be the same person underneath it. Won’t get magically smarter, won’t run magically faster. Nothing. So again, what is being overturned? Also, why just preach to women, why not guys as well about what they should do with their hair. There’s a lot missing on the stance for beard cutting. Like, is it ok or are the ancestors somehow going to get pissed?

There isn’t any slavery that could be fixed abstaining from wearing fake hair can fix. Try starting with inner city school systems, media and jails.

“You can beat the beast wearing beast hair”

Sooooooooooooooooooooo, my natural hair is much akin to being beast-like? What is with Afriboos and always lowkey upholding Whiteness? Beast hair? Might as well just say “gorilla” or something, pretty much there. I don’t really know – or care – exactly for what beast you are referring to in terms of beating but yeah, way to talk down to your own people – Black women in particular because, to mention again, nothing for guys is being mentioned. At all.

“It destroys your power.”

Is this Star Wars or Harry Potter? This makes no sense. Just from wearing fake hair? That’s really stupid. Look, even if the fake hair came from another person, you probably don’t complain about leather clothing, ivory pendants (Afriboos tend to own at least one or have thought about it) or eating meat. Or organ transplants, is dude against that as well? Blood transfusions? Skin grafts? I’m sure if he was in an accident or situation that requires a new kidney, he wouldn’t just go, “No way, I’d lose my power with another person’s organ in me,” or reject a blood transfusion the same way? This logic makes little sense. Hair is dead protein, that’s why it doesn’t hurt to cut it. However, even if someone was suspect of the energy the hair they bought had, there are herbal shampoos and waters they can wash the hair in. Dude, you could dunk the hair in a mixture of Florida water and Rose water to get the best effect. Throw in a few orange oil drops as extra if so. Totally solvable. This is just scare tactics for dummies as well as gender policing of Black women.

“It makes you into a human voodoo doll[,] which is an American invention using associative magic”

So, first we were slagging off Asia and how they’re so evil and controlling everyone with their hair…to Black diasporic folk culture and magick? Woooooooooow, for someone who wants to uplift his people, he sure don’t like his people. Or at least the female sector of it, which is roughly half if not a wee bit over. And more importantly, why rip on voodoo and magic and post this in a facebook group called the African American Wiccan Society?  That’s ridiculously stupid. Not even short sighted, just stupid. Voodoo isn’t even bad in and of itself, it’s characterized as bad in media because it’s African associated annnnnnnd Western movies and media has never really given Black folks or their heritage a positive spin if they can help it. It’s partially why Africa is seen as an all-over poor country when really it’s a diverse continent filled with a multitude of people. Or a Black person can point at something or throw up the peace sign and everyone screams “GANG SIGN”. And why Exodus was casted with White folks but District 9 and Blackhawk Down was happy to throw in as many Black faces as possible (let’s not forget the movie with the Somali pirates, either). Positive depiction: show a White person, negative depiction: show a Black person. So, again, this dimwit is trying to police Black women by upholding White standards – one more time, exactly how does that help Black people? And Voodoo is not just American, it is also Haitian, Columbian, Dominican and more.  And it’s not an invention. It’s folk magick, not a steam engine. Do your research instead of trying to sound scientifically aware. At least he could spell “associative” right, didn’t think he could pull that off. But then again, internet browsers can correct spelling as well.

And fake hair won’t turn you into a freakin poppet by itself. That makes no sense. And besides, what would it control the wearer to do? Kill and murder? Glorify Whiteness? This guy already lowkey does that so no need to have the hair to help. And what about hair that was stolen from someone’s head (because that does happen), what would that make the wearer do? Get a plane ticket and try to get justice on the thieves? And again, this all demonizes magick and Voodoo, whhhhhhhhhhhhy post it on a Facebook group that actively works with magick, some practitioners with actual Voodoo? Why try to use “Oooooooh spoooooOOOooOOoOopy magic, take over your miiiiiIIiIIIiind,” as a way to try to scare women into not wearing fake hair (again, nothing is being said about guys and how they should do their hair. At all.)

“Sixty days. No more slaves”

Are you trying to run for president? I almost wondered if he thought about adding a “Yes, We Can” at the end. Again, sixty days makes no sense and “enslavement” doesn’t come from spooooooky Voodoo/Asian magic. (I really stopped trying to make the connection long ago, how are the Asians doing voodoo to control people again? Like, that’s an African belief, why are folks in Asia – with their own rich history in folk magick, ceremonial magick and all things esoteric – doing voodoo to control unwitting individuals?) Why call Black folks slaves? Nice try going for the emotional angle but everyone tries that angle, how about just saying, “Upholding Whiteness is bad, I mean…look at me. It’s made me sound like an idiot while talking down to half of all the people who share my heritage. Upholding Whiteness turns you stupid, for real. Don’t be like me.” Besides, have you seen how people get human hair from scalp to store? If they could control someone, I’m sure it would be to notify UN officals and Human Rights watchdog groups because skeevy stuff and trafficking. (For UN officals and Human Rights watchdog groups, a footnote**). This is ridiculous.

This guy is just insulting beyond a doubt. Afriboo nonsense like this simply shouldn’t be tolerated. It’s outright respectability policing (as if that’s done anything for Black folks – wearing suits didn’t stop Malcom X or Dr. King from getting murdered for their beliefs) and race policing using internalized racism as guideline. Seriously, how is this supposed to uplift Black people anywhere by just chewing out Black women…and by being racist to other races almost as bad as White people are. Basically, all who are spared from this whinging are basically Black guys who staunchly uphold Western hypermasculinity (y’know, the narrow-sighted, toxic, usually self-destructive kind). The rest of the world apparently has to change evvvvvvvverything about themselves. Starting with the Black women, as if that will fix anything.

Frankly, this guy is a racist, misogynist idiot that only pretends to care for the concerns of women he shares his race with. Maybe focus on real Black women problems such as cat calling, the greatly limited spectrum of emotion Black women are allowed in media and culture to express, the social silence when we’re killed by police or via domestic partners (or in general), the disrespectful framing of Black women in even Black media, the limited resources for Black women (well, Black people in general) who are in need of competent mental health care, Black women who are in Women healthcare deserts – including childcare, abortion services and birth control – and are surrounded with rampant misinformation about their personhood and bodies, which creates cyclical and rampant issues.

Those subjects would be of better use than going, “Wearing fake hair brings down the race. Because oriental people who practice Voodoo. Somehow. Totes scientific.” At least the guy is gone.

*Afriboos: They’re like weaboos but for Africa and Black folks, usually Black themselves, their logic much resembles a dead hamster on a spinning wheel

**If there are any UN officials and Human Rights watchdog groups – firstly, hiiii, I heard there’s a great burger joint in Ferguson, it’s Black owned and everything. A bakery, too. The names slip me but they were featured, I’m sure google can help. Can’t take down structural and institutionalized racism and murderers on an empty stomach. Second, there’s skeevy stuff happening in hair trafficking, please look into it (though I’m sure you’re all aware). Third, you’re welcomed to the Library of Congress for info, Gov Docs is in the basement of the Madison building, Blue core (or look for the big globe, can’t miss it) , new stuff comes daily :3 And pulp bins are across the hall, in case some get mistakenly chucked in, those don’t really get emptied out but once in a while. And visit the Library gift shop in Jefferson! We have Sojourner Truth and Obama finger puppets! And blue, eighth note tea infusers. And book motif infinity scarves that are stylish and super soft.