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It’s officially time for Ask Black Witch! Readers send me questions and I answer them. Good questions are appreciated, bad questions are eviscerated. Let’s start.

Can you turn me into a werewolf like a shape shifter
– Shannancope

Any regular reader knows that this is what I consider a bad question and why:

A ) I don’t do pay for pray (paid spellwork)
B ) I’m a witch, not a genie
C ) I’m not a spellwork vending machine and find anyone who treats me like that, despite the fact I constantly express the two previous points, very annoying and idiotic.

Is it possible to do a spell to turn back time, and redo your decisions?
– Loma

Short answer: not really.

Long answer: In spellwork, magick and the occult, all things are very possible. Thing is, they require a metric f*ckton of skill, usually in high magick, not easy dealings for noobs and especially not for dabblers. Also, the Fates get begged alllllllll the time, this is definitely not for noobs.

Here’s the kit and kaboodle about going back and making decisions: they ripple into other decisions in ways the human mind (and definitely not the human heart, which is what drives the “Gotta go back, I totally f*cked that one up” feeling) can definitely not comprehend. The decision the person made could have been a bad choice on its face but who knows what the effect could branch out to be? Yes, divination can tell you quite a bit but no diviner on this planet is going to go over every minute detail. Also, what if the other choice would have created a bigger mess? And this is the choice that you know of, not of the smaller choices that you may not be aware of that could also affect this choice. Then there are situations where you’re simply going to be screwed one way or another, you’re just going to get the rusty, jagged dildo instead of the spiky one coated in salt instead because there is literally no “good option”. Decisions are tough, that’s fact. Even with magick, they don’t get easier.

I am also tempted to post the “If I Could Turn Back the Hands of Time” song but that was made by R. Kelly so I’ll be sparing.

am I pregnant
– Elizabeth S.

My response to this obscenely short question was “Have you tried taking a pregnancy test?” Because, pregnancy tests do exist and are even available in dollar stores. You can even buy a slew of them and test yourself weekly, twice a day.

Her response:

I have talked to a south Africa psychic and she told me I was pregnant [but] I have black magic on me that’s why I am asking

Breh.

This literally tells me nothing. I think the part that blows me away is that usually I get people who do not interact with anyone from the occult always mentioning that they are cursed somehow by someone else. The chances of being actually cursed by an actual witch is very slim nowadays. If you’re visiting a psychic, you’re in this group. Besides, I have no idea what the “black magick” is or anything, not so much as an example. Also, while it’s nice she’s talking to a diviner, a doctor is better. I’m a witch and a womanist and I say: go to a doctor. Doctors definitely can tell you if you’re pregnant or not.

So can time. Thing is, pregnancy is a binary state – either you are or you aren’t. And that state will be defined certainly by at least the third month. So there’s waiting, or taking a bunch of pregnancy tests while you wait.