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My e[x] husband has a girl friend.. But i still love him… Will me and him get back together… If so when…

– Ronnie A.

My initial response:

“Why don’t you do these very simple things:

– *Read* my site and why I don’t like questions like these (because it’s asking for free divination and is a pretty stupid question)

– Get over your ex. He obviously did.“

Times like these make me wish I really did get better questions than this baseline drivel.

I’m a womanist, so I support gender equality, including in relationships. This means I’m not a fan of abusive behavior, like controlling someone. It’s not right or fair. Yes, relationships go sour but guess what? Everyone goes through that. It doesn’t make the experience easy but it doesn’t justify being harmful either.

Here’s the thing: this dude is an ex-husband. As in “gone”, “vamoosed”, “signed the divorce papers”, “disappeared”. He is free to do what he likes since the relationship is over. Including date other people. It’s one thing if he was dating before divorce, which would make him a “cheating piece of sh*t” but he’s divorced. If he’s got a girlfriend, it means, unless there is something wowing that the letter writer does, it’s pretty clear they’re never, ever getting back together. And even if the letter writer does something wowing, it still doesn’t mean they’re ever, ever going to get back together. Love is a two way street. Yes, it sucks. There is a reason why lovesick songs are constantly on the radio. And why Taylor Swift has any albums.

The reason why the question is stupid is because I have a pretty clear history of reaming anyone who shows abusive behavior like this. Missing love lost is fine, wanting to force it to come back is not. Kleenex makes money off of one, Smith & Wesson makes money off the other. If anything, it’s better to just sob a lot, listen to K-oS’ “Rain” and Whitney Houston’s “Heartbreak Hotel” on steady repeat and veg out for a couple weeks. That would be a lot more healthy and productive than bothering a random person on the internet.

Instead of worrying about the ex moving on with his life, move on with yours. Don’t get caught up on oneism (thinking that you have only one true love in the world and you must get that particular person, coined by Dr. Nerdlove). Talk out your feelings with someone you trust or a therapist. Once ready, refresh your dating skills and find husband #2.

If u are a really witch I need your help…. I have been experiencing something’s that I don’t know why they just showed up out of no were
Seeing and hearing things, my ears have been hurting any time something medium loud happens, waking up at 3:00 and 1:00 exactly every morning,something inside me says my fate is to be bad, feel like someone’s following me 24/7 and they sleep with me but there’s always no one there and I am not going crazy.. please help me, thank you. Ps this is just the sum of things..

– Jazmyn

Here is a glowing example of what not to send. Let’s point out the ways:

  • I can usually tell I’m about to hear nonsense when messages start with “If you’re really a witch”. Why, exactly, would I be LARPing as someone who practices witchcraft for nearly ten years? Anyone who does that is more depressing and pathetic than even the best psychologist could measure.
  • Through the whole thing, while it is a lot of description, it really tells me absolutely nothing. She could be describing strong stress (for example, ears having sound sensitivity could be an onset of tinnitus, a stress-related illness). Waking up at 3 or 1 in the morning is noteworthy but it isn’t enough for me to pinpoint what. A sense of dread and the sensation of someone else in your bed could point to something, or be another expression of the paranoia. Even if it was an entity, this is still very, very vague to determine what. I can’t just say “Sleep with a ring of rock salt around your bed” because that wouldn’t really do anything because, again, I wouldn’t know what the problem is.

The thing is also, I asked to expand more via email but didn’t see anything. I seriously am not going to be playing spirit detective, especially if I don’t have base info. I have to know background, usual interaction with the occult (usually slim experiences), so on and so forth. Can’t help anyone if I don’t know much. Besides, in my experience, about a good 96% of people coming to me with these questions are not besieged by spirits but have much more mundane problems…which are fixed with mundane solutions.

If you’re going to email me with your dilemmas, please be less like this.