I wanna start this time with a sorta seasonal-style rhyme, just because:

T’was two nights after Christmas and all through the ice rink, I was skating and twirling – not too bad, but I could be way better, I think
Ice skates returned with their blades a-clatter, I checked my phone for new updates and pondered of ice cream in the flavor of cake batter
Upon the screen, as I could tell, was another random person asking for wishes to be granted, some kind of spell
They promise to pay – honestly, I thought to myself, it is always the same
I sigh and send a swift reply: I don’t do paid spellwork, can’t you read? I’m a witch not a genie. You big dummy.
But the pest didn’t like the result:
“I would not talk to me like that because I can kill you really fast so watch out who you insult”

But lo, I didn’t pout, I didn’t cry –
I simply took screenshots and contacted both his job and the FBI

Not my best poem evaaaaaar but felt suiting for the holidays

Yep, I got what can offically count as a death threat because some dude wanted to be a douche. Lolz.

Here are the screenshots

 

Everyone, I am remarkably clear about being asked for paid spellwork/pay-for-pray: I don’t do it, do not like being asked about it and will razz anyone who attempt to do so anyways. Hey, I like to line my boundries with electrified barbed wire, reduces the overall payload.

This dude is no different. Asking for three wishes? Is this Aladdin? 1001 Arabian Night? Dude, I don’t grant wishes but for this kind of behavior, I will grant miseries.

I looked into seeing who this dude is and here is the kicker:

“I am a very nice person”

Really? Really? Because nice people don’t say “I can kill you really fast so watch out who you insult.” Not-so-nice people, yes. Actual nice people, no.

This is most likely the first time I’ve gotten any semblance of a death threat – and this blog has been here for nearly 10 years. I didn’t feel scared, I actually chuckled at the absurdity of it all and just prepped this post, found his job to send them screenshots (we had a lovely phone conversation) and then buzzed the fuzz since the person is in another state, thus FBI jurisdiction, not local police.

The dude is all the way in South Dakota – roughly half of America away from me – and works a blue collar job, I am not crawling the walls in trepidation but I do want to make clear this behavior is not cool. At all. It is annoying, at minimum. At max, it is an actual threat, even if said in anger and not seriousness. I mean, if he was just futzing about, it’s on him now to convince his job and the feds that.

And this is what I end the year with. Time to play the popular Baltimore Club mix most suiting for this moment