Black Witch

I’ve been gone for a while and that means I got messages while I was away. Which is a bit derpy because I said I wouldn’t be answering any while I was gone. The ones sent in around end of July weren’t of bad timing, the ones of earlier July were and not even that smart of a question to start with. So that means I can be as careless with those letters as they were with their consideration.

Hello, I have a question, and maybe I could be wrong but I have no idea at this point. So I was intimate with this woman who said she was a witch. She came over my house and since then a few strange things have happened. My coconut tree folded in half and died, my banana tree died, the strangest is my dog will not stay outside. I usually let her out in the morning and when I get home from work and after work she’ll stay outside for 2-4 hours at a time. Now she will not stay outside any longer than 5 min if that. She’ll paw at the door till I let her in. I was also sick for 2 weeks after being intimate, which doesn’t usually happen for me. Is there any way she cast a spell, or placed something around my house that would cause this. Is there any way I can cleanse myself or my house? If you have any idea’s or suggestions they would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

– Chris C.

Without additional information, this can easily falls into “bad question” category. The reason being is because just because you were intimate with someone who said they were a witch, it doesn’t promise that everything around you will suffer and die. That doesn’t make the slightest sense. I asked for more info but since this question was asked so early, I am certain there’s going to be no response.

If the chick had a nice time with you, I doubt she could be the problem unless she’s vindictive (and if so, why did you get with her? Should have seen this coming) so I’m going to assume she isn’t. If the relationship/interaction went sour, it would make sense. Otherwise, it could be a lawn problem that your dog picked up on but you haven’t. Which should have been the first thing you thought (assuming it was a good interaction or you would have said something), not the last. How about instead of bugging me, bug the people at a home & garden store?

I was wandering can u help me or show me a way on how to become a werewolf?Can u please give me some information.I really want to be one.

– Redi B.

This was so ridiculous, I didn’t bother to clean up the letter. Wandering/Wondering? Why can’t people write better? I mean, everyone makes typos, even me, but it’s no excuse for carelessness in writing to others. They may not take what you say seriously…like now.

I don’t think a poorly read werewolf is what the world need so I would recommend simply reading books that are actually above the literature level of Twilight and go from there. Especially since most metaphysical information isn’t built for lower reading levels. Ok…all metaphysical info isn’t built for lower reading levels.

I’m assuming that this is as confidential as website submission can be?-over the internet right?

I’ve been practicing years upon years-more of eclectic witchcraft. I am a wonderful person with Great sense of integrity, morale’ and ethics… I LOVE helping others in anyway that I can. I hope that you’ll read this with non judgement having said that at least.

I need suggestions for magickal work to balance my life back out- desperately-

Past 3 years of my life everything has continuously went downhill

A man I love walked out on my daughter and I after off and on of 5 year relationship-so I pretty much GAVE UP on being happy in that sense and within a year married a not so great person-at all with a complete lack of personal integrity and seemingly no conscious whatsoever, who continuously tries to DELIBERATELY prevent any productivity I try to create. Including my spiritual practices

Lost my vehicle
Out in the middle of nowhere
Not employed

The child support that I pay for my son from another relationship is an issue. Example- my “husband” said that he was paying it all along this year. Then a month ago I got served-just went to court today.

The father of my son continuously tries to make things difficult for me. (I lost custody of him, because his wife had a lot of money that helped it court. The judge said that they could provide more for him because of their financial status ect)-NOT because IM A BAD mother-BC IM NOT-AT ALL! I feel like I have to explain all of this so you’ll understand I’m doing EVERYTHING I can, and its one road block after another and its GOT TO STOP because my optimism tank is at 1%

Example about sons father- I have always been steadily employed-when I got fired he did everything he could to make seeing my son more difficult- I had to do all of the transportation 100%, he harassed our son about his visits, what he ate, hygiene, visitors everything and if anything was forgotten(such as a belt) I had to travel back to my home over 100 miles one way to get it, or he would ensure another court visit. I wound up losing my job from the time off….

Last December i got 3 cervical disk herniations –won’t go there, but I’ve still been applying for jobs and doing AT HOME SELF PHYSICAL THERAPY THANKS TO YOUTUBE!! and I can now move and walk without looking cripple(and a little magick healing) I applied for over 43 jobs within the last 3 weeks, and that was scoffed at by him today

I’m working on creating a website, applying for jobs and doing everything I can to stay positive, hopeful and Im running low

I just do not know where to begin now that ive made the first step of the day1 full moon”divorce” ceremony I completed successfully…………..

I need things to get better, and it’s obvious that it needs to go this route……the spiritual route…..

I know that with the right rituals I can rebalance everything and things will improve but im having a hard time staying grounded enough to focus all of the ideas I have. Being as it’s a waning moon, I think it’s imperative for me to start when I can but I want to FEEL that the steps I take are the best ones, so I thought that I would ask for suggestions, since I have a high lack in socialization because of living in “the woods” and lack of knowledgeable witchy friends 🙂 Shelters are not an option, nor family and friends for various reasons………

We are not in any “imminent physical dangers”- for me its emotional and mental challenges more to say than abuse- it openly pisses me off, and i silently am discouraged. Please respond as soon as you are able and thank you for your time in reading this rather long feedback 

– Frustrated and Confused

For skimming readers, the TR;DR:

“How do I bring balance back into my life after everything has gone so down hill? Jobless, nearly hopeless, I need balance again.”

The reader sounds like she’s been through a lot. I suggest the reader do meditation, especially grounding, centering and healing mediations. A good suggestion would be to visualize a scale that has heaps of sand on both sides and excess sand falling off until they balance out. That and to try to have a balanced diet (Allrecipes can help) or at least drink a lot of water to keep the effects of stress low. In addition, I made an employment guide on my site with resume builders, how to’s on doing well at an interview and more for various fields. There’s not an overnight solution, especially since this isn’t an overnight problem, sadly. There’s a lot of hard work in getting life back on track and in balance.

Greetings. I would like to know what state you are in? Where’s home? And if you have a picture available for viewing? I can provide a pic as well. Thank you for your attention.

– Raphael Uriel (you know this is a fake name)

This was while I was on break. I honestly thought, “If someone was planning a break-in, they really must be the dumbest criminal ever to just up-right and ask, where do you live?” And why would a pic be needed? What kind of question is that?

My response:

Why all these questions? Sounds waaaaay creepy, dude. Why are you so creepy?

– Black W.

These are indeed creep-level questions to ask a stranger on the internet. At random. I doubt many would go, “Oh, these are totally acceptable questions geared towards me. I usually talk about race, gender, mental illness, identity and metaphysics and other layman topics, questions like these are super normal.”

Dude’s response:

I do understand. Thank you for your time. Just showing interest. I know first hand that trusting people on the internet is not practical. Sorry it came off creepy.  Im obviously not doing this right. Forgive me if i have disturbed your peace in any way. 
Raphael

Ok, I hate guys who do this. Seriously. You come to my blog – which is not a dating blog by the way, or an OkCupid profile – where I talk topics that would certainly make anyone (or so I thought) not confuse it for a dating site, you ask questions that a weirdo burglar would ask (like, how do you just up and ask people “Where do you live? Can I see a picture?” and expect a positive response? Outside of dating sims, how many people have this worked on?) and then give a response like this?

A smart guy (not one stupidly borrowing the namesake of the archangel of wisdom and information) would have probably done what even Dr. Nerdlove recently suggested would have just been a regular reader and just have a regular conversation with me. There’s not really a chance in Hades I would date a reader (Exhibit A of dating fans: Chester Bennington and his ex-wife Samantha, that was painful) and even less so one with zip, zero, zilch tact and social calibration. This site is a regular blog, not meant to catch flies. That minimizes my work. By a lot. Which is insulting because I’m pretty sure guy bloggers don’t get stuff like this an as often.

And if this moron knew trusting people up front on the internet isn’t practical, why did he still ask? Talk about empty-headed! What girl would want a guy like this? The kind of guy that practically needs a helmet, to be spun in bubble wrap and bugged with a gps so they won’t get lost walking through their own house. That’s not boyfriend material, it’s not even charity, it’s a waste of time on worthless space.

No, this guy is obviously not doing this right. And for dude readers going, “Then you should teach him, not chastise him.” Uhhhhh, I mention Dr. Nerdlove all the time now on my site, I seriously may add the dude to the Links of Interest. That means there’s already an expert on the field, it’s not my job to teach the dude how to interact with people, which he should have gotten the basics when he was growing up. Dr. Nerdlove does a great job, this dude should have read him instead of going up like the Hindenburg. Even if I would have turned the dude down, I wouldn’t be this harsh because, remember, tact can be the difference between having drinks with a girl and wearing a drink from a girl.

My response:
Waaaaait. Showing interest? So you go on a site that has nothing to do with dating, at all – the post I wrote previously before the vacation one was about race & gender, not dating –  and mistake it for an okcupid profile because you somehow didn’t know that site existed, then ask creepy questions like “where do you live? Can I see your picture?” as if those are ok questions to ask random people on the internet (something tells me you seriously don’t ask guys these questions right off the bat but try it, I strongly recommend. I’m sure you’ll make many dude friends that way). Y’know, I’ll just post this on my site to make fun of because maybe you should just stick to dedicated dating sites than make yourself sound like an idiot. Why did you think this was a good idea? Swimming in bleach would have been smarter.

– Black W.

Basically this. What moron would think there was a good idea in the initial interaction? May work astoundingly well in dating sims where the girl is literally programmed to have no viable choices. Sucks obscenely bad when you’re dealing with the real world. I know chatting people up is hard but why make it harder for yourself by being such a dunce? I remember a cop friend of mine said “The best pick up line I ever had: ‘Hello, how are you?’” Simplicity and social calibration goes a long way. Way longer than this dude, who crashed before leaving the shipyard. (Granted, folks, please don’t email me with just “Hello, how are you?” Even Cleverbot says more words. Especially to chat me up, then just don’t email me at all.) I already don’t like guys who approach me, I strongly dislike guys who confuse my website for a dating profile. Because they’re already saying, “I don’t take your intellect seriously, especially since I’m not going to bother to match it. At all.” That’s the disrespectful part. It would be different if the guy actually talked and attempted to have a conversation in opposed to saying basically nothing of relevance. At all.

I think the best way a guy has ever shown interest in me was simply talk to me like a normal person. Seriously. This is not like a normal person. If so, how would this dude fair in normal communications in school and getting (and keeping) a job? Not to mention going to the market. This isn’t a dating sim. And I keep making that comparison a lot because it’s true. It really isn’t. I’m giving this dude a hard time because he’s not the first nor the last to act this way and it never gets any less insulting.

All i can do is oppalogize.  As my father says im just a child in this world. Do as you must. Again sorry.

The best way this dude can truly apologize is never act like this to anyone else ever again. Seriously, don’t talk to girls like this manner is acceptable. Talk to them like they’re people, because they are. I’m sure his dad would be right to say that but A) the dude wasn’t born yesterday and B) that doesn’t mean you should act with such little tact, I’m sure his father would agree. How else would this guy be able to have and keep a job or do well in school if going the “I’m a child of this world” route for an excuse, which is what it is. What if his boss was a woman, is this dude just gonna just lose all professionalism and go “Where do you live? Can I see pictures of you?” What if this dude had a female study partner, would dude just go “Where do you live? Can I see pictures of you?” It’s minimizing. There’s other ways to show interest (including figuring out if they want interest shown to them, period) that isn’t the “let me just treat them like they’re pixelated” route. That’s why I’m not going “Awww, this poor dude was trying, lemme be soft.” Nah, there isn’t any trying at all.

Here is this month’s Ask Black Witch, let’s get into it. Actually, before we do, thank you everyone who managed to donate. My mom is back inside her home and we’re resolving her rent situation so to avoid this for the future.

Hi [Black Witch]!

My name is Vermail, and my question is more like a comment rather than a question. I really hope that my proclamation is more of a breath of fresh air rather than a gasp of overwhelmingly strange questions and requests for you. I am from Chicago, but emigrated to northwest Indiana. You see, I am a natural “brown” witch. I am African-American, I am just getting away from the term of “Black” to be described. Yes being called “Black” is a heck of a lot better than being called all the other demeaning terms we have been called over time, I just feel that we should be called who we are. Which is American plain and simple. Since my skin is brown, I just prefer the term “brown” to describe me. Because you see, even the “Blackest” person is brown. But I embrace my “blackness” spells and all! Anyhoo, ever since I was little, I’ve felt special. I’ve heard this voice inside my head telling me that there is something different about me. I didn’t fit in with any of the other brown girls growing up, my tastes were different. As a child, I could rationalize and analyze as an adult. I always had this feeling that I was wise among my years, but I just chalked it up to a gifted mind, no big deal. But as I grew older I noticed that situations and events would wind up in my favor. Even though I came from an extremely poor family, I was blessed with the things that I needed. It wasn’t until I hit my older 20s that I could hear voices. But not just any voices, it was the dead, people in my life that crossed over. I thought I was going crazy! I figured my college antics were finally catching up with me. I did struggle with depression growing up as a result of a hard childhood. We have alot in common. Hopefully we can have a shared dialog sometime. Well, it wasn’t until 2011 when I began to notice energies in the enviornment. I would feel a tightness in my chest along with a strange voice in my head telling me small phrases. Like one liners. Seems like it takes alot of energy for the crossed over to communicate with the living. As I type this it still seems strange to me.  There is so much I want to type, but this is all still new to me. So lets fast-forward to 2013. I was 32 yrs old and this was the time that I could really feel my craft blossom. I realized that I could use intention to help things in my life go better. I felt charmed and blessed. I’ve always been a positive person and I felt like that helped. That saying the glass is always half-full has always helped me. As long as I stayed positive, positive things happened. Even in bad situations. I mean I’ve had my share of hard times, but I’ve beem blessed to get through it. Fast forwarding to 2014, I was accepted into nursing school. Needless to say its been the most difficult endeavor I’ve ever done. During a stressful time during finals, I dreamed about crystals. It was like they were calling me. I checked out this website called WitchVox and found the nearest Witch shop. I met this really nice Caucasian lady named Renee who helped me answer alot of questions about magick. I kinda came prepared for the stones to pick me, and she was intrigued. Especially since I was the only Black girl to come in with a plan. The only other girl that was brown came in, looked around and left right back out. Renee told me she had the shop protected and only people with specific intentions stayed. We talked for a while, I picked my stones and left. I was excited that I finally found someone to relate to. But the problem was that every blog site and every opinion was by a white person. I’m not a racist person (heck, theres white in my blood) but I couldn’t find a brown girl to relate to. Someone who shared the same struggles as I did. So earlier this year I took a chance and googled “Black Witch”. I was scared I’d find all kind of links to devil worshippers, black magick and Satan followers. But alas, you were the 1st link on the list! I was so happy to find a Brown Witch who knows the craft better than I.  Not that I ever considered myself a specialist. But people ask some really crazy crap.  So I hide my talent, only my husband, mom, a trusted friend and mom-in-law knows. I just dont like being in the magick spotlight. Well to make an incredibly long story short, I am so glad I found you, and congrats for blogging about your craft for over 5 years. I hope that one day I can be as brave as you to put myself out there to help other know that being magickal is not being crazy. Hoorah and thank you. I’m sure well talk more soon!

– Vermail

To start with, everyone: I rather folks just call me Black Witch on here. Mainly for the same reason people don’t call Deadmau5 “Joel” or Jay-Z “Shawn”, even though that is their real first names. Also, everyone, I don’t like being distanced from Blackness, directly or indirectly. I’m not Brown (except in skin hue), I’m Black, plain and simple. And so is the person writing in, they’re Black. It’s internalized anti-Blackness exercised. I’m not mixed, I’m not brown, I’m not non-identified PoC, I’m Black. I don’t have a problem with being Black, it’s best others don’t either because whether any of them knows it or not, it’s anti-Blackness when you’re trying to distance yourself from it, especially for no good reason. And usually it’s Black folks writing in who are the bigger offenders.

Also, I’m Black American. Not simply American. Because America didn’t really find my Blackness very American (despite building the super-power nation) for a very long time, well after July 4, 1776. And still has problems noticing that I am also American and not simply because I pay my taxes to a country that craps a brick over anything that attempts to reflect my visage. And still gotta have a major debate on the freaking rebel flag/Confederate flag. I’m a Marylander and I know that’s a crock of bullsh*t. So, yeah, I’m American, but I’m not going to ignore my American history because being Black in America is a much different experience than being what is usually thought of when folks say “American”, which is a White American. Being colorblind is just White-washing on the sneak. If it was an international person writing in, “American” is just fine because I don’t expect folks overseas to full understand the race debacle here and when dealing with different nations, it’s ok to be identified by nationality (plus it helps to remind the world America fibs when they paint Americans as all White in nearly all overseas depictions) but with folks in the same nation as me? I’m “Black American” because… dislike of hereditary erasure.

This is a lot to read for everyone (as well as the second email sent) and I didn’t bother to break things up into paragraphs, so the TL;DR: “How do I manage dealing with spirits and getting better with my practice?” The best book for intermediate practice would possibly best be Intution Magick by Linda Keen and The Magickal Life by Vivianne Crowley (not related to Aleister Crowley, I believe). That and with any energy manipulation, learn meditation with a focus on energy manipulation. If new to meditation, the best app I would recommend is Intellicare’s Purple Chill, which has deep breathing, visualization and other exercises that are immensely effective and well taught.

Hey my question is about speaking with your inner self/selves. I’ve been looking for a while now to try and find a way to see into my inner most parts or at least be able to speak to myself. Do you know of a way to do that? Is it unwise to try? Thank you for taking time out of your day to read this

– Brandon C.

I was a bit confused at first because since I did post “Too Many Minds to Mind” recently, so I asked for clarification.

Is this a question for metaphysics or dissociative disorder? You will have to clairify.

Metaphysics possibly the ladder maybe you can discern: I can’t align my spirit. I can’t agree on one thing and I can’t feel at peace with decisions. One of the other (Inner or outer self) feels like it’s rebelling. That or it’s wounded. I wanted to know if there was a way I could commune or self search safely. Or a way to see inside?

Sounds like a potential dissociative thing but I’m not a therapist and notice I said “potential”, not “actual”. That and I just couldn’t let the “latter/ladder” thing slide, ah alors.

You mean ‘latter’, I think. The main part of any dissociative disorder is amnesia. If you can’t recall whole swaths of memory, that could be dissociative but it is best to get a screening because of how dissociative works. That is also not exactly the same with feeling at odd with your inner and outer self. If you still think it is dissociative, talk to a counselor to get a screening or look at the links I had on my post about Dissociative to best discern what it actually could be.

Apparently, that wasn’t what the dude wanted to hear.

Pretty sure it’s not. And I’m not trying to ask you to do something for me except tell me a simple way to see inside of myself. I appreciate you trying to help in a non witch way. And I don’t know weather you’re saying you can’t or won’t but I really just needed the tip on how to: commune again, safely with one’s self. And If anything what I’m exhibiting could be BPD1 or schizophrenia But again thanks for taking time out of your day to help me. 

I think when people write to a witch, they’re forever expecting spells or something that remotely seems “magickal” but A) if it’s a regular problem, you’re going to get a regular solution B) This is why I asked if it is a metaphysics question or a dissociative question and he said it was a dissociative question, which is the latter option. Going at a psychological illness with metaphysics just simply is a bad idea, hence why I suggested the dude get a screening if that’s what he thought he had so he could get a definite answer from a professional source and be able to successfully move forward. It’s a “non-witch” solution but the best one to suggest for anyone who thinks they have any psychological issues. If the dude said it was the former, a metaphysics question, then I would have said something entirely different since there are many schools of thought in metaphysics of alternate selves because they don’t come from trauma. Basically, I gave a solution: If you think you have alternate personalities/selves, get a screening to make sure. And I try to clarify this.

That’s why I suggested a counselor (or therapist), they can best help because if it something like an alternate personality, they’re there for a reason, thus not easy to commune with because they stem from trauma.

Hey, I have a therapist. I’m not trying to low key call the dude crazy for thinking he has an inner and outer self, I’m simply trying to suggest the best option for him if he thinks it is a disorder. Because that’s what he said the question was about. What did he expect? That I would give a meditation or something so you can get in touch with a side of you that was formed from trauma? You’ll unlock memories and experiences but if you’re not ready to deal with the deluge of whatever comes out of Pandora’s Box, it would be a bad – even dangerous – idea. Part of this is speaking from experience. If the dude wanted to ask a metaphysics version, he should have.

Mkay girl. Stay blessed 

I’m turning 28 next week as of this post. When friends say “girl”, that’s fine. However, from strangers, it’s odd, especially guys. Basically: I’m nearly 30, I dislike the term “girl” in this context.

Not a girl, dude, I’m nearly 30.

Oh this isn’t the same black with from Afro-punk? I feel bamboozled

Firstly, there’s a Malcom X joke that can come from here somewhere. Annnnnn while I was writing on Afro-Punk when I was 23…five years have passed. I got older. Still wasn’t a girl then but still, c’mon.

I am, that’s where Black Witch started

Pretty simple, yeah?

That was a woman are you telling me now that this is admin based?

That makes next to no sense. But I tried.

Nope, Black Witch is still ran and maintained by one person. I simply don’t take kindly to being called a “girl” since I’m not one.

And out comes the deluge of emo:

Okay, gurl you’re like the least helpful witch I’ve happened upon. Girl wasn’t meant to type fast you is girl as in hey girl bye girl okay girl. I usually spell it with a u. Now that’s the second time you’ve tried to correct me it how I address you. Learn of your own culture and AAVE especially in the lgbt community. 

But you’ve answered more questions than I cared to ask at this point. 

Have a great day and please don’t respond to this. 

Ok, I have no idea why the sudden PMSing. Not doling out spells doesn’t make me “least helpful”, not everything needs magick to solve regular problems. It’s almost like asking me to craft a potion to remove a stain from your shirt and getting into a fit when I suggest “Try laundry detergent”. Everyone, yes, I’m a witch but I’m a person, too. And how was I supposed to know that he’s LGBT with zip, zero, zilch signifiers? Without any other colloquial identifiers (slang, basically), how the heck am I supposed to know? Remember, on the internet, no one knows who you are. This is why the saying “The Internet:Men are Men, Women are Men and Children are the FBI” still rotates around. This says nothing of the bunches of times the dude says “girl” in emo frenzy.

My response (because I can be a douche after putting up with this chicanery):

Sensitive, huh? And I can’t tell if you’re LGBT via just asking about inner and outer selves, brah. It ain’t a lack of knowledge when you go the Poe’s Law route by you barely us[ing] any slang and made a typo in addition. Besides, you asked a question, I gave an answer, what did you expect?

I have to learn Black slang? Dude, at least use Black slang right if you want me to understand it. It’s like asking me if I know Japanese and then getting upset I that I couldn’t tell you knew any either since you just only used the words “karaoke” and “sushi” in an all-English sentence. Why can’t I get smarter readers to write in? Certainly you guys got to have questions to ask me.

Tech problems! This time, the computer decided to act odd and I had to use my bevvy of programs to eradicate the problem.

Basically, I was spending the past few days looking like this:

Whyyyyyyy? How did this happen?

That basically means no ABW this month because I have to put all my brainpower in making sure my computer doesn’t go kaput. It won’t, it just wants to for some mysterious reason.

Instead, here is this cute French cat video! “Le Tableau” (For non-Francophones: There are hardcoded English subtitles)

So I didn’t get any questions this month (you guys do know that you can send in questions at any given time, right?) so that gives me free space to do whateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever I want.

Whateeeeeever I want

I think I’ll start with P.O.S. “Weird Friends”, I like the song.

And here are two young schoolgirl traceuse playing Ninja. Parkour is always a great thing.

And as for sending messages, please send something more than just “Help me” or “I need your help.” This isn’t a sitcom or a tv drama, it’s real life. You actually do have to tell me something in regards to your problem. I’m not going to divine and guess what is going on. I don’t care enough for random people problems, especially unspoken ones.

Also, I spotted this on Tumblr, this sums up why I never do spellwork for others.

This is something every witch, high magician, occultist, etc goes through. And this is why I tell people not to dabble.

Next month will be the BW yearly series! This time, we’re focusing on technology! This new series will be called “Byte It/Cut It/Save It/Technologic”. That means there will be guest writers and normal posting will resume in April.

Here is Ask Black Witch, let’s get to it.

Can masturbation and sex negatively affect, slow down or stop spell work in anyway?

– Dan

Wat?

Now, I’m pretty progressive but still, this is a pretty sex-neg question. It doesn’t make sense how sexual expression of any sort (short of rape and sexual assault – remember: expressed, clear, enthusiastic consent is important and street harassment is rapey) would bother magick or spellwork. Sex is natural, that’s pretty much it. Why, even sex magick exists, that really makes this question extra odd. This question is an example in internalized sex-negativity, that’s pretty much it. That’s going to impede spell work especially. That and your social life. If you’re that worried, abstain from everything and even try to work with vestigial/virginal deities. And work on your take of sex and sexuality.

Hello my name is Jude and I want to know why I can’t succeed in casting a spell

– Jude W.

This is a broaaaaaaaaaad question. I responded:

There’s a range of reasons, I’ll go over them for Ask Black Witch on Fri.

The immediate response?

Well can u help me be able to

Really? Did you not just read what I wrote?

Whyyyyyyyyyy do people not read? That’s probably first issue in spell casting. Reading is fundamental.

There is a wide reason why spells don’t work. There’s poor material use (If you’re casting a money spell but use nothing but black items. Black is great for making things disappear or obstacles appear, two things people who want money don’t exactly desire). There’s petitioning to the wrong deities/entities (such as petitioning to Bast when casting a relationship attaining spells, who is a fertility goddess but not a love deity). There’s also not researching the spell properties (this is mainly for high and ceremonial magick. You can’t just slap down a random sigil and you don’t know how it works. That’s just asking for trouble). There’s also not doing enough for energy manipulation practice (such as meditation and visualization). Or you tackled a big spell that’s way too big (like summoning entities such as gods or demigods). Your mindset during the spellworking (were you angry (and not casting a revenge or karmic spell) or just over emotional in a way you just couldn’t get your head together?) Poor correspondences (you casted a success spell in the dead of night when noon would have been better, and on a waning moon at that). You didn’t cast a good enough circle (It happens and some witches (better trained ones) don’t even cast circles). Or…you’re just new.

Spell working is a skill, like any other skill. It takes time and practice. You’re not going to be perfect 100% of the time but you should get better results over time. This is why it’s widely suggested to have a Book of Shadows (or it’s electronic counterpart, Disk of Shadows) so you can track your experiences and spellsworking. Also, cast spells for smaller things like making charms and basic amulets or things such as additional luck or prosperity. You could write wishes on bay leaves and burn them, done. Just practice the basics, build a little each and every time, don’t bite off more than you can chew and you should do fine.

And that’s Ask Black Witch for this month. And I like these new little avatars I made from an adorable app. Now I can make great response images!

Huzzah. Now my snark will improve +5

It’s this week’s Ask Black Witch! It’s also the last post of the year. The ending of the year wasn’t too fun for me, since I’m housed away in Virginia as of this writing and with a dead tablet because of a trigger that made me leave home (PTSD is no fun, kids). The tablet is dead because I couldn’t bring the super finicky charger. Oh wellz.

Onwards to the questions!

Hi!

I’ve read a few of your posts referring to some books/information about paganism/non abrahamic religions as “too new age-y,” and wanted your opinion about a particular book called “What is Lightbody?” So far, I have only found 3 other books that even refer to the concept of “light work,” so I would like to take it as a reliable source in my own spiritual/magickal growth.

Thanks!

– Jessica G.

I responded:

Author please? I don’t know every book out there.

🙂 Wow!  I wasn’t expecting a response this fast! The author is Tashira Tachi-ren.

From the author, things already sounded suspect. The name sounds like a crash course of something sounding like it’s trying to be ethnic (namely, Japanese) but failing. And usually in Paganism, this is usually attached to a White person. I googled the name.

Yep. White lady. The book looked just as bad, I skimmed it through Amazon.

I’m skimming while still dealing with a head cold but something seems really off about the book.

For starters, when you have an archangel as your co-author, there’s usually the start of your problems of dealing with a dink author, besides the phony name.

I have mixed feelings about it as well.  On one hand, since there aren’t a lot of other books about the topic it seemed like it would be legitimate for meditations, and I have also found two black pagans on youtube who have referred to themselves and others as “lightworkers.”  On the other hand, I have an ingrained Baptist suspicion of channeling no matter how far away I get from my Abrahamic roots.  

I came across it because I am interested in mysticism and metaphysics, and this very much falls into that area.  

Here are the two youtube videos I was referring to:

“What is a Light Worker? What is Dark Energy?”

“Random Brother Ra: I’m a Light Worker from the Hood”

(They’re non-linked because they were not really that good to vouch for)

13SignsAstrology guy talks about chemtrails and given his demeanor, his vid about the orgins of the race will be Afriboo grade, therefore this guy most likely is an unreliable source. The other one is marginally better but seemingly by a hair. It appears that they don’t have a lot of study on the subject. Channeling is real but are you just trying to do Kabbalah stuff or lightworking (which, depending on which route you take, is pretty new-agey nonsense) in general?

I’m attracted to the concept of lightworking for working with different colors of light in order to heal myself and others. I’m not even quite sure how I came across the term, but it seemed interesting and this one was the oldest (and one of 2) books I could find on it.  The basis of it is very “out-there,” but since I’ve been researching magickal/belief systems for years, I’m willing to at least think on it, and wanted to check with someone who may be more familiar with it. 🙂  There aren’t many (black) people where I am who openly practice anything that may draw suspicion, so I can’t ask anyone in person. And you are closer to me in age, so I felt more comfortable asking you! 

Thanks for answering!!  I’m about to go overseas this weekend, and was debating on the handful of books I would take with me.    

This is another video. 

“Citrine Crystal: My Joy, Energy, Mood Booster, Happiness Gemstone”

Apologies for the onslaught of emails, but I believe my question really is, do you have an opinion on lightworking?

Thanks

Sounds like you mainly want to do color magick sort of, since you want to work with various colors, even if it in using light. My opinion on lightworking is that it is ok but there such a deluge of Christian based nonsense with bit and pieces yanked from other cultures such as the idea of karma (that’s Hinduism) that it’s almost not worth following someone else and just researching for yourself how light and energy work (from a scientific perspective), the psychological and esoteric effects of color and how that was perceived throughout various eras and histories. 

None of the videos you shown me would I recommend. They’re just not well researched enough and too cramped down in contemporary, Western Christian and Abrahamic ideology that it couldn’t possibly support reasonable theories. If you want to work with angels, that’s fine but do real research, not follow after these people. I’ll touch more on all this during Ask Black Witch at the end of this month.

And now that time is here! Woo. Easier to talk about stuff when you don’t have a head cold.

So, for book recommendation because I want to get that out of the way. I looked in the Library of Congress stacks on witchcraft and metaphysics (it’s a little meh but got some usefulness to it) and I have found a book called Tony and Tina Color Energy: How Color can Transform Your Life by Christina Bornstein and Anthony Gill. Despite the super new-agey title (that I dislike because of that very reason), the book actually has quite some interesting nuggets of information that could probably help you. However, still do some research because these guys aren’t as bad as the vloggers you’ve mentioned, without any supplementary information, you could wind up sounding as mental and off-color as some of the vloggers. And that’s not good.

There’s a sizeable amount to flip through on Amazon via the Look Inside but here’s a good snapshot I took of the book to show some of what they talk about since that doesn’t show up on the Look Inside.

Click for full size pic

So I recommend giving it a look.

Now, the lightworker book from Tashi-ren, books like that you should always pass on. The writing in the book is very well deluded. In the foreword says:

“Tashira Tachi-ren walked into the body on July 11, 1985 and walked out the body on December 17, 1997. With an eternal essence of Divine Will and a divine function of Holographic Harmonization, her divine design was perfect suited to embody the vision of, and be the primary channel for, the Council of Ein Soph.”

This is mental as all get out. The mention of holograms is the most fishy part of this. That’s usually said in the vein of UFO and aliens believers and folks who think that they have had metal plates or something that wirelessly controls them put in their head (and the story will always involve the “evils” of homosexuality in some way, shape or form. That’s usually how you can tell something stupid is present, homophobia, racism or misogyny). Ein Soph (also spelled Ein Sof) is, as described by my go-to book, The Watkins Dictionary of Magic by Nevill Drury: “In the Kabbalah, the ‘Infinite’. See Ain Soph Aur”. In the book, Ain Soph Aur is: “A Hebrew expression meaning ‘Limitless Light’. In the Kabbalah, it represents the infinite and mysterious source from which all comes forth.” So that part is legit in name but only in use of name alone. Everything else is bunk.

Then you have this bit:

“Aliyah Merkavah Ziondra walked into the body of Tashira Tachi-Ren on December 17, 1997. As an incarnation of Rapture Elohim, her essence is Divine Rapture and her function is Divine Alignment. She views her orientation as devotional and heart-centered.”

What. The. Holy. Hell? Ok, now I’m confused. If Tachi-Ren walked out of the body on that day, how could someone else walk into her body? That sounds almost like two levels of possessions. That and Elohim, also by Watkins Dictionary means “One of the sacred names of God in Hebrew scripture and the Kabbalah, and used by magicians as a god-name in magical ceremonies. It is the plural form of ‘El’, meaning ‘God’. See following entries.” There’s Elohim Gebor/Givor and Elohim Tzevaot but there is no “rapture” version. And speaking of rapture, here comes the doom and gloom. Oh, this is going to be really…repetitive of all the other dime store books that sound just as butterball nuts.

At least the two personas are explained a little further down with “On December 17, 1997[,] Tashira Tachi-ren walked-out and Rapture Elohim walked-in.” But still, “[Ziondra] embodied the Wings of Glory program from the Council. She brought in the rest of the Phoenyx [of Yah]/[Heavenly]Merkavah teaching and all of the Bennu Initiations.” None of this stuff makes sense. And why would something so universal as a deity care about Earth where there is a whole universe to worry about? Why rely on humans? I’m pretty sure the Abrahmic god can see what damage we’re capable of, even offed his own kid. At that point, loving (despite rapturous and jealous) or not, wouldn’t it be time to scour through space and time to find another group of living beings that aren’t so derpy, they’re still hung up on the fact they come in darker shades to the point of displaying vast homicidal tendencies?

And here comes the bit where I could tell this book was not worth reading (and I can finish up so I can move on to the next questions):

“Even with the [parallel, Sept 17-19, 2001] split occurring slowly over three days, the Light level regression and the events of 9/11[,] many Lightworkers felt traumatized by the split. Most members of the last two walk-in waves failed to launch and remained confused and immersed in the karma game.”

Now we have 9/11 mentioned. Ok, why would the angels or whatever entities care about 9/11? Why so centric to the United States? There’s many, maaaaaaaaaaaaany things that were happening well before the terrorist attack (that was in reaction to really crappy stuff the US has done to other nations, including launched terrorist attacks and invasions of our own since ehhhhhhhh, Cold War? (And remember, Cold War got started from stuff that happened in WWII. Which got started from stuff in WWI, it’s all a doozy). So I don’t know why higher entities would care outside of saying, “Welp, that’s what you get for screwing other people over on a regular basis and in God’s name half the time”?). Why would any higher entity planted here on earth worry about America when the Middle East, where many Biblical events occurred, is pretty much on fire? And partly thanks to America, of course, as well as other Western nations. It doesn’t make sense. And 9/11 was bad but it wasn’t the only bad thing happening at the time. It’s just…this bit is so US centric, it doesn’t make sense.

Let’s not get started with the use of the term “karma” and the fact that is from Hinduism soooooooo, yeah. This book is just a bad pick. Nothing about it is worth looking at, at all.

Onward with other questions!

Hello. I would first like to say I enjoyed reading your blog specific, especially that you are not in favour of love spells, your argument well iterated. And hexing, yeah instead of dealing with issues like well-developed beings, there is the attitude of ‘fix it for me’ rather than taking responsibility for our actions. I believe that is what a witch is, someone who takes responsibility for their actions, what it is; neither good nor bad. I like ‘binding a karmic spell’ as it incorporates basic witchcraft principles. I’m not interested in the Wiccan rede, where the ‘do what thy will but do no harm’. Comes across to me as not being fully responsible for what is done. 

Well I’ll put that aside now being not the time.

I am studying via my well-honed research skills to become a witch. Which witch is irrelevant to me, I won’t sit by a colour and limit whatever I am supposed to accomplish. I’ve survived a hellasious series of life learning experiences and now I am again free in spirit and body to be and what I damned well like.;-) So I believe that I was born to become a witch. My information hunt led me to your site.

Sometimes I can let things go and have learned to forgive some people some things. However when a memory of a particular event is triggered and get low, then I think how come there is no justice no recourse for what they did, et cetera. So I want to punish them spiritually and I guarantee that is justified and will elucidate at the end.

Yet I’m appreciative that millions of people have suffered and are not seeking revenge. I could go in circles.

So reading your blog regarding the use of karmic spell leads me to this question.

How far or bad does it have to be before taking defensive or punitive action?

So this is my background I don’t like to talk but this is an exception.
I was brought up in a good old abusive Christian environment, yes they did it all. I put myself through university & met the father of my 3 (lovely/rotten) kids. The oldest turned 16 this year. I’m leaving out a lot I was diagnosed 10 years ago my youngest is 11 in two months. With major depression and anxiety with border line personality disorder. I am in remission the bpd is like having a 1000 mood swings all day. That is no longer in control of me but me. Although there have been many incidents where as an adult I was in very bad situation so. And obviously I don’t like talking about any of these. This incident was 15years ago. We were planning to get engaged. So to celebrate I was to have dinner with the ex-girlfriend of one of his mates. Thing is I look at this now & can’t believe how gullible…anyway after the meal I stood she did too came towards me smiling as I passed out. I woke up when it was dark in a shallow bath, screaming and heard the ambulance officers say she’s on drugs. Then my partner (ex), turned up. Apparently they took picture shows & showed him. He said he never wants to talk about this again. And for two day had vomiting diarrhea. I then had a reputation as being easy. I live in WA. He & the other two are still in Darwin, NT. We were planning to come back home so the kids could spend time together. But ah school fees etc so the holiday is delayed. And triggered the fear of being seen by ‘anyone’ at home.

That is what I was pondering what I could possibly do, initially I was looking for an effective punishment but that’s not likely. That is what I call justified anger. 

With your experience may I inquire your opinion of when or how bad must it be.
And yes I’ve had worse experiences as I got older.
So please I would like your views.

Please respond, thank you for your time.

– Fiona D.

For the skimmers, the question in this letter is this: How far or bad does it have to be before taking defensive or punitive action? 

A good rule of thumb is “After all mundane options have been used.” Protective magick can be done – as long as it is general to cover all bases – at the start of a problem but defensive magick with a punitive edge, should be done after all reasonable mundane options have been done. For example, stalking from an abusive ex: There’s the mundane options of going to the police, having a police report done, getting a restraining order (if possible because a piece of paper with the resting threat of legal repercussions don’t stop bullets or the person simply running into your house or any other physical, real-world action), informing others that this is happening. After exercising all these options, nothing is wrong with doing karmic or binding spells for further protection. Basically, don’t run to magick first thing to solve a problem, it should be the back-up procedure to ensure your safety.

I’m Abigail

I wanted to thank you very much for your post.  If my writing wasn’t so bad I could say I wrote it myself.  I’m of the left hand path something that has been inside me from the age of 8 and I begged for that 8 Ball for Xmas  I live in the Sacramento California area and dream of the day I could find or meet people who are not afraid do to Christian brainwashing.  I do believe in live and let live why can’t others do the same.  How dare they tell me how to live as though we were Siamese twins in the womb..  I have been studying the all things Occult side of things like it was a food menu, because I’m drawn to it,  I have to I want to.  I won’t go into the history of Mother and Grand Mother , I’ll repeat glad I found your information..  

I’ve been searching lately through dating sites and of course it’s been very difficult because I know I don’t belong there not out of shame their just not into the or accepting of the same beliefs.   I’m strong enough not to care about their wanting to go to heaven while excluding and condemning, for I am hell bound where I can be happy.

Although I’m  now a free to be lesbian along with being a lefty I have always worked alone  in my craft. Because I have not met anyone here., noting for instance our craft would not have to be the same.. 

How wonderful it would be to have a partner who see’s me light some black candles and say “  ooo  somebody gonna get”  and we laugh , I say yep and I ask do you need  more of my , red , blue any color candle,  herb or voodoo poppet and she say yes and I need your help tonight with a spell or ritual.

Please feel free to contact me any time I have subscribed to your web site as well may the Christians and other trouble makers  keep the F—K out.  The have enough websites of their own.  I’m not trying to come off like a racist per say however as black people we need to have our own just like the rest of the world who now have set their eyes on mars and the other planets.  We need to build that being said may your website do very well  like Egypt.

If there is a dating site that you know of for serious black pagans,  please let me know,

Truthfully

Abigail

I quickly and briefly reminded her this in a response but so to avoid getting more of these: I don’t practice the Left-Hand Path. I never said ever that I have. There’s nothing on this blog to even back up that claim. I’m “Black Witch” because I’m a Black person – I am from the Pan-African Diaspora, I’m of Negro heritage, I’ve been harassed by cops, passed over for jobs, followed in stores, bothered by White folks who make excuses for their more racist counterparts while saying they’re an “ally” and been told to straighten my hair, – simply, I’m a Black person. A fact that, when people miss it, it’s a major pet peeve of mine because how do you miss the fact this is a race-based Pagan blog? I tend to see it as an act of grand dunce, plain and simple. Even if the mistake was made from another Black person, it still is a pet peeve. Just because I practice witchcraft doesn’t automatically mean I’m a practitioner of the Left-Hand Path, that’s irrational. It’s like me assuming every Christian I meet is Catholic just because they said they’re Christian.

Now, dating while Black and Pagan is certainly not easy. The Pagan dating sites are pretty White centered, Black folks in general may have an issue with Paganism due to lack of general information (and the fact that the face of Paganism is constantly a White, middle class person does not help). I know. It would be best to try a general online dating site such as OkCupid since you can match up with others of various faiths, including other Black folks and to be really up front about being Pagan on your profile. It’s always good to be upfront about the fact that you’re Pagan and are serious about your practices. In the questions, you can go in-depth about spellwork and more but make sure it’s in a neutral sense so folks don’t think it’s automatically hexes and jinxes with you.

Also, at least on a site like OkCupid, you can sort what kind of girl you want to make contact with, so you can click on everything but “Christian” for “Religion” and just click on “Black” for “Ethnicity” and see what you get.

In addition, I can understand not wanting to deal with Christian folks  in the dating circle (I’m straight but dealing with a Christian nutter crosses all orientations so I still get you) in general but it’s best to work on your perception of Christianity so folks, even from other religions, don’t go “Geez, what’s her problem?” It’s one thing to say, “Man, this culture is too Christian centric. The laws are based in Christian rhetoric, everyone assumes you’re either Christian or you’re evil and despite the glaring fact that many really terrible people are and have been Christian,” so on and so forth but another to just take on an “All Christians suck” stance. You don’t have to be all “Jesus is my best friend” because that’s stupid since you practice a different religion but just try to be neutral about the religion itself. Neutral doesn’t mean you can’t rip on the bad acting Christians, just know the difference. Neutral also doesn’t mean you have to think Christianity is fantastic, just acknowledge that it exists and people practice it.

Regardless of whatever, it’s important to just be upfront with who you are and to nip in the bud any girl that comes through that seems obviously uncomfortable with your religious practices. Hey, you might also avoid a few walking “let us pray”, gay-panic type lesbians who are hyper-Christian since they internalized some Christian based homophobia because no one needs that in their life.

And part of me wants to say, “Get a Tumblr.” There’s gotta be a lgbt Black Pagan community on there. There’s gotta be a Black gay, bi or pansexual girl on there that you could click with or have introduce you to someone she knows.

Dating is tough.

And that’s all the questions for Ask Black Witch for this month! (And the last of the year!)

This is Ask Black Witch, let’s get started. It’s a little late this time because of head cold, food poisoning (second in my life and within two years. Avoid the Rainbow Roll sushi at the Library of Congress’ Madison Café), and cramps all at pretty much the same time. That takes a lot out of you.

Merry meet im Jenine,I wanna know how do i going about what i need to do with my inner gifts I always wanted to be a witch and I always knew I was different im 32 year of age and still struggle to deal with what I have.I dont talk to anyone about myself I alwaysd used to ask my mum but she no longer with me…im a loner,married with 3 kids I just need someone anyone to understand or tell me whats happening to me please

– Jenine H.

See, when I first read this letter, I was well baffled:

Ok, you’re making really little sense. I am seriously going to need you to reiterate what you’re trying to say, and this time, use punctuation and be a lot more specific. You can learn magick and witchcraft just from the books I already have suggested on my site. What is it exactly that you have? I can’t tell you what’s going on since you really didn’t tell me much besides, “I have gifts and I’m lonely.” So write back being a lot more descriptive than you were in the original letter and from there, I can see if there’s any info I can pull.

I can’t help if I can’t make sense.

The response:

I apologize, ok.My grandmother told me I was born with second  sight what we call ‘die helm’…I can see spirits like ghosts,demons I have dreams that I think come true almost like ‘dejavu’…I would get very angry in the past then I wil say something terrible to someone then it would happen just the way I said it…its been like this for years, I dont want to hurt anyone …nothing makes sense to me…people don’t have to tell me things I would already know what they gonna say,I get emotional for no reason…I thought im cursed but I put that thinking out off head, why I say I always wanted to be a witch is,when I was very young I was drawn to this house were my granny live and got this feeling that I wanna be what live there I only assumed it was a witch with long hair …I know I sound dumb…I never had any close friends and my family thinks im dodgy…do I make sense?

You’re making some sense. However, regardless of having psychic abilities of any sort, you sound lonely utmost. Have you joined any message boards like Mystic Wicks or something? I’ll answer more in depth on Ask Black Witch at the end of the month.

No none

Ok. Everyone, as a reminder, I strongly prefer well written letter because I like understanding successfully what you are saying.

Now, it is possible this person could be clairvoyant but it sounds more like there is a potential depression issue from loneliness, which can easily cloud and confuse any psionic ability. I would recommend that you get the loneliness sorted out because it’s very possible you feel trapped in your life and the idea of having special abilities could be that mental release. This doesn’t mean that you don’t have any, just that getting the loneliness corrected would help clear the mental cloud so you can move forth in exploring the abilities that you were informed were hereditary. This is why I suggested Mystic Wicks, because they have a pretty lively messageboard (turns out Mystic Wicks is taken down but the Wicca.com forums are still alive and kicking) where you can socialize and break out of your loneliness, even if just a little, and get more information about what you can do. I think they even have a section where people from the same area can talk, make friendships and eventually gather.

Hi I’ve always had a question in my mind about this and I was wondering can anyone become a witch or practice magick because I’ve been getting interested and I would love to know we’re to begin. Thank you!

– Chris

Yep, anyone as long as you’re willing to put in the work and study. You don’t have to be born from a family of witches or practitioners, just doing your homework is enough. I would best recommend the Resources & Information category, especially The Arts! Samhain Editions. Those are the best books I can think of as start off points. I really recommend Where to Park your Broomstick by Lauren Manoy, most of all.

After a lot of thinking, I type this mail as I’m not sure with regard to what I should do. I seek your advice and if possible your help. I request that my identity remain confidential.

I come from a middle class family, where my parents have seen tough times. I completed my studies and cleared exams to join government civil service (a matter of pride in our society ) . I had told my mother that I would marry any girl of their choice, but my mother wanted my opinion too.

During the course of my job, I met a girl who is from my religion, but belongs to a different geographical location. When things seemed favorable between us, I initiated talks of wedding straight away at my place ( I was not in favor of having a relationship outside marriage ).

My family members outright rejected her without even meeting her. My father even used terms which were disgusting. My family is against the idea of her being married to me as they assume that she is controlling me. Further, my father wants me to marry as per his choice. Meanwhile, it’s been a year and all my efforts to convince them till now have not borne fruit. I’m really stuck in a place where I want my family as well as this girl.

Is it possible to somehow make my family members receptive to the fact that this is a good girl. Can they be convinced?

Praying for a win-win solution.

– Alfetti

At first, I thought this was supposed to be a letter going somewhere else but wound up in my inbox but with a short clarification, it was clear the letter was for me.

Hello again ma’am,

Sorry for the late reply.

Firstly, I was going through your blog and I felt maybe I could get some help. Secondly, I have not much of an idea about paganism, magick or divination as I’m not a practitioner of any of these.

There are a few things though which I couldn’t add in my previous mail. My parents stay at my hometown, which is about 1500 miles from where I stay. The situation is tense because in March this year, when things had gotten very serious, my father had suffered a heart attack. Even now, my parents are not in the best of their health.

When I inch anywhere closer to the area of the conversation about me and her, my parents tend to take the conversation on the lines of family honor and social reputation. As such I have so far tried convincing my mother and my sisters but to no avail, although my mother says, that my father would never agree. I have spoken to my uncles to convince my father, but nobody can change his mind.

Recently, my father told me to marry as per his wish and choice. I didn’t tell him anything but I told my mom “if you want me to marry as per your choice, I would have to and it will be against my wish coz I love this girl.” But, we are still where we were with no change in their stance.

I apologize again for my late reply, on account of being preoccupied with my duties. Kindly excuse me.

This is tricky. I mainly know of Indian culture through my friends so hopefully I display a good enough grasp to sufficiently answer this question.

Just about everything clears but your parents’ approval. You didn’t go much into your actual relationship so I can’t determine if the girl is controlling but so far, it sounds like you have a pretty healthy relationship. Controlling relationships usually include isolation, actively (be it overt or covert) trying to turn you against your family in a “us vs. the world” type of way, never letting you have your space, things of that nature so I think your parents have baseless accusations and are probably saying that to be petty and a wee bit controlling themselves.

Now, I understand arranged marriage is a thing and it is tradition. However, traditions are not laws. You’re are indeed at a crossroads because on one hand, you have your family, who you love and appreciate and respect (even if they can act a bit batty because that’s family all around the world), and her you have this girl who you fell head over heels with and think she’s marvelous and even after a year, you still think she’s marvelous, which is a great sign for a relationship. I understand you want to respect your parents’ wishes and previous agreement of going after the girl they would pick for you buuuuut it seems your mind is just not going along with it and that little voice in the back of your head is not going to let up. However, you don’t want to feel like being too harsh will drive your dad right into a coffin and your mother into grief.

You’re going to have to play it cagey. Sum up all the good things you’ve done by them so far (the nice government job, the certifications and degrees) and how much honor and respect those things alone have chalked up. Surely those experiences are of high enough status and honor that you should have some wobble room to for this one thing for yourself. It isn’t as if you will marry this girl and all of a sudden everyone will think lowly of you and your family as if there never has been a single achievement at all. And plus, your girlfriend also has the government job so certainly if two people of prestigious jobs marry, surely the marriage can’t cancel out the high status of the job and the pride it brings in the eyes of society. I would say stick with your guns in dating this girl, show her around to the rest of the family (it sounds like they’re more accepting of her) and keep highlighting her best features like if she’s funny, brilliant or really killer smart with computers. And most of all, if parents raise a fuss, remind them that you have already fulfilled the family honor and outstanding status in society (and she will, too).

I understand why your parents feel this way and tradition is important but you have to go with what makes you happy if you’ve found it.