Category: Spells & Potions


Brains Swapped Out

Filed under: Pagan Life, Spells & Potions — 6 Comments
March 12, 2016

I get a lot of “Body Swap” requests. And I mean a lot. Here’s a recent sample of what I’ve gotten:

Seriously, this is why Youtubers don't like to be close with their fans, creepy stuff like this

Seriously, this is why Youtubers don’t like to be close with their fans, creepy stuff like this

 

"Mrs."? Seriously? What's with the automatic assumption? Or that I'll help?

“Mrs.”? Seriously? What’s with the automatic assumption? Or that I’ll help? (Click pic if too small)

 

Thiiiiiiiiis is pretty revolting (Click pic if too small)

Thiiiiiiiiis is pretty revolting (Click pic if too small)

Here’s a snap from one foolish person who asked decided to send me the same question a number of times.

Everyone, I see every email I get, no need to mass send it

Everyone, I see every email I get, no need to mass send it (Click pic if too small)

 

And what was it about? Each and every one?

This sounds like something borderline "Call FBI's children protections unit"

This sounds like something borderline “Call FBI’s children protections unit”

And here is the very most recent request. Complete with my response, numbered to follow flow of convo:

convo

I try to be a trans ally but this is not it at all. Not at all. Not even in the least. (Click if pic is too small)

Ok, time to go into why I don’t like these letters. At all. A second time.

Reason, the first: I don’t do spells/spell requests for others. And never have.

I believe I make myself quite clear, I don’t do spells for others and never have. It’s actually one of the things I tell people not to ask because I don’t do paid spellwork/pay-for-pray. If I did, I wouldn’t have to worry about finances ever again, this is really advanced spellwork, therefore would cost at the very least $5,000 USD. As the starting fee, nothing added on (as in, the price can more than easily grow, based on circumstance of the who, what and when). Up front.

Hey, I believe strongly in socialism but I am American, after all. Capitalism can sometimes be useful.

I don’t do paid spellwork at all because that’s simply how I am. I really don’t care nor want to hear “I’ll pay you” because we all know that’s not going to happen. Also, the initial messages almost always think I will do it for free, they never ever discuss cost. Just “Here, I want this and, despite your many remarks – mainly negative and dissuading – on what I am asking about, give it to me anyways.” Thaaaaaaat’s ridiculously rude, I really don’t care what you’re asking about.

This is why I tell people to research. Actually, that’s my second point:

Reason, the second: Shows lack of research/absolute show of duncery:

It doesn’t take much search to see if I do pay-for-pray or anything. It also doesn’t take much searching to see how I handle other folks who ask about body switching questions – none of them nicely. I’ve minced and lacerated every question I’ve published on the subject.

Everyone, I have a google search bar on my site. It works really well. That and I have a category section to split up all my columns. I use them all for each and every post.

This and maybe people should notice that they’re writing to a librarian, I’m really quite the stickler on research. It’s always a good thing to study and research a blog or anything, especially if they have a search bar about. That way, you can see if your question had already been answered and if it haven’t, if it is ok to ask. It’s one thing if I’ve never wrote about the subject, in remote reference to the subject or whatever have you but body swapping? Just a quick search in the Ask Black Witch category should clue anyone in. If people don’t want to search but want to ask me all the same, that’s their misfortune. I’m pro-learning, not pro-coddling.

Reason the third: Consent and agency, anyone?:

It really seems that when people ask me to switch bodies. It’s usually with someone else. For example, the dude above wanted to switch with their nephew, for whatever reason. I never ever hear anything about consent, agency, whatever. Nothing about how that person is ok with it, and accompanying proof, they’re basically the person as target. And it’s usually desperate sounding, like if they don’t switch bodies, someone will die. Which tilts to something fetish-sounding.

Reason the fourth: Eh, sounds fetish-y:

Even when it is not with someone else, that’s better off for a doctor or it sounds like a right ol’ fetish. And it’s usually guys! I never have really gotten many women asking for a body swap. It’s usually guys and they usually want to be a girl, which is rather uncanny. Some guys, they make it sound like a clear fetish and I’ve read enough Dan Savage and been on Tumblr long enough to know it when I see it.

I doubt these guys want to become women because they’re actually trans or that they genuinely want to experience the world through the perspective of a woman – dude! Here’s this one that sounds super fetishy, even the email sounds odd. I didn’t know it at the time but with some thought and time, that is my theory. I’ll showcase the whole thing down the line, eventually.

It seems a fetish rather than an actual concern because one thing people think is, even if they go “oh, this is permanent, I wouldn’t want to change back”, that this is magick, not science so there must be a reversal spell somewhere. Trust, if these guys wanted to be women because they want to act out a, frankly, misogynistic fetish (it’s based on being helplessly weak and dominated, enforced by gendered social roles), they’ll want to change back once they had their fill of catcalling, intelligence dismissed, lack of job opportunities/decent pay and periods, they’re going to want to be a guy again. The real world isn’t so glamourous. So, yeah, asking a woman – who’s a womanist/feminist (talk about being stupid in pickings) – about this is going to bring insults and sharp jabs in response. Again, research is key. If these folks didn’t want people to give them such a hard time, they should have guessed that I wasn’t the right person to ask. These folks aren’t “I’m trans and I’m scared of the medical process and transitioning is pricy, can you help with a spell”, just “I wanna be a girl [because of fetish reasons]!” Um, no.

 

These are all the reasons why I don’t like body swaping questions. Honestly, I really don’t like any spell requests because I don’t do any spell requests. Period. At all. But it seems those who ask about body swapping are particularly moronic about it. For people so desperate, maaaaaybe they should research and skim a bit before asking me, a person who won’t be giving any too kind an answer.

Given the nature of these folks, obviously I’ll get more letters like these, which means I’ll never run out of people to skewer. I rather have much more competent asks and questions, honestly, however. I like answering more thoughtful questions, not lapses of thought and judgement.

Next Week is The Arts: (Unfortunately, I’m still frazzled so the list is meager)

  • Kat Blaque
  • Miles Jai
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Ask Black Witch: So Many Questions!

Filed under: Ask Black Witch, Pagan Life, Spells & Potions — Leave a comment
November 27, 2015

Huzzah, it is Ask Black Witch, where you ask me questions and I answer ‘em! Basic rule is “good questions are appreciated, bad questions are eviscerated”. Since I was gone for a super long time, that means a lot of questions piled up. I’m going to start with the most recent and work my way back. That way, I keep up with questions. These questions are mainly coming from Tumblr and the Ask Black Witch submission box.

Also, it’s the holidays, I really am probably gonna derp on a few questions.

Do you have any suggested reading material?

– MartianKid

Recently and for the metaphysics? No. To be honest, I’ve been scoping out books and materials but in physical form, it’s really, really lacking. Either it’s basically the same info regurgitated over and over with a new shiny book cover or it’s some lame 101 book that’s clearly directed either toward White teens or their housewife moms. Or a combo. And usually with some cultural appropriation (chakras, smudging, voodoo) thrown in for good measure.

Honestly, it would be best to look at the more academic books about these subjects because Pagan writers simply are lacking. Although, academic writers are not perfect either, there’s a lot of biased information in academic writing due to the field and the publishing houses that function in it pretty much holding the same gatekeeping standards as the Ku Klux Klan – White gaze, Male gaze, Western standards always at the center somehow and everyone else goes under a microscope to be coldly examined into bits. This would take a lot of study to make sure you’re getting an objective learning that benefits you versus just learning a lot of academeized prejudices displayed as inarguable fact.

The issue is, because these fields have next to no diversity in voice and perspective (5 White, male writers on the subject of Native American smudging is not diversity & tokenization is not diversity, either) due to how they constructed themselves, there’s a lot of research that will be needed on your part. I know, I know, for a field that claims to be overflowing with smarties, eggheads and geniuses, they’re pretty freaking stupid about getting tripped up over basic and small things like race and gender. Make sure the books you read have diverse authors as well.

I already have books I have referenced a few times in the past in the Resources and Information category. They’re very decent, especially for spell work and the groundwork of such. Academic books are really sucky about that, obviously.

I’m a teen interested in Wicca, especially Dianic Wicca. What god or goddess do we worship and I’m afraid to tell my parents that I’m interested in Wicca since they’re Christians.

– Nicole M.

First thing first, it wouldn’t be “we”, it would be “they” because I’m neither Dianic or Wiccan. The Dianic Wiccans pray to, well, Diana, the Roman goddess of the moon, childbirth and the hunt.

It would be best to gauge your parents’ reactions. I didn’t really tell my parents for a long time and, frankly, I got outed (after I moved out, but still, got outed). If they are severely “Anyone who doesn’t believe what I believe is going straight to Hell”, I wouldn’t expect they would have a sudden turnaround when their own child needs them to.

This means you may have to warm them up to the idea of the fact that different religions exist and are still just as valid as theirs. However, if you still live with them underneath their roof, you’re going to have to be very cautious because the last you need is to be kicked out and forced homeless as a result of your parents showing “Christian love and mercy”. Remember, religious privilege, like any privilege, is very good at making people bend logic and go Pompeii over little things. This means you can still test the waters but be safe about it such as talk about people with different faiths (not all the time or they’ll pick up) and hear how they feel. If they think Christianity is the only way or that Pagans are just crazy White people just being crazy, that means you may have to practice in secret until you move out.

If you don’t live with them, you can still warm it up to them with time. The upshot is that you don’t have to worry about homelessness, just people being potentially upset. Remind them that A) this is not a dig at your family history or heritage, you still appreciate it B) it’s not a phase no more than them being Christian is a phase C) This doesn’t mean you hate Christians now, the religion simply didn’t work for you because of your own individual feelings and beliefs and D) they can either have you or their bigotry, but they can’t have both, so choose. (And bigotry won’t take care of them when they’re old and decrepit. Nor send them family pictures. Nor help them carve the turkey during the holidays). Without the risks of your livelihood and safety being diminished, it’s up to you on how to warm up your folks to Dianic Wicca but don’t expect any overnight changes. I would suggest easing them into it with passive mentions to it (“I’m going to be doing something for Yule, I hope it doesn’t snow badly this year like last time”) and bringing them back to center calmly if they start to be dismissive of the religion.

Even if they want to put in work to get to know and understand your religious faith, still don’t expect any overnight changes. Learning takes time. They’re going to be super uncomfortable that so many changes are happening all at once, it may take a while that you changing religions is not a person diss against them as parents and that you’re not an evil person now that you left Christianity. Actually, if they do believe that non-Christian=evil, feel free to present a picture of Donald Trump, the Ku Klux Klan, Adolf Hitler, the US Congress and the Bush Administration as proof that you can be wicked in any religion.

I’m looking to start practicing again but I don’t know to any circles or covens around me. It been such a long time since I practiced, and so much has changed since then. I’m not sure where to start.

– Vivian K.

This can be a really hard thing to do because not only do you want a circle or coven that meets your spiritual needs but also your mundane needs as well, such as, “Will I get along with them?” I would best recommend to see via google or local Pagan groups on Facebook to see what is available and go from there. Thanks to the internet, it’s easier to find circles and covens but thanks to the internet, it can sometimes be harder because people worry of being found.

You can look on WitchVox, that also would be a really good place to start.

Is it possible to be A Christian and A witch?

– Albert M.

Short answer: Yes.

Drawn out answer: Yes, there is “thou shalt not suffer a witch to live” but actually, that’s not in the original writings of the Bible, which was “Thou shalt not suffer a poisoner” to live. The word “witch” as we all know and understand it in modern day context actually was not in existence then. The closest back then would have been “doctor” not “poisoner” given witches – also can be considered witch doctors – were giving out remedies and helping the community, not hurting it. The “thou shalt not suffer a witch to live” bit mainly came to be around the King James Version and was moreso a result from the witch hunts and panics of the times.

Christian witches very much are a thing, they simply use the Holy Trinity as replacement for the god/dess figure that is prominent in Paganism, tend to study angel magick and mainly Christian or Abrahamic occultic works. Basically, Christianity is the focus of their practice and magick, that’s it. They still go to church, they still follow Christian doctrine, they’re still Christian, they just add metaphysical practice with their faith.

Hi! From what I’ve read, it seems like the practice of using graveyard dirt in spells, etc. originated exclusively from Hoodoo. Do you know if this is accurate, and if so, as a white witch should I avoid this practice?

– Alice

Graveyard dirt is mainly a feature in Hoodoo (and Voodun, I believe?) The best writing I have seen on this side of the world wide web is Amethjera’s writing titled “Graveyard Dirt – History, Purchase and Uses”, which smartly broaches the topic and confirms that, yep, you’re right, graveyard dirt has origins in Hoodoo.

Now, if you mean “white witch” as in “person who practices ‘good’ magic”, I would say that Hoodoo is not inherently evil – neither is Voodoo – and that magick like electricity: neither inherently good or bad, it’s all in how you use it.

If you mean “white witch” as in, “white person who practices witchcraft”, then I would say just tread verrrrry carefully because it’s a short walk from just borrowing culture to outright stealing it. If anything, if you’re super interested in using it, I highly recommend doing some deep study on the history of Hoodoo, why it exists, why graveyard dirt is a thing and so on and so forth. Graveyard dirt can be really strong in magick and while no faith or cultural practice has a copyright on dirt sitting in a cemetery/burial ground, it is better to be aware and respectful of its background instead of going, “I have a jar a diiiiiirt and it’s miiiiine. I’m so original.”

Just don’t start using overtly Hoodoo things with the dirt such as prayers, deities and more, especially not without heavy and extensive research and understanding of the importance of Hoodoo and how it came about. That’s appropriating/stealing/being disrespectful. Using the dirt by itself – as just dirt that came from a burial ground, any burial ground -, that can be fine. Adding more cultural effects, then it starts to become an issue. But still, read up on the history before proceeding. That’s a must.

Right now I am at my lowest, I feel like there is something negative on me. being I am interested in becoming a witch. But I don’t know if I have to give up being a Christian.

 

– Sherri J.

This question came right at the very end of Aug so I don’t know if it still stands but ‘ey, I’ll give it a shot.

If you’re depressed, that does not mean that there is a fix on you, it could just mean you’re going through a lot of bad things right about now. If you think it is as a result of you starting to think about joining witchcraft, that’s merely confirmation bias and instilled Christian fear/guilt working as a tag team. Also, if you’re really depressed, make sure to talk to someone or keep a journal to get out your feelings.

Now, usually when people come to me and they say “I feel like crap, I’m part of [insert faith here] but it isn’t working out for me, maybe I should try [witchcraft/Paganism/Wicca/etc]”, I remind them that if the issue is belief-wise, maaaaaaaaaaaybe they should consider, but after a lot of introspection and research. But if it is life-wise (job is crappy, life is crappy because of life stuff, etc), then maybe they should be visiting their church/mosque/synagogue/ etc, more because this is where faith is tested the most. Not during the good times, during the bad times. I’m Pagan but I still have crappy days. I practice witchcraft, still have crappy days.

If you don’t want to give up on being Christian, don’t. Nothing says you have to. Only you know if being Christian is working out for you but know that there’s no religion you can go to, no spell that can be casted that is simply the silver bullet for all of life’s problems and woes. Faith isn’t easy, that’s certain.

Today I found a jar with urine and a picture inside of me, What can this mean? A love spell? it was an old picture of me inside and I’m sure it was 5 years or more back since the picture was old and it also had some type of things on the bottom of the jar. Is this any type of spell?

– Emily B.

(Today for this letter would be also the tail end of Aug.) I’m no pro on Hoodoo or Voodun (which is what this reminds me of but it can also be folk magick) buuuuuut one thing I do know is that any time body excrement such as feces or urine is used, it’s not for positive things usually. I simply cannot recall any love spell (not “non-controlling” ones, certainly) that involves what you describe.

If you found nails or anything at the bottom of the jar, this further would make me believe that this isn’t a love spell…it’s more like a fix, a jinx. I would think back to 4-5 years ago if you had any major hardships that seemed very hard to resolve and as if it came out the blue. I don’t believe I got another email describing what’s inside the jar but I can guess that this wasn’t a good thing to trip across. Empty, destroy and bury as soon as possible.

That’s all for today!

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Money and Magick

Filed under: Spells & Potions — 6 Comments
August 14, 2015

Something super common about Paganism, Wicca and Witchcraft is how it sometimes seem so costly. Seeing practitioners with cauldrons, extravagant robes, visually rapturing wands, goblets and more, it can appear the price of entry and participation can appear way up there, somewhere past “college textbooks”. This meme submitted to Wiccan Cat Meme basically says it all:

Just as a reminder, I'm not Wiccan, just Pagan

Just as a reminder, I’m not Wiccan, just Pagan

I think such a paradox is ridiculous. I understand how someone can get sucked into it – I certainly did when I started and having a catalog of Avalon Moon as a teenager didn’t help – but for such a nature-based belief system, we can charge like Wall St. investors when it comes to our natural products.

It is very important for everyone to remember that you don’t have to pay out the wazoo to practice magick. It’s really cool to have that fancy candle holder and obsidian mirror with a robe that is as intricate as it is incredibly flammable but as nifty as it would be to be the prettiest fireball running down the block if you’re not careful, it’s not necessary. To do a money spell, for example, shouldn’t make you broker than you were when you came up with the idea. Yes, there’s the Western capitalist idea of “gotta spend money to make money” but when dealing with the universe and asking it for a solid, it’s probably better to think outside the box. Intent is there, physical substances are merely supplemental to the practice. Think of being a runner or simply an active person. You don’t have to be plastered from head to toe with Nike to simply jog, which only requires comfortable shoes and clothes as well as a water bottle. The extra stuff is certainly nice and can totally make running a lot more comfortable but not necessary.

Working magick can be done with birthday candles and some dirt from outside, it can be done just using only the salt and pepper shakers, it can be as simple as writing down a name and stuffing it into a short water bottle to freeze. Magick can be cheap, if not free. Magick can also be heavy meditation on a particular outcome. All these things require practice but they’re there. A smart witch is one that can work with little materials but still make it work. It’s not necessary to have the $300 crystal ball when a shiny glass or small orb of quartz is fine enough because the intuition comes from within, they’re just helper materials. Using table salt in circle casting (but not outdoor spellworking because that kills plants, try soil or protective herbs) is fine. Using the same chalk made for sidewalk art is fine in spellwork, too. Using a branch or incense stick instead of a wand or staff is ok as well. This is using nature to do natural magick.

Basically, while it can be great to use fancy materials in spellwork but what makes spellwork, well, work is the practitioner, mainly. To be informed of practices and spells via reading countless, substantial resources and to simply continue practice the basics such as energy manipulation and meditation, that’s what makes a great practitioner with successful spellwork that doesn’t break the bank. Because what’s the point of making a money spell that makes you more broke? That’s practically an accidental hex.

Next week is “The Arts!”:
– The Trendy Geek

– Z-Type

– Quinni

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Real and False Crystals

Filed under: Pagan Life, Resources & Information, Spells & Potions — 2 Comments
August 7, 2015

Firstly, join me and Tamara Winfrey Harris on Sunday at Exittheapple on 2334 Guilford Ave between 11AM-3PM in Baltimore City, MD for a discussion of the recent book The Sisters are Alright: Changing the Broken Narrative of Black Women in America. I believe there will be light refreshments. Alright, onward with the column.

Posted recently on the African American Wiccans Society FB group page was an article titled “Beware of Fake Crystals on Ebay (How to Know the Difference)” penned by aLoverOfLife. This article is actually really good about how to spot fakes when buying crystals online.

I usually buy my rocks from physical places but I definitely have bought gems online. Sometimes stores will over-price on something that you will eventually think, “This is a rock. I am about to spend $25 on a semi-common rock smaller than a phalange on my finger” in regards to so you want to have a more acceptable price. However, the thing about buying online is that you can wind up with fakes. Surprisingly, it never truly dawned on me that folks would sell fake stones because I thought it would stand out but I’ve been staring at rocks speculatively since I was a kid (and had a rock growing kit using chemicals) so there’s probably that. However, give folks an inch, they’ll take up half the coastline of California: I’m good at identifying a fake but the average person isn’t and especially not the noob who really just want to get any stone to start their witchy practice. And while there are those who would say, “Why don’t the person just go outside and dig in the dirt? There you go, rocks galore,” you’re not likely to find a Herkimer diamond or phantom quartz or sodalite in your backyard in the middle of Detroit. Hence why folks like me buy stones in physical and digital places.

The information the writer got was from an Ebay seller that recently closed shop that finally decided to share the tricks of the trade of how to spot a fake versus a real rock.

The starting information is about Azeztulite/Satyaloka (I’m not going to quote the whole article since clearly it has been written but merely give my own experiences), which is simply not real. It’s just a milky quartz with the price hiked up way high up. Also, here’s a rule of thumb since this is probably going to come up a lot: if the seller mentions that the rock (or any item of question) comes from a “secret” or “old” pocket or space of any US state or country (the more otherized, the better), it’s probably a fake. It’s very rare this is actually the case. If the orgin story sounds too glamourous to be true, it probably is. For example, I could find really good stones under the Middle River Bridge in Baltimore City, my hometown, buuuut that orgin story wouldn’t sell as well as “found from a secret pocket among the Appalachian mountains region”, which is basically the same thing, jazzed up.

Also, the piece says that rough white quartz is pretty much worthless in price. That’s actually quite true. Remember, not everything that comes from the earth warrants a high price and also remember that high prices are man-made, no rock comes out the ground with a price tag. Usually prices (fair ones) are based on established value delved from location (is it somewhere remote or easy to get to?), ease of acquiring (can you just pick it up off the ground or have to scale a mountain?) usage (can it power something or just be a pretty paperweight?) and rarity (are there a bunch of these scattered around like gravel or is this the only rock you’ve seen like this?). This is why some metaphysical shops will gouge the price of a gem you could purchase from a science-y rock store for less.

Next mentioned are glass crystal points from China. I don’t like the hyper focus on China because geez, it’s becoming yellow scare shorthand for “cheap, worthless, comes a hundred a penny”. Yes, a lot comes from China (it’s a big country, in case no one has noticed) but still, it bugs me. Moving on, buying glass when you thought you were getting crystal certainly sucks. The tell-tale sign, as noted on the piece, is that they’re perfectly clear and quite big but quite cheap. A crystal like that would sell for hundreds, possibly thousands, not ten dollars. If they have fractures, they look odd because they were made with a cloth and a ball peen hammer.

There’s also a common man-made fracture made, as illustrated by the article, by heating the glass and dipping it in room temp water (or cold water), which makes these odd fractures. I think I gotten one myself because it was thrown in when a purchase was made at the Maryland State Fair. It was a clear fake because there was glue on top to keep the “stone” fastened to the holder. Remember, I got it for free, mainly because it wouldn’t sell and the seller wanted to make their payload lighter when it was time to pack up shop.

Here is another “[fake crystal] from China” entry. Y’know, I know China is seen as the king of fakes, partially because of Western orientalism but ummmm, China produces authentic stones as well. Like jade. Not everything in China is fake and other folks in different nations can make dupes as well. It’s not like China (and to a further extent, Nigeria) holds the world population of scammers and frauds. Cons exist everywhere. As for stones, I’ve seen fakies coming straight from New York and LA. Yes, China can make passing fakes but the hyperfocus on them is a bit irksome.

This entry was about colored crystal points. This reminds me of being told once that sapphire is not actually a brilliant blue unless scientifically doctored. Given the picture on the article, it can show how the “quartz” actually is colored glass. If the quartz can remind you of a kitschy glass kitchen bowl, it’s probably fake. That and if you take a close look at the surface, the surface is probably perfect. Crystals, given their creation, are not perfect, especially at a close look. There are teeny ridges and if you look super close, indentures and fragments. And no bubbles.

Finally a fake gem not from China. Here we have fake smoky quartz from the United States, namely Arkansas (and noticed for the US, a state or location gets made. It doesn’t care what region the fakie came from in China, just the fact that it did, which creates the illusion that all of China pumps out fake stuff when really it’s just certain parts). As pictured on the article, it’s a clear quartz that went through a radiation treatment to give the stark black smoky color. If the color is claimed to come from a heat treatment, it’s a lie. On the article, there is a side-by-side analysis of a man made smoky quartz and a real one as well as a short list of how to tell the difference, which is pretty on point.

Afterwards, you have polished quartz being sold as natural. Goodness, here’s the thing about natural, raw quartz: it doesn’t look “perfect”. Natural quartz have sharp, clean lines instead of dull edges and polished crystals are often cut flat on the base. There is also a short list of how to tell the difference between the two, also very good.

There are certainly more features of false stones and how to tell on the article, I would recommend reading, this is pretty much a very cohesive article for when you buy online but also when you purchase in person. Crystals are bought for their qualities as created by their formation, it is not the same to use false stones or materials such as glass. Metaphysics is a lot more than simply the “power of thought”, authentic materials are important.

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Won’t Let Go (But Should)

Filed under: Relationships and Dating, Spells & Potions — 3 Comments
June 8, 2015

For some really weird/stupid reason, people keep asking me to cast spells for them, despite the fact I don’t do pay-for-pray/paid spellcasting for other people and have made that clear a number of times. I don’t personally do it because ethics, but the same people, already showing a major lack in cognitive skills, they think my hard fast ethics will magically disappear if they say, “I’ll pay you”, because listening skills are not prominent in the intellectually redundant. I know I’m American but I lean Socialist, not Capitalist, with my opinions on money. If I say I don’t do paid spellworking, I think you should listen. Besides, paid spellwork costs somewhere around college tuition and most aren’t forking that out, I’m American enough to know that.

This goes double for love spells. Least favorite request (next to body-switching spells, which, as a result, I mercilessly mock), especially spells that try to control another person. It’s stuff like this why A) I don’t do paid spellwork B) Why I never deal with love spells, I’d rather counsel rather than help someone Evel Knievel their love life because love lives are already sticky enough without magick.

And this is where the story/example starts. A dude contacted me because they wanted their wife back. Already, this will be a doozy. At the start, I roll out the basics (click through if too small):

wpid-2015-06-08-09-22-53.png

Usually when people say “I need your help”, especially if they write pretty poorly, it’s usually an eventual request for me to do paid spellwork, which I don’t do. I say that all the time. Alllllllll. The. Tiiiiiiiime.

Continuing on:

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Just to be super basic, I don’t call folks. Yes, there is a Black Witch number but that’s mainly for business, not simply to talk to readers unless it’s super duper necessary, like the person is suicidal or going through a mental breakdown or something. This does not count as super duper necessary. That and I was on a phone call via Kakao to a friend in Korea. I’m not breaking that enjoyable phone call for some person who managed to probably nuke their own relationship.

For starters, the wife left this dude and took the kids with her. And as this convo goes on, I’m gonna put a little tic where this dude basically lacks all listening skills eh, you can probably count for yourself, it’s pretty obvious. And since I don’t do love spells, that means I shift into counselor mode, hence why I asked what did they argue about. The simple fact the dude quickly goes, “We were perfect but then her mom got in the way” pretty fast is definitely an issue. Yeah, there is such thing as meddlesome families but there’s more than one side to every story.

Here comes the issue: “Is there something [you] could do to help fix it so my wife will talk to me again”

I smell a spell request about to happen. And a manipulative one at that.

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As this dude tries to explain (describing endometriosis as merely “a female sickness” is already problematic and distancing, if he said it like that in front of her, that’s one reason why she’d split), it seems that the estranged spouse had a lot going on and simply wanted to cut whatever she felt was possibly adding to her stress. It’s usually never a good sign if someone tells you they fell out of love with you. That’s not something people do lightly.

And here comes the first mention where I say “I can’t do stuff that directly mess with free will” because messing with free will is bad, especially in magick. Now, everyone, why I especially don’t do it in love spells is because controlling others is abusive, regardless of how it happens. Forcing people to come back to you is never good, even if you miss them a lot. Because, if you want them back simply because you lost them and not because you figured out how you screwed up and want to make things right, then you don’t really want them back for them but for you and your bruised ego, heart and pride.

Alright, moving on:

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This dude starts to get a wee bit confusing. First time he mentioned that they weren’t spending a whole lot of time together, it sounded like the (ex)wife was making the claim. Now it seems dude is trying to back-peddle a little. That’s suspicious. And if it is the case of me simply derping out, if it is him who wants them to more time with each other, and she’s parted ways, maybe he’s starting to show an obsessive side…y’know, more than he already is.

This dude is super hardheaded, to be honest. This is a first of a buuuuuunch of times that I say “you can’t force her”. Because you can’t. If she wants to be gone, she wants to be gone, plain and simple. Yes, it hurts but life isn’t easy. And I get really confused also about how this dude somehow never knows what his soon-to-be ex is doing but somehow still knows updates about her life despite being somehow cut off from everyone who talks to her. That and how he bounced between “no one speaks to her, she’s basically alone” and “oh, they talk to her but not to me.”

Also, holmes shows a stunning lack of listening skills (which, mind you, are vital in a relationship) because despite the fact I said that I’m not doing any spellwork, he keeps asking. If you’re going to hardline like that, no wonder she left. It’s a really self-centered move to basically sidestep something someone says just because you don’t agree with what you hear. You can’t just ask the same question over and over in hopes a “no” will turn into a “yes”. It’s badgering.

And here comes the mother being somehow evil and masterminding the breakup. Somehow, I’m not buying this. Yes, meddlesome relatives are very much a thing but I don’t think that is what murdered this relationship.

Screenshot_2015-05-30-08-14-56-1Or the (ex)wife’s sister. The plot thickens!

This dude’s telling me that he never got along with her family (who she is close with so of course their opinion of him matters because she cares) and they never talked about it? That is a super dunce move because you basically have a live mine laying around buried in your relationship, quietly laying in wait. Everyone, if you have something like this TALK ABOUT IT. Because it will bubble up somehow, some way. Ignoring a problem won’t fix it. What this dude is calling “negativity” and “they just don’t like me” could very well simply be the mom and sis telling the (ex)wife that maaaaaaybe this dude ain’t so charming. I doubt they meddle in every relationship this chick has ever had because they’re from Cinderella’s step family.

Brah, what the flying fu- “She got a good man”?! Brah think he’s Will Smith or Barack Obama or something. Here’s the main difference between him and them: they still got their wives and don’t have to beg anyone to make them come back. Painting himself as the victimized, hard-working husband is super annoying because it usually never works out that way. In disintegrating relationships, it’s a two way street, usually. And, everyone, remember that the most common denominator of all your failed relationships are you. If everyone has divorced themselves from this dude and basically alienated him but not her, that’s saying something. And notice how the narrative changes from “she don’t talk to nobody/nobody talks to her” to “everyone sides with her, I get blocked out”?

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I know one other person who was in a relationship with someone who had. My guy friend was a lot more understanding than this dude. Also didn’t frame it so poorly. Plus, it sounds like the relationship was dying out for this dude.

Also…Math time!!

They’re both 28, known each other for 8 years (since they were both 20), married for 6 months and got separated for two months after that in those 8 years…

It would be rude to laugh but this is a looooooooong time to accuse a relationship going sour because of meddling. Even Othello wasn’t that long. If your relationship is crashing after a near decade, maaaaaaaaaybe it isn’t outside meddling alone because it should be strong enough to overcome that at the near ten-year point. That and both of you should have gotten used to (with air quotes) her family treating the dude like he’s Scott Pilgrim. And it should have been a point of discussion sometime within those eight years.

But wait…the kiddo is 7. This don’t sound like a “friendship” because while friends share many things, kids right after they initially meet aren’t one of them. Taking the usual 9 month pregnancy into account, it seems like they met, screwed about, wound up with a kid. Since Mississippi sucks on the whole “abortion is an ok option/god won’t hate you/here’s useful birth control methods” thing, this couple decided to wing it with this near-new stranger they just had a kid with. Stuff like this is part of why I sometimes rather counsel queer relationships because, like Dan Savage said, “gay people can’t get drunk one night and adopt.” I feel like if a kid was not involved, none of this would be happening.

This is not exactly a perfect situation. Chances are, the chick saw things were just not working out and ducked. At least she’s stable enough to get her an apartment for her and her kids while this dude is chillin with an aunt.

Since this guy is annoying, I mainly suggested bay leaves because bay leaves are good for luck and fortune. This is simply to boost his luck, not be a magic bullet that forces his (ex)wife to come back to him because, remember, I’m big on free will in relationships. Since this guy is pretty crap at following directions, thus it was a lot of “Yes, do [thing I just said]”, we’ll skip that screenshot.

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Notice that despite the fact I said that the bay leaves are just supposed to boost his luck, he still is asking time and time again if this will immediately fix his relationship. And time and time again, I keep saying, “if it is meant to be, sure” because that’s basically it. I am not going to suggest anything manipulative. Because that’s wrong. I don’t want this dude doing any magick on his wife because he doesn’t have her consent, for one. And for two, he’s not going to cast anything that actually benefits her, just him alone. Thaaaaat’s not love.

Also, here’s a protip: magick is usually subtle. What did this guy expect? That he would burn the bay leaves and immediately his (ex)wife would call him, swearing up and down that she made a mistake and will never leave him again? Naaaaaah, that ain’t how it’s going to work. I intended that. Plus, controlling will is not exactly newbie work and he’s beyond n00b. Still, it’s wrong tho.

Skipping another round of “Yes, do [thing I just said]”, let’s go to the screenshot after that.

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Here comes the dude going on the defensive about how things get bad and basically say “She needs to change, I’m fine as is”. Now, it’s not everyday people are going to be meta and objective about themselves but this is just ridiculous. If you think you’re perfectly fine and the partner needs to change, just let them go. If I have to pry a “But what will you do to help keep up the relationship should it ever come back together” answer, maaaaaybe you should just leave this person be.

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And here comes the really derpy thinking that a “good man” is basically “one that doesn’t cheat or physically abuse”. That doesn’t make you a good husband, you’re supposed to not hit or cheat on your significant other. That’s pretty basic. That doesn’t constitute “good significant other”, that’s the baseline you’re supposed to build upon, end of story.

Considering all of this, even though he likes to blame the mom a lot, I don’t think she is the main reason why she is gone. If anything, I think I’m talkin to ’em.

Skipping a few posts because it’s the same go around because, wow, this guy is hardheaded, I even suggested the dude read Dr. Nerdlove, who has written three, great pieces, including one recently(oh wait, a newer one! That makes four!), about dead/dying relationships. Dude wouldn’t listen because there’s no “How to make someone who doesn’t love you anymore love you again” article.

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And here comes the granddaddy derp of them all: the “cuz she’s my woman” defense! Dude thinks it’s ok to control people if you’re married to them. I think he took that “love, honor and obey” part way too seriously (do people still say the last bit?). Um, no. The (ex)wife is still an individual, her own person. It doesn’t matter if she is his wife, if she wants to make her own choices, she should be able to. To be with someone who thinks otherwise, they may as well not even get married since that person clearly haven’t moved on from the “property” concept of marriage. Kind of sh*tty concept for the 1500s, really sh*tty concept when you hit the 2000s. She don’t wanna love him for anything, and definitely not for him. She proved that when she walked out the door and blocked him everywhere. And everyone is working in concert with her to make sure he doesn’t know where she is.

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As much as I would have liked to have said this convo ended here, it continued on for a way while longer. This dude needs to simply move on and have a hard think on what makes a relationship “good”. In all honesty, it sounds like an accident with a super long lasting effect. (Remember, safe and consensual sex is great!) And the fact he wanted a controlling love spell to get her back is part of why I don’t do paid spellwork and why I’m vehemently against inflicting on free will. Usually, spells like these aren’t with the estranged’s best interests in mind, it’s usually for a selfish reason. People have to decide for themselves, not have someone wrench that away from them. I’m going to take it that if she doesn’t want to talk to him after 8 years of knowing him, she probably has a very good reason.

Actually, after talking to this dude, I have a strong feeling she had a really good reason. I doubt if she could ask me anything, it would be him coming back to her. She moved on, he should, too.

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Know Your Facts

Filed under: Pagan Life, Spells & Potions — Leave a comment
February 13, 2015

I did Huffington Post yesterday about Paganism in regards to sex and sexuality. To be frank, it was a pretty crappy experience given that despite the fact I explicitly asked for a diverse panel, I still wound up being the only minority there (hate that) and I barely got any airtime at that. Due to that, I’m not really sure I wanna post the link because I barely showed in it and it really wasn’t what I thought it would be, to be frank. I thought I would be talking in general about the concept of sex and sexuality in Paganism and probably give an opinion about 50 Shades of Gray and how Paganism have a take on BDSM, so on and so forth. Not some near hyperfocus on polyamory and the Great Rite.  And I have nooooooo idea how Valentine’s came from Lupercalia. I was told of St. Valentine and that was it. This is almost like when the Boondocks had that super mental depiction of the Pagan history of Christmas, y’know, the wildly inaccurate version. Valentine’s wasn’t even associated with romance until Chaucer in 14th century. With these thoughts in mind, I’m just not gonna post the link because I definitely didn’t like the experience so I don’t see much point in promoting it.

Without fail, people write to me asking for spellwork, usually asking specifically for “black magick” because the fact they couldn’t read my site for longer than the title shows the illiteracy and idiocy these people bear. Pro tip: When writing to me, research is your best friend. Otherwise, I’m just going to be snarky because, hey, not like I’ve got anything better to do when dealing with the seemingly intellectually incapacitated. Thanks to the internet and the invention of search engines (including the one on my website), the average person has little to no excuse for not being at least marginally informed before talking to me.

The thing is, I strongly dislike being asked to do stuff with the assumption that I’ll do them. For instance, I just had a person who wanted some “black magic” to help a friend with a physical ailment that rendered them to a child-like mental capacity after an episode. Already, I’m not too keen to help because as I’ll say a million times – I don’t practice black magick (well, what is considered “black magick” since magick, much like electricity is neutral). I ask about what the doctor says and the person completely sidesteps that pretty important question and gets into begging mode and said that she was recommended to my site by someone else. Too bad that recommending person forgot to explicitly tell her to read my site so she knew exactly what to ask for and why the site is called Black Witch. (Free hint: it has something to do with my race. Shocking, I know.) Since even her most rudimentary schooling failed her (they still do teach investigative skills, critical thinking and research skills in school, right? I know the American education system is horrendous but wow.), I explained that even if I was the spell-casting-for-others type (I’m not.), she wouldn’t be advanced enough handle any spellwork/witchy stuff that would be useful to her situation. At all. And she still didn’t explain why she thought I did black magick exclusively despite me never saying that I have.

Person gets upset and says the classic: I know more about magick than you think and maybe you’re not a real witch.

Yep, every emo kiddo who doesn’t get what they want says this without fail or pause. Firstly, if she knew anything about magick, she would have known that usually “Black magick” is in reference to causing harm. Which, if she’s being honest about her request, that she wants her friend to return back to normal, then asking specifically for “black magick” isn’t exactly what she wants, is it? More importantly, she had no clue to that witchcraft comes with various branches, it’s not all muttering stuff at a stick of incense and a candle. Like, herbology. Since friend has a physical ailment, not a mental or psychosomatic ailment, it needs a more physical branch of witchcraft. Balance is everything: Physical/tangible problems should be met with physical/tangible solutions, metaphysical (which means “beyond/transcends the physical”, mind you) problems should be met with metaphysical solutions. It would have been very different if the person just emailed and said something along the lines of “My friend went through [abc issue] and now she [has reduced mental capacity]. I don’t know but I think herbs or some potion would help. Do you have any suggestion?” That would have shown a) a cursory knowledge of witchcraft b) exactly what the potential solution could be but still foggy on the details thus why asking. Notice the lack of mention of whatever color magick, therefore the lack of me wanting to snark. Because, hey, here’s an honest question. I don’t expect Ph. D-level questions but I do expect people do their homework before parking their letters into my inbox. At least I could give say, “sounds like you need an herbologist, here are the cautions of doing it all by yourself and here’s how to find an herbologist and how to talk to the doctor and family about it.”

A reduced mental capacity that resulted from a physical ailments would need the herbology branch of witchcraft…which is why I initially asked what the doctor said about the friend’s condition in the first response. There’s no way in hades I’m pointing this person to herbs or whatever for her to play doctor/herbologist by herself because she could potentially kill said friend. Nature is not a loving creature nor is inherently safe. Eat nightshade or hemlock if you don’t believe me. To be a great herbologist, you have to know biology, chemistry, biochem, modern medicine, botany. They have to know as much as a doctor does and herbal uses on top of that. That’s years of training because which is crucial for something like the person asked about because a reduced mental capacity refers to a cerebral condition. This is way beyond taking ginger or lavender to soothe an achy stomach or rose hips for cramps. A condition like this means that something is damaged inside the brain and thus needs to heal, which takes time and due diligence, regardless of whatever method taken because everything from the affected person’s diet to what med they’re taking, age, weight and more counts. Crucial information that the person decided to acutely sidestep because she didn’t know that medicine has roots in potions and herbology.

It’s remarkably annoying when dealing with random people who feel they have to put on an act. I really don’t care what Llewelyn books you read or if you bought the mini tarot kit from Barnes and Nobles, if you don’t talk like you have sense, I’m probably not going to be the most helpful or kindest person you’ve met this week by far. As I say a million times over: Do your research. With the internet, you have practically no excuse – there’s even a search engine on my website. Research why I refer to myself as “Black Witch” (that’s not really “research” as “gleaning from the glaringly obvious from the subtitle of ‘life from the Black Pagan perspective’ and the picture in the About Me section”), my general stances on whatever you’re about to ask me about to see if it’s even worth penning to me, make sure that your writing skills are somewhere beyond “drunkly made ransom note” and “pre-school grammar knowledge”.  So know your facts because I’m not going to care otherwise. But I will be snippy.

Next week is The Arts!:

– There She Is!
– Skip
– Power Rangers (Parody short film)

The week after that is Ask Black Witch. Send in your questions! Good questions are appreciated, bad questions are eviscerated!

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Swap of Thinking

Filed under: Pagan Life, Spells & Potions — Leave a comment
January 17, 2015

Before getting into this post, I would like to say check out the new hand bound hardback Lightning Bolt journal in the Black Witch Shoppe. The bolt glows in the dark and the journal has 120 pgs. Check it out!

Onwards and forwards to the post.

Seems like I get body swap requests way too often, especially from people who are pretty neglectful to read that:

  1. a) I don’t do spell requests/pay-for-pray. Period.
  2. b) I really don’t like being asked for body swaps

Mainly people who ask me for body swaps don’t get a really nice response from me because I’m a fan of research before asking. And I have a search engine on my website, one that works pretty well. Anyone who did would have probably have seen that I don’t do body swap spells and they would save themselves being insulted thoroughly if they just looked elsewhere. Or just talked to a doctor if they want to be transgendered.

The reason I don’t like body swap spells is because usually the people who ask are pretty full of themselves to assume that I’m just going to do this one, teeny weeny, major spell for them. For free. Which, considering what they’re asking for, is the most idiotic thing to assume ever. It’s like expecting to get a Maybach for free because you asked the dealer. Pesteringly. Even I did paid spellwork, it would be so insanely expensive because A) spells are expensive, particularly bigger ones and B) bigger, high risk spells are expensive enough to make college look dollar-store cheap. No one who is asking me is most likely capable to afford it or they would have gone a different route. Trust me, if they’re not smart enough to understand when I say “I don’t do paid spellwork for anyone, at all”, they probably are not sitting in jobs or positions that would pay them enough money to afford it. Those jobs at least would require a shred of intelligence, at least an IQ that hovers some spaces above “paint-drinker”, regardless of field. It would just be cheaper to consult a doctor for being transgendered – if that’s their aim. Though, judging what people write to me, that definitely seems to not be the case.

The askers tend to be selfish about the person they want to swap with, because that person has no idea this is even going on. The asker is completely disregarding with a friend or stranger’s emotions and opinions on the subject. Wow, that’s really…inconsiderate. And they paint themselves as in such a rush, they even say it’s urgent. Dude, there’s nothing urgent about body swapping that you have to nag a person who says they don’t do them at all. There’s mundane solutions for whatever problem they think they have. It would bear a lot more fruit than simply annoying me, a person who doesn’t do any body swapping anything.

If they just want to see the world through someone else’s perspective, maybe they should just learn empathy. That would pose a lot less potential for screw ups (spells sometimes do go wrong. Not often but there is a degree of error. Nothing is infallible). If they want to see what it’s like as a different gender, parade online and on gaming forums as the opposite gender. If you’re a dude, parade as a girl. If you’re a girl, parade as a dude. That should be an experience. The dude is probably going to find reason to as why gender studies and feminism exist, the girl is probably going to see that borrowing male privilege can be useful…but guys are really sexist and rapey-sounding in how they talk and the jokes they make. So she learns nothing entirely new, just got new examples to back them.

I just strongly dislike when people ask me “I want a body swap spell. Now,” because they refuse to do the most basic research to discern if I would even do this for starters (I won’t) and assuming that nagging me will work. Even trying to say “Oh, I have money!” that they don’t have as if my stance on “I don’t do paid spell work” will magically change if one tried to pay me. Seriously, I find it pretty daft and irritating because it could be very easily avoided.

So, no I don’t do body swap spells. Never have, never did. No reason for me to do them, nor do I care. Especially not for others. I don’t do paid spellwork, I don’t like to. I don’t even do spellwork for others. Keeps my load light and less people bother me with their problems. I help people will their spellwork, oh sure, but do it for them? Nope.

Next week is The Arts! Since I didn’t do the language one last month, I’ll do it this month!

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Bitter Nails

Filed under: Pagan Life, Spells & Potions — Leave a comment
November 14, 2014

So, I collect rusted nails.

I live near a funeral home so there’s a bounty of coffin nails laying around but I prefer the naturally rusted ones. Reason? I’m not really the jinxing or binding type but it is nice to have in storage in the Magick cabinet. I horde stuff, it’s a thing.

Using magick to stop or punish wrongdoing isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Keyword: “Necessarily”. It’s easy to be overruled by emotions and to think that you’re right and they’re wrong and with the aid of some black salt and rusted nails, all will be right with the world again. Even if you’re in the wrong. Face it, everyone thinks they’re the hero in their own story, even the villain so it can all be a matter of perspective. This is why I prefer more karmic magick, even if it has a bit of a punishing lean to it. And this is also why I don’t do pay-for-pray/paid spellwork, it’s really amazing what crucial info people leave out when they want to hire out revenge. I mean that in the most sarcastic way possible, seriously, you almost want to advocate people buy guns instead.

Rusted nails are useful in binding and karmic spells still because they still can represent a problem or a problem person. However, it’s best to go with “problem” in oppose to “problem person” unless you are 184% sure it is them, irrefutable proof included (as in, you saw with your own eyes, pretty much) because red herrings and fall guys exist. A lot. The rusted nail can be hammered down, isolated, bound up in twine or wire, submerged in mixture, whatever is needed as it houses the representational energy of whatever is the problem.

Now, a word for why I prefer karmic spells over hexes and jinxes (in most cases) is because the universe (or whichever judge-like deity or entity you’re summoning) becomes the judge and they see/know all. At least to an extent greater than mortals do, we still can’t get over the fact we come in darker shades and that’s a pretty basic non-problem. There is a myriad of reasons why whatever happened to you did happen, some may be more obvious than others, even if the reason is “no reason/luck ran out”. Life isn’t perfect or fair. Also, no one is 100% innocent, there’s a chance you’re getting retribution for something you did, even if it is unrelated. That’s what karmic spells are good for. So the actual bad guy can be punished, even if the bad guy is you.

Does this mean that I’m anti-hex? Nah, not entirely. Jinxing can be used as protection in terms of self defense (and being upset someone forgot to put cheese on your cheeseburger doesn’t count as self defense but jinxing a street harasser or creeper is perfectly fine, if not encouraged) but mainly in self defense. Anything else is not necessary and better for just a karmic spell because for all that bears out in reality, they may not have really wronged you, you just might see it that way. Which isn’t fair.

So, I’ll keep collecting rusted nails. Maybe one day I’ll have to use them. Y’know, again.

Ok, that’s all for the BW for today but did you know that I will participating on the online “Activism Among Pagans of Color” panel for PACO, Pagan Activism Conference Online. The panel will be on November 22nd starting at 12 PM PST. Learn more about it here. The whole online conference costs $40 but the panel is $10 and if you can’t pay, PACO can help. Click the link for more info.

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Why Not To Do Spellwork

Filed under: Pagan Life, Spells & Potions — Leave a comment
September 16, 2014

Alright, time for more Witchier writings! Gotta bring some balance back to the site or it will be all gender and race issues. That in and of itself isn’t a bad thing but that’s not 100% what this site is about (About 50%, 60+% when I super feel like it). Besides, if I posted more regularly on race and gender, it would only be a matter of time before White allies would just thieve my work to boost their own visibility. Can’t be having that. And also can’t be having folks forget that I practice witchcraft and my site’s name isn’t an attempt at being edgy.

So today, let’s talk about the wrong reasons to get into spellwork.

Now, of course, there are the basics of why not to get into spellwork so here they are:

– Revenge
– To look/be different
– To control others
– To pass the time

Let’s break these down further:

Revenge: Hexes seem really convenient when you don’t know anything about them, I’m sure. Now, I’m not entirely anti-hex (I’m more for “grey magick”) but if the only reason you see usefulness in practicing magick is to jinx people left and right for wronging you, that’s not good. You’re not defending yourself (which is different), you’re just going at people who you feel wronged you, even though it could actually be you who is in the wrong. And that’s part of the whole point, being vengeful when really, it could be you who is the bad guy. It’s important to try to be objective whenever possible and use mundane ways to react to people who crossed you or at the very least, do grey magick such as karma spells so if that person is in the wrong, they’ll get their just desserts and if it is actually you who is wrong, then the yoke will be on you instead. Otherwise, don’t do it.

To Look/Be Different: How hipster. And annoying. You’re not showing any respect towards metaphysics and let’s be honest, you don’t care much either way. The part that is problematic is that these folks tend to be major psuedo-intellectuals on the subject and oh man do they spew such nonsense, one could ride a surfboard on it. Here’s the thing about spellworking: it requires a lot of heavy reading and none of that is Harry Potter or Twilight. Yes, imitating what you saw in The Craft is great fashion-wise but that’s pretty much it. Trying to impress random people by saying “Oooooh, I do spells, I’m so spoooooooky!” is pretty annoying.

To Control Others: This is bad, even if you were doing it in a mundane way. Remember, if it is wrong for mundane ways, it’s wrong in magick. Want to get a date? There’s a spell for that. Want to force someone to love you? There’s a spell for that. Only one of them are morally acceptable and it isn’t the forcing one. Gotta have free will, kiddo. It’s important. Being controling isn’t good at all. Just because it can be done doesn’t mean it isn’t wrong.

To pass the time: It’s one thing when you’re a practiced witch and you’re doing magick because you’re bored out of your skull and thinking, “Hey, some random pope used to summon entities and spirits for teh lolz, I should try that,”* it’s another thing altogether to try magick just because you’re bored. That’s called “dabbling”. Don’t do it. Ever. Spellwork is a practice, not a simple hobby.

Spellworking can be pretty intense (especially when things go wrong and then things go really wrong.) It would be wise to simply get into it due to a natural, intrinsic pull in opposed to trying to look different or because your current life feels boring and thing that knowing spells would liven things up.** There’s a lot of work that goes into spellcasting, it’s important to respect that and to be earnest about getting into spellworking as you grow your information about it and start doing it more and more. And for the love of the gods, don’t do spellwork just because Halloween/Samhain is coming around. That is so not cool. And unbelievably corny. Even I don’t do magick around Halloween/Samhain.

*I can neither confirm or deny that I have done this. However, I am glad I have a Nintendo 3DS now.
** It doesn’t, my life is still boring.

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Not Buying It

Filed under: Spells & Potions — 2 Comments
May 4, 2014

So, I had quite a week  and due to that week, I think it is best to reiterate this really basic fact and rule about Black Witch:

I. Don’t. Do. Paid. Spellwork. At. All.

So stop asking for it. Especially for body switch spells. I don’t know why but that is the biggest request I’ve gotten in regards to spellwork. While I’m all for understanding the perspectives of others, there’s ways to go about it that doesn’t involve playing out Body Snatchers.

I got an email from a random person and as spell requests usually are, there’s no manners whatsoever. I mean, if you’re going to ask for spells, the least you can do is be a little polite. Y’know, just a scooch. I don’t need overbearing politeness but some civil decency wouldn’t kill anyone.

In an email with “I need a spell fast” in all caps in the subject line (this is how you can usually tell you’re about to be annoyed by the content of the email, capslock writing), inside it reads:

“I really need to switch bodies with someone im a girl and I wanna switch with a girl will you PLEASE do it”

Notice the over-demanding nature of the request and the implication that I’d do it for free since she’s desperate to switch bodies with a girl a lot more than she is about talking to the girl about whatever differences they have.

My response

“Another switch bodies spell request. Why on earth would you need this and what makes you think I’d be the one to do it?”

Seriously, why? And why do people flock to me for these requests? I don’t hear other witches getting this particular request. And why did this person not just research a little bit to find that I don’t do spell requests and that I generally mock folks who ask for body switching requests because generally they’re ridiculous. Just like the phony people who try to spam my comment section with “[So-and-so quack/fake witch doctor] healed my [problem that I probably am at the center of], you can contact him here [so you, too, can be scammed]”.

“I really need to switch bodies with my friends it is IMPORTANT please please please help me a lot people told me u did spell for them I can’t tell u why be cuz if I do I just can’t but please can you do it for me I’ll ow u bing time please”

Nice question dodge because this tells me nothing. This person must use it on their parents often. I have done magick long enough and dealt with people long enough that if you’re asking for something possibly ridiculous from a stranger, you’re probably going to have go to into the backstory. Especially if you’re going to initially approach the person so impolitely and with such poor writing skills. I don’t think there’s a single period or comma in that whole quote up there and I’m just copy and pasting. And she’ll owe me “bing” time? Dude, that’s sounds like a bait and switch right there and she sounds young with saying it because. dude, this stuff isn’t on a favor system.

“This is ridiculous. No way. What a bad question.”

It is a bad question. It would have been smart of her to stop communications here but newp.

“Why won’t you do It please do you want money how much are you even a witch because I read online about people doing it please”

This is where I thought, “How stupid are you?” because where on my site have I ever said I did pay-for-pray and dude, can’t she freakin read? I don’t do pay for pray. She should be begging a reading comprehension teacher for their time not me. And calling my validity into question just because I won’t do as you ask is both dimwitted and incredibly bratty. And she thinks I’m going to agree to anything after this?

“Reasons:
1) Request is frankly stupid, a body switching spell? What for?
2) I don’t do spells for others. That’s been mentioned on my site, read it
3) Spell this size cost thousands, something you most likely don’t have
4) Just because you read others doing it on the internet doesn’t mean I do it, you should go to them for tips
5) Reason #1, I felt it was worth mentioning twice.

Instead of wondering whether I’m a witch or not, you should just stop begging or at least read how I treat body switching spell requests on my site.”

I figured list form would help her near non-existent literacy comprehension skills. It’s short, brief and you gotta be dumber than a bucket of paint to not get it.

“I do have thousands to give you for It and if I was you I would do it I still do see the reason for you not to do it I understand that you don’t do if for other but it and emergency please please can you even do spells I don’t think you really can”

She doesn’t get it.

And what a phony liar, any kid that claim they got dough like that isn’t being honest. It’s either a fib or mommy’s/daddy’s money they’re blowing through (which should have been spent on a language arts tutor). And trust, a body switching spell is not an emergency. And if it was and I just don’t get it, welp, she ain’t say nothing. What am I to do if she doesn’t explain her situation?

“Refer to reason 2. Read that part til you thoroughly understand it. If it still doesn’t make sense, grab a friend and have them explain it to you.

I don’t do spells for others, plain and simple. Since you have such astounding amounts of money, waste it on someone or something else.”

How dumb/illiterate could this girl be? I said it really plain and simple, no big words or any complex sentences. I thought it made sense. Even put it in list form and not even a big list to keep confusion at a low. And again, if she was that stacked, why stay on me when you can move on to someone else. Like the shifty, crack-pot non-witch doctors that try to post in the comments. They’d love to take and run off with those thousands of dollars, I’m sure.

“Ok just to let you know fake witch my uncles a website person a person that reviews websites and she if they need to be shut down just say but whatever RUDE”

Ah, here comes the name calling because I’m not bending to some bratty and potentially stuck up young person’s will annnnnnnnd pretending you have power, even if none of it is your own. Dude, a person who reviews websites does not exactly have the power to shut a website down. That doesn’t even make much sense. And I doubt her uncle will do anything because his niece’s feelings are hurt since someone told them “No.” Being told “no” is not a bad thing, her parents should have tried it once in a while when they were raising her. Snarky but firm is what I’m being but she’s the one who started out rude.

“Dude, you were rude from the very first email being super demanding. Being moody and incoherent here won’t help you further.”

It won’t. And is punctuation lost on this person?

“We’ll i apologize if I came out rude this spell just means soo much to me so I’m sorry������������������������������”

Those question marks are all emoticons, they’re supposed to be crying faces and such. I can tell this person probably use this on their parent a lot to get out of trouble. Look, again, if you’re going to be that abrupt in speaking, you might as well start talking about your backstory to why this spell is so “important” that you decided to do no research about the person you asked. This person ain’t sorry about nothin.

“Thank you but I’m still not budging on my hardfast rule.”

Yeah, finding threadbare manners  at the last moment still won’t make me budge on a hardfast move. I don’t even do spells for friends, what shot did this person think they had?

“That’s fine but do you know anyone I can talk to who can maybe ask to do what i want”

Really? Really? Really? Yeah, like I’d send you off to some friend who possibly has less patience than me.

“Nope.”

They’d prolly would say something that would get them hexed, not helped, if I sent them to someone else.

Now, this person should have known better. I don’t treat anyone who ask for body switching spells well at all because I couldn’t hear a stupider request – wait, I could but right now, this is taking home the medal for idiotic. Plain and simple, I don’t do pay for pray and that’s a solid rule. So everyone should be on the same page of what I don’t like and the wrong way to ask for something. Now, the person could have been sweet as sugar and I still would have said “no” because , again, hardfast rule but at least I would have much better explained to her that I don’t do that kind of spell work and don’t know anyone else who would be willing to do it.

Anyone else that asks for spellwork to be done on their behalf, you’re going to receive the same ridicule this person did so I would highly recommend not bothering to ask.

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