I have dipped and dabbled in Wicca for the past two years. Then, I fell off the planet for a while due to life changes. I am intending to do a love spell or one that will bring me a long-term relationship. Basically, I’m ready to ask for the One, but am a little conflicted on how to go about this. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

My response:

I’ll touch on this during Ask Black Witch but here’s the short answer to tide you over: love spells like those are waaaay more trouble than they’re worth. Nothing wrong with a “I want a date” spell but “I want a long term relationship” spell is major sticky.

So, just use pink candles and ask for a hot, sexy date–one that I can live with?

I put out two love spells last year, and a wave of guys from my past came back. Mostly unavailable men and I was fearful that i had done something wrong. Mind you, I did not ask for these specific men.

But, appreciate your feedback. 

Yeeeeah, the result you got is usually the result you’ll get. The universe likes to troll. I’ll go more in depth on ABW. I’d put the candles aside ’til then.

i know you wrote you would go more in depth on abw, but do you have any date spell resources?

Newp.

I take that as a no. 

Just for clarification, I am not seeking to mooch like a Salem witch, or trying to get something for nothing here. There isn’t a community of Black witches where I live and often i’m at the mercy of whites who run metaphysical shops in my city. I get mixed messages from them on how to do love spells and with what tools–hence i thought i’d ask you.

Another thing that I thought i’d mention is that the last love spell with a seven day candle that i did–a “magikal” thing happened, or more likely just a coincidence. The very evening it finished burning, I got a text message from this really hot guy i had met a month before that i didn’t think we were really compatible. Needless to say, I never heard from him again and my wicked Quija board (that i have since grown out of and tossed) kept spelling that I should marry him. Sometimes things get a bit wacky.

Anyhoo, I look forward to hanging out at your blog more if you don’t mind that.

Thank you.

– Keisha M

Alright then, here’s the short part: love spells are a loooooooooot more trouble than it is worth.

Lot more.

Liiiiiiiiike, there are exponentially more things that could go wrong than right.

Because the universe likes to troll people.

Exhibit A to ∞

Pictured: Exhibit A to ∞

I guess it’s because humans think quite highly of themselves and it’s the universe’s way of saying “Lolz, nah. Lemme show you how.”

Either way, you ask the universe for a long term relationship, it may plink a chinchilla with an anxiety disorder right in your lap because, there ya go, long term relationship. It’s cute, it’s fluffy, it has abandonment issues like a jack-in-the-box loaded with fireworks and can be clingy. And a long life expectancy, bonus! Give it a twitter account and it’s practically a person!

You could literally tell the universe, “No chinchilla with baggage, human male. Human male for me to have a loving, long term relationship with. No tricks, no gags. Just someone who suits me fine.”

The universe could send you this dude…and they’ll be on the other side of the earth. Everything you ever wanted, just very faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away.

If you’re feeling conflicted, it’s probably the universe hitting you with a clue-by-four going “It’s probably feeling a little like a bad idea because it is.” And they’re right. I can tell you from experience, you’re really gonna be spending the majority of your time keeping Kleenex’s finance stocks good and buoyant rather than be with the guy of your dreams. (If you go “yeah, that won’t happen to me”, there’s a lot of stories of where love spells, prayers and rituals go from “well-intentioned” to “Pearl Harbor”). Nothing is wrong with a small spell using a pink candle and rose oil to get a date but doing extensive, full-on spells for a long term relationship? That could easily blow up in your face royally.

How could this go passionately wrong? Let’s break down the ways:

Your life will always be in change
The person you are now is not going to be the person you will be a month from now, or a year. To ask for a person to be by your side in the here and now doesn’t mean that the person brilliant for you now will be just the right type for you in six months. (Lordt, I sound like a parent.) Using magick to bring someone to you so acutely is going to have flaws that you couldn’t imagine. You want someone who will grow with you, not someone who will be for the “now” you.

You’ll get what you’ll ask for, just not what you want
You already said you’ve tried your hand at love spells and gotten a lot of duds. Yeeeeeeeap. Sounds about right. Actually, the story you mentioned, it would usually have a “stalker” part so if you didn’t get that kind of guy, hooray because stalkers are scary. Remember, universe likes to troll. Or you do meet the One and he’s already unhappily married with kids and a dog. (Also, for the love of the gods, do not be an adultress. The universe may troll but if you play sidechick, you’re just trolling yourself.)

You’re gonna be biased and miss the shot
Say the universe goes, “Ok, here, no strings. This dude is yours.” But you somehow miss on this because either he’s not what you consider attractive or interesting. The dude is very much the kind of person you need but, honestly, you have no reason in your head why you’re staring at this guy. Your own biases could get in the way.

Control
Kinda bringing “the One” to you because you want it is a bit one-sided, don’t you think? I mean, you may be ready but what about the dude? Maybe you have it together but what if this guy still is attempting to get at least 1/34th of his sh*t together? The dude is a heck of a catch, just got his life everywhere in a way that could be off-putting. Even if you think “Oh that won’t matter, we all have our problems”, you should be reminded that when you finally meet “the One”, he’s not going to have a neon sign blinking over his head saying, “This One, Stupid.” Maaaaaaaaaan, would life be easy if that were the case. But it’s not. So instead, you wouldn’t really have a way of knowing that you just met the One, versus meeting Just Another Frog.

I’m sure the dude you’re supposed to be with is just as eager to meet you as you are him. However, the best way to do it, right now, is to keep working on yourself, keep putting yourself out there and getting to know yourself more so you can figure out what kind of guy would really suit you. Feel free to do spells to get nice dates but remember, it takes more than magick to find love.

 

Tips for newbies? Blog is lovely btw.
– Hoodblipster

Read academic books as well as metaphysics books. Don’t buy every little thing in sight…also, you’re going to buy every little thing in sight, even if you didn’t need it.

Stay away from dimestore books and if you can’t, just distance yourself from the rhetoric. Like, you’re gonna hear nonsense about Illuminati, Egypt, and a loooot of bad, junk science. Try not to buy into that. If it seems to rag on one group of people, such as Jews or Black folks, then it’s probably best to avoid.

Speaking of science: metaphysics and science does not always get along. However, as you look up metaphyics, science is very useful but don’t take every little thing science thinks as automatic law. Seriously, remember that most of science has a looooot of biases (*koff*look at their hiring by race and gender*koff*) so be sure to be mindful. Just be open minded.

Basically, read up on your history, your science and try to keep up with your BoS or DoS as you learn.

Also, doing magick is going to take work. Keep up on meditation and energy manipulation.