Black Witch

Written by Kristen S for the Black Diamonds and Pearlsseries on Black Witch. Normal BW posting resumes in October.

“… all those people are white.” Were the first words my mother, who is Caucasian, said when I showed her my new favorite fashion, lolita. This did not surprise me. My life was a balancing act. Race though usually downplayed and avoided in my family was an issue that would arise every once in a while to make everyone uncomfortable. My mother wanted me to have the best of each side of my heritage. She always made it a point to introduce me to a broad scope of interests and activates. She was cautious but usually tried to remain unbiased when I would form a liking to something that was of interest to predominately white or predominately black people.

I first discovered Lolita fashion during my junior year in high school, 2002. One of my friends in Japanese class had introduced me to his favorite Japanese rock bands. One of the bands I particularly formed a liking to was Malice Mizer. I went home and searched for pictures and more music by this band. I thought some of Mana’s outfits were adorable and wished that there were cute dresses like that in my local stores. I could not let it rest at that though. I had to know if there were actual stores that made similar clothing. I found some pictures and then a few brand stores. I was hooked on this cute and fluffy fashion ever since.

My mother never expressed any disapproval toward the appearance of the clothing. Nor did she ask if this fashion was college age appropriate. Her only concern was the race of the people that wore this fashion. I could care less of what people thought about my looks or fashion sense. But my mother was always worrying that people might think I was only raised in only mainstream Caucasian ideals. I, however, don’t think there should not be a stigma about people of color wearing alternative fashions. Yes, it was an oddity back in the 80s or 90s, but nowadays people are slightly more open-minded. I frequently see black punks and goths as well as Caucasian and Indian dressed like rappers. Fabric, thread, zippers, buttons, and toggles do not have a racial preference.

I personally believe becoming a lolita has made me happier. I was dissatisfied with the prominent and more societally acceptable fashions. Clothes marketed for tall women were always risqué, boyish, sporty, or homely. And I had no desire to be categorized as any of those. I always wished to be called cute and lolita was just what I was looking for. I do not find that being black has hindered my ability to be a lolita. I have been scoffed at by a few lolita because of my skin color. I even had a few blog followers unfriend me when they found out I was mixed. But I have yet to receive a negative comment about my skin color from a normal of any nationality. I have even written about one of my favorite encounters I had while wearing Lolita on my blog. A little African American girl was at the aquarium with her father. She had a T-shirt that read ‘Forget being a princess, I want to be the President’. She came running over to shake my hand and to take a picture with me. After thanking me she walked away for her father and I heard her say “Daddy, I want to be a princess too.”

Over the years I have become interested in himegyaru fashion. I find that style cute and a little coquettish. I have also become interested in the Eoljjang or Ulzzang look. I do not have any worries about what the participants of these styles will think about my skin color. These are always going to be people sore about something. They are wasting their precious time being negative, but I plan to enjoy myself in everything I do.

Kristen S. runs her own Lolita blog Princessly Living.

Next Friday is the very last post for the Black Lolitas series Black Diamonds and Pearls. It’s The Arts and there I will name plenty of shops, blogs and other things lolita!

Written by Amani for the Black Diamonds and Pearls series. Normal BW posting resumes in Oct.

Hello~ Amani here.

I am a lolita, born and raised in Brooklyn, NYC, and I’ve been into the style and active in the online & local communities since 2006-2007. I’m currently studying Event Planning and Design, working a full-time job, while moderating online groups such as New York Lolitas on Facebook, NYC Lolitas and Lalolitas on Livejournal. Getting into the Lolita style was a choice of mine that really ended up impacting me, helping me develop myself and open new doors throughout the years.

I was born the ‘oddball’ out of my family– besides my romanticist ways, and my tendency to dress up like this overdressed doll, I am the darkest out of my maternal siblings. My white German grandmother and my AA grandfather married 53 years ago, and had this new generation of light-skinned kids, and later on my mom had her own kids and all of them came out just as fair. Except me of course.

By the time I got into lolita, I had long passed that insecurity phase, where “I wish I was light-skinned too!/had a nose like mom/had straighter hair/etc.!” However, as a kid I never really understood why I had to be different. When I was tiny, people thought I was boarding a bus alone until they realized my mother was right there beside me, and in elementary school I felt some people were distant from me because back then I lived with my grandmother. Besides, what the hell was genetics back in 2^nd grade?

Looking back at my life so far, I realized that I never really belonged to the groups I tried to mingle with, whether it was throughout school, or when I got my first Facebook and was attempting to be active in black-centered discussion groups. A lot of people, the generic black person especially, could never understand or accept the fact that you were interested in things different from the norm. ‘What, you’re obsessed with the Victorian Era? When black people were zoo exhibits, right?’ ‘Oh you’re into Japanese culture… you must be insecure.’ ‘lol why do you point out that you’re part German? YOU’RE DENYING YOUR BLACKNESS’– and I kid you not, I usually had these responses at the end of a supposedly serious debate. I was never the type of person who would do “BLACK” things for the sake of being ‘black enough’… for me, personally, the color of my skin was never much of a lifestyle inspiration for me (at first, anyways), compared to things I grew up with, things that were more connected to me through my closest cultural identity, which is my German bloodline. I’ve always pushed away the notion of “getting back into my roots” because as far as I know the rest of my family were descendants of black slaves– but then I had these random people sporting natural locks and ‘fros and Mother Africa paraphernalia, trying to rip me down, telling me to learn random African dances and to embrace something that I don’t even know? Get out of here!

Do not get me wrong, no offense towards those who do choose to have an Afrocentric lifestyle. Keep doing you because you do what you love, you love how you look, and it’s a passion for you! For me though, I love the frills, and I love being a black lady in frills. I don’t keep myself in a bubble either, I’m also interested in many ethnic or culture-based styles and food and music, from all the corners of the world.

That being said, if you want your identity as a black person to make an impact, then make it the reason to go sky high– and higher. The color of your skin should not put a cap on your education, on your career, your family, and definitely not your personal style! Your style is a visual interpretation of you, and I ask you hold fast to certain things, you’ll get respect and props for it, no matter how much your mother hates it, or how the random group of kids look at you.

There should not be a social expectation on how you want to live your life, based off of any physical feature you may have, especially your skin color and social background. Dark complexion is only skin deep unless you make it otherwise; it’s only ugly if you  think it to be, and it’s a hindrance if you choose for it to be. I am not ignoring the racial struggle in certain settings, but when you conform to a certain mindset or a way of living because it’s expected of you or it’s what everyone around you is doing, well… that’s when you lose the game. I find a lot of young people (myself included, at first) base their own lives around a particular thing, never really try to live and observe and take in your surroundings on different levels. Some always have this tendency of placing themselves around a particular thing and making themselves a part of it, rather than vice versa; making things your own, building your life and setting them in place.

When I started dressing in lolita, my little 16-17 year old self was sporting simple tank tops and jeans, my hair a frizzy fried mess, never caring about my appearance. At that point in time I was also going through the teenage angst, the family drama, and I was lost in myself and it affected my schoolwork and the way I lived my life. The spirit of elegance, of modesty and child-like wonder breathed through the images I looked at in the magazines. Lolita was a dream for me, it felt like the purest, most innocent form of escapism, and I wanted to go there.

I wanted to be in it so badly…  I was working my first job when I bought my first dress, and the feeling of being financially able to get what I want on my own was sweet as honey, despite the sweat and tears I had to literally shed that summer. Gazing at that Baby, the Stars Shine Bright logo and feeling the softness of the lace was all it took for reality to melt away. I didn’t have no sense of style whatsoever (matching socks and shoes, what?) but back then I could care less. Simply wearing the clothes was more than enough for me to feel fulfilled. From there I began to meet people, become more active and doing things with myself that I’ve never done before, and down the line I also had to learn the hard way about money management, budgeting and all that, and it opened my eyes to new things, whether it was related to the style, or completely opposite like the “Gyaru” style; it also opened me up to the world of cosmetics, beauty, and the lazy world of weaves and wigs, haha. It developed my sense of style and expanded it.

Did my 16 year old self ever think that I’d be wanting to rock Swarovski-studded nails, and weaves down my back? That every so often I’d have either pearls or candies stuck in my hair? That I’d be rocking pointed high heels? Hell no! But I think she would think the me today is 400% more sophisticated, evolving at a steady pace.

It simply opened up my understanding of things, pushed me to create my own life’s philosophy, push towards solidifying and building my faith and spiritual path, and helped me develop realistic long-term goals. I wouldn’t even have really seen my interest in event planning had it not been for the interactions I’ve had over the years. Sitting and observing and acting led me to realize things about myself that I’ve never tried to learn, and that helped me work on them and build myself up.

I’ve had the opportunity to meet at least more than a hundred girls, from the local tri-state, to chicks from different corners of the states, and even from different countries in the world. For a while I was very enthusiastic about sharing the style and subculture with other people, whether it was through fashion panels at conventions, or through rarer opportunities like the 2008 New York Times article featuring the New York lolitas. (Ignore the disgusting outfit coordination. (I was just a kid? Haha.)) I had the opportunity to meet fashion icons like Misako Aoki, the biggest ‘face’ of the Lolita world; the Isobes, creators of Baby, the Stars Shine Bright; BTSSB designers such as Masumi Kano and Mitsuba, American designers such as Samantha Rei of Blasphemina’s Closet, and so many more.

Slowly but surely I’m slowing myself down and trying to adjust into ‘adulthood’, from constant monthly hangouts with the girls to trying to create more formal occasional events, while I use my time transitioning myself from high-strung, loud black trick to a more composed, professional person in my fast-paced, sleepless metropolis of a hometown. Being more on my own nowadays have helped me gain a thicker skin, as well as a calm approach towards negative going-ons in life, and keeps me motivated to moving forward with myself in different areas of my life.

And inside, I am the princess I dreamt to be.

Amani maintains both Black Lolita community LaLolitas and NYC Lolitas on Livejournal and maintains her own blog A·M·A·N·I.

Written by Angry_Chick as part of the Black Diamonds and Pearls series. Normal BW posting resume in Oct.

My high school years were particularly difficult ones for me. I had just changed from school to school in a period of about 8 years, and I had never stayed in one place – some of it due to social promotion (changing schools but remaining in the same district), but others due to moving. High school was not only that difficult little period when school intrigue reaches its zenith, but if you are different in any way, be it for the positive or negative, you are ostracized.

I had been educated through very good school systems, though (unsurprisingly) they were in mixed White-Asian areas where many of my classmates were very upper-crust. There were a couple of years when some of my districts may not have been as good as others, but the one commonality was that they were majority White. It was through this time in these majority White districts where I became exposed to Japanese Animation and other subcultures such as goth, punk and the early days of ‘emo’. I was introduced to the worlds of conventions and gaming, worlds of Final Fantasy and Dragon Ball Z. My interests in such increased many times more by the time I reached high school.

During my Freshman year, I really became strongly engrossed in the interests of punk and such. At this time, I was at a majority Black school district, though it was, at the time, considered to be one of the better school districts in Southern Cook County. Even though it was majority-Black, there still existed a strong mix of classes, cultures, races and nationalities, which made being there a pretty good time. I also learned so much more there from different students that were way older and cooler than me.

It was when I transferred to another district that the hard times really came. The school district was 90% Black, and while the students tended to be wealthier, they were far more critical of anything different or unlike them. I became the only person that tended towards alt-cultures and fashions in my grade, and even when I wasn’t dressed too much differently than everyone else, my clothing would always bear a strong vintage flavor – Victorian, Edwardian, Jazz Age and Depression Era. Classic films and interesting forms of music was a part of my interests, and old-fashioned deportment, manners and wording peppered my interactions with others. Rather than saying “Whaddup”, it was always, “How do you do?” it was strange, to be sure, but it was me – and me being myself opened me up to a lot of criticism and hatred. Of course, the world for me was a lonely one. While I tended to hang around punks and rockers and such, I was still in a league of my own, and it was through the few anime fans that existed at my school that I learned about the Lolita subculture.

I immediately fell in love.

While I loved the idea of elegance, the one thing that I found a bit much for me was the shortness of the skirts. This is not to say that Lolita skirts/dresses are short – for they are not – but rather I found a lot of it not to my liking. I needed close to full-blown Victorian/Edwardian. Thusly, I came across Gothic Aristocrat as I enhanced my searches. I had finally found myself – the long skirts, cravats, corsetry and such, but ultimately, the elegance and refinement that I so craved.

I decided to go for it.

So, my final year of school, there were a few occasions where I would don Gothic Aristocrat. I was already used to the stares and huge heaping helpings of reproach that was my life with my fellow students. Of course, the sell-out comments flowed like failed floodgates. I didn’t fit in with the others, and to them, it seemed to be clearly that I disdained my own race. These were the same people that defined Blackness in the narrow box that had been set up for them by our society. I saw fit to defy that and it meant quite a bit of problems during those days where I wore EGA. With that said, however, the more that I wore it, and with the more combinations that I wore it with, a few minds were gradually being changed and others did become a bit more accepting of it, even if not entirely.

My college years meant me wearing EGA slightly more, as well as being able to be more active in the J-Fashion and anime-related subcultures. I had a job, I could make my own schedule and rules, and ultimately, I was on my own. I was much more active in the EGL Livejournal communities and spent more time preoccupied with the fashion and culture. I even attended Anime Central 2008 for the first time. One of the things that I noticed when I was involved in the EGL fashion was the relative tolerance of Lolitas towards those of other racial groups. Granted, there was a slight issue with size, but in general, I felt that to be a bridge that was, in time, easily crossed. While there were a few Lolitas that exhibited the worst that our society has to offer, in general, I enjoyed (and still enjoy) the openness of the Lolita fashion and culture in comparison to many other similar subcultures. The biggest problem that I had with the fashion, however, was the bitchiness. Still, such was to be expected in a fandom full of women where fashion was the focus and where massive amounts of money were spent.

With anything that makes its way to the West, there exists a certain degree of Whitewashing. While Lolita, as a fashion, has its basis in Rococo, Victorian and even 1950s imagery (which tends to be overwhelmingly White), it still has adherents that are more than just White and Asian. At the time, not much time was paid to Lolitas of color, and thusly, I created the Lalolitas community. The reason for the name escapes me – probably because I was a stupid girl in high school that couldn’t think of anything else, and I’ve just refused to change the name – not that it’d do a damn bit of good now. Of course, it is a community where we can share our stories, makeup tips and other such things that we wouldn’t see in the greater LJ Lolita communities. It started slowly but has since gained momentum.

In time, my love for the Lolita subculture began to run its course, and my life began to change. College became more of a priority for me and the eternal question of “How am I going to pay this bill” weighed far more heavily on my mind, and thusly, many of my EGA clothes were sold. I would check EGL and Livejournal less and less until I rarely check Lolita-related communities at all anymore. While I am now working a job where I am able to once again afford EGA clothing, I’m slowly getting back into the swing of things, but even so, it will never be to the point that it once was at. Still, if I were to return back to the fashion and subculture, and even with the new set of people around, I feel like I would still be accepted with open arms, just like when I was that young junior in high school.

A. (Yes, that is seriously how she goes by) is a 24 year old hermit from Illinois. Getting her BA in Psychology and Pre-Law studies from Bumfuck IL University hadn’t been much of an exercise, however, finding a decent job in her field has been. She has a random multitude of interests, including Ballet, Nightwish, Some Animes, Sleeping and her boyfriend of 4 years. She’s the mess responsible for unleashing the LaLolitas LJ on the world.